Anger in the Age of Entitlement

Relationships

Therapist, Heal Thyself!

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on March 24, 2023

For a therapist, overcoming or outgrowing suffering will likely give them a deeper understanding than learning about symptoms exclusively from textbooks.

For a therapist, overcoming or outgrowing suffering will likely give them a deeper understanding than learning about symptoms exclusively from textbooks.

Self-Help

How to Strengthen Core Value Behavior

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on March 20, 2023

Motivations that activate states of core value and increase the meaning and value of experience.

Motivations that activate states of core value and increase the meaning and value of experience.

Self-Help

How to Build Core Value

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on March 17, 2023

A powerful way to build core value is to develop habits of coping with stress by trying to improve, appreciate, connect, or protect.

A powerful way to build core value is to develop habits of coping with stress by trying to improve, appreciate, connect, or protect.

Domestic Violence

When Hate Becomes Religion

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on March 14, 2023

Bigotry is the wolf of human nature, whether it wears the clothing of religion or enlightenment.

Bigotry is the wolf of human nature, whether it wears the clothing of religion or enlightenment.

Gaslighting

How to Outgrow “Gaslighting”

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on February 28, 2023

The measure of acceptable behavior in love relationships must be compassion and kindness, not absence of abuse or gaslighting.

The measure of acceptable behavior in love relationships must be compassion and kindness, not absence of abuse or gaslighting.

Therapy

How to Avoid Recurring Mistakes

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on February 20, 2023

Blame, denial, and avoidance, the destroyers of relationships, are learned habits, not personality traits. With practice, you can replace them with more functional habits.

Blame, denial, and avoidance, the destroyers of relationships, are learned habits, not personality traits. With practice, you can replace them with more functional habits.

Self-Help

You’re Always More Than You Remember

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on February 17, 2023

To attenuate the negative effects of state dependent recall, realize that feelings-states are temporary and, unless we feed them with justifications, transitory.

To attenuate the negative effects of state dependent recall, realize that feelings-states are temporary and, unless we feed them with justifications, transitory.

Self-Help

The Culture of Toddlerhood

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on February 13, 2023

When feeling devalued, we must do something that makes us feel more valuable, not more powerful.

When feeling devalued, we must do something that makes us feel more valuable, not more powerful.

Relationships

How to Free Yourself from Dysfunctional Attitudes

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on February 10, 2023

In a perfect world with a perfect partner, what personal qualities and values would you have? How would they manifest in your behavior and relationships?

In a perfect world with a perfect partner, what personal qualities and values would you have? How would they manifest in your behavior and relationships?

Relationships

How We Betray Loved Ones and Are Betrayed by Them

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on February 6, 2023

No matter how much we argue with loved ones about their criticisms and put-downs, we’re likely to believe them, at least unconsciously.

No matter how much we argue with loved ones about their criticisms and put-downs, we’re likely to believe them, at least unconsciously.

Relationships

The Most Important Question in Love and Emotional Growth

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on January 23, 2023

Ego-defense in committed relationships breeds resentment, contempt, and eventual detachment.

Ego-defense in committed relationships breeds resentment, contempt, and eventual detachment.

Relationships

The Tension Between Cooperation and Submission

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on January 10, 2023

Self-value increases when we appreciate that cooperative behavior contributes to the harmony and well-being of our households, communities, and nations.

Self-value increases when we appreciate that cooperative behavior contributes to the harmony and well-being of our households, communities, and nations.

Relationships

Hurtful Exchanges in Love Relationships

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on January 6, 2023

There are five stages of hurtful exchanges in love. Adrenaline and cortisol rise in each, impeding both prevention and de-escalation.

There are five stages of hurtful exchanges in love. Adrenaline and cortisol rise in each, impeding both prevention and de-escalation.

Gratitude

Gratitude Is Good; Appreciation Is Better

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on December 27, 2022

Entitlement is compensation for failures of gratitude, a tactic to avoid shame, and a major inhibitor of future gratitude.

Entitlement is compensation for failures of gratitude, a tactic to avoid shame, and a major inhibitor of future gratitude.

Career

Make Your Emotions Work for You

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on December 23, 2022

With an emotional response, anything can be important; without it, nothing is. Be clear on what is important to you—that is, your deeper values.

With an emotional response, anything can be important; without it, nothing is. Be clear on what is important to you—that is, your deeper values.

Self-Help

How to Be More Positive About Negativity

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on December 20, 2022

To positively influence people, you must tell a coherent story, based on what they already believe, rooted in their humane values and their hopes.

To positively influence people, you must tell a coherent story, based on what they already believe, rooted in their humane values and their hopes.

Relationships

Is Your Relationship Like Standing Astride Galloping Horses?

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on December 16, 2022

We must struggle to balance a drive to be free, autonomous, and independent with remaining attached to a significant other with the same drive.

We must struggle to balance a drive to be free, autonomous, and independent with remaining attached to a significant other with the same drive.

Relationships

How Do You Want to Influence Your Partner?

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on December 13, 2022

To positively influence loved ones, tell a coherent story, based on what they already believe, rooted in their humane values and in their hopes.

To positively influence loved ones, tell a coherent story, based on what they already believe, rooted in their humane values and in their hopes.

Self-Help

How to Build a Stronger Sense of Coherence

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on December 9, 2022

For lasting coherence, we must align intellectual and emotional logic so they work together, rather than in opposition to each other.

For lasting coherence, we must align intellectual and emotional logic so they work together, rather than in opposition to each other.

Relationships

Emotional Abuse Interviews: Love Without Hurt Boot Camps

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on December 6, 2022

Self-regulation is the ability to hold onto self-value and value for your partner under stress, so neither feels personally devalued or moved to hurt.

Self-regulation is the ability to hold onto self-value and value for your partner under stress, so neither feels personally devalued or moved to hurt.