Ambigamy

Insights for the deeply romantic and deeply skeptical

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D., MPP

What Is Your Argument Style?

If you think someone argues like a toddler, here's a model for assessing their argument-style maturity.

How to Stop Being So Needy

Neediness is exhausting, distracting, and counterproductive. What are the most practical ways to overcome it?

Seven Signs You’re Dating a Closeted Perma-Bachelor(ette)

Maybe they’re not into you. Or maybe they’re not into any partner, really. 

Selfhood, Artificial Intelligence, and Robotic People

Minds aren't computers and computers don't think. AI is dangerous but our greater risk these days is people who act like machines.

Want to Stop Being Pushed Around? Become Trilingual!

If you feel automatically bullied, insulted, shamed, or defensive when you're accused of negative behavior, consider rethinking morality.

Rethinking the Words "Think" and "Believe"

Though all beliefs and thoughts may matter, they're not created equal. Some are carefully shopped interpretations. Others are impulse-buy fashion statements for alleviating doubt.

The Fathead Diet

Regret bad past assumptions? Resolve not to make them again? What about bad current assumptions you cling to not because they're good but because you'd feel lost without them?

A Super-Simple Trick for Avoiding Big Mistakes

If you regret decisions you've made under the influence of inspiring quotes, here's a simple trick for avoiding that mistake in the future.

Zoom Out from Your Soul Searching to Consider What You Are

You're neither mysterious magic nor a soulless machine. Here's a simple scientific explanation for how your vitality emerges from nothing but physical chemistry.

The Real Reason We Don’t All Just Get Along

The under-appreciated reason why there's growing polarization.

The Undervalued Art of Inattentiveness

Sometimes the greatest gift you can give your partner is to let them vent without listening too closely. And to let your partner do that for you, too.

How to Act

The shortest path to authentic human connection? Paradoxically, it's often through theatrical self-parody.

Partnership Troubles? This May Be Why.

Kindness and honesty are often opposites. If you recognize this, you'll have a better time managing the challenges of intimacy.

What Really Makes or Breaks Romantic Partnerships?

A Personal Perspective: The key to long-lasting relationships? Really wanting or needing it to work.

Parting Shots, Rants, and Battles

Often, breakups are made harder than they have to be because we assume they're easier than they can be.

How to Read Between the Lines With Greater Comprehension

If we can't admit that we need self-affirmation, we're likely to overlook and mismanage one of the fundamental subtexts of human life.

Giving Up Can Make a Great New Year’s Resolution

Sometimes, liberating ourselves from old commitments and obligations is more practical than creating new ones.

A Soulful Season and the Growing Demand-Chain Shortage

Some reflections on this poignant season, inspired by the 1919 tune "How you gonna keep them down on the farm after they've seen Paree?"

You’re a Being Who Tries, but What Are Beings and What Is Trying?

We're all selves trying to figure out what's worth our effort? But what are selves and effort? For all of our detailed research, life and social scientists still don't know.

How Hypocrisy Becomes the Mind-Numbing Norm

To win arguments, we draw hard moral lines that make us sound good and our opponents bad — but with no commitment to living by the standards we set.

More Precise Generalizations Will Make You Wiser Faster

Convince yourself you're not a self? Choose determinism? Love is the answer? These self-contradictions can inspire a better understanding of who you are.

How to Humbly Humble People Who Will Do Anything to Avoid Humility

Examining a pivotal question in psychology: how to tell if someone is an a-hole.

The Under-Appreciated Virtue of Virtual Status

Crave more status than you've got? You're not alone. Here's a Neo-Epicurian cure for what ails us.

A Huge Psych Question that Many Social Scientists Ignore

A Personal Perspective: Social scientists speak two languages and haven't known how to translate between them.

How to Stop Getting Suckered By People Who Agree With You

To be a more critical thinker, get good at spotting the rhetorical pandering in arguments that you support.

How To Stop Beating Yourself Up and Enjoy Reality

Though unrealistic, moralizing is tempting but comes at a cost. Some people beat themselves up with it and some just use it to beat other people up. Here's the saner alternative.

The Unsung Benefit of a Mind at Ease: Exploratory Range

Want peace of mind? Try curiosity. Want curiosity? Cultivate peace of mind.

The Romantic Fatalist

We all need dreams of happily ever after. If we don't manage them well, they become dangerous.

Living with the Tension Between Hope and Realism

A Personal Perspective: Though hope and realism are both touted as virtues, they often conflict. We would be wiser if we could admit to our ambivalent relationship with both.

Free Will Versus Determinism Is the Wrong Question

The free will debate goes around in circles because it ignores explaining what will really is, starting with the "struggle for existence," which Darwin assumed and didn't explain.

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