Stop Creating Stress for Yourself

We often think of stress as something that happens to us. Stress is “out there” until it hits us and then we deal with it. However, technically, “stress” is not out there. What is out there are stressors—potentially stress-inducing events or situations.

Events and situations are stressors when they are demanding, threatening, or constraining in some way. Their tendency to produce stress in a given individual is probabilistic; whether they actually do depends on many different factors, including attributes of the person. Just as important, we have some control over whether or not we are exposed to stressors in the first place.

It is commonly believed that we can reduce the impact of a stressor after it is encountered. Certainly, our interpretation of the stressor, and the way we cope with it, can influence its overall impact. But this is limiting. It means waiting until after the stressor occurs.

As a result, stress processes have already been initiated. Our mental or physical well-being can take a hit before we even begin to do anything to counter the stressor. And our efforts to do so may be compromised by the stress we are already experiencing.

How You Create Stress for Yourself

It is important to recognize that we create a certain amount of stress for ourselves. One way this happens is through a selection process in which we decide whether to enter into or avoid certain situations or conditions. Classic examples include the student who registers for a large credit load and/or one that includes particularly difficult courses, the worker who volunteers for demanding assignments, and just about anyone who plans to accomplish more in a given period of time than is actually feasible.

Another way we increase exposure to stressors has been referred to as evocation. Evocation is a process through which we unintentionally elicit negative reactions from others. Examples include expressing mistrust, pessimism, or a hypercritical attitude. These and other forms of negativity may be expressed unintentionally in what we say, for example, bringing up controversial topics for discussion or asking provocative questions at work or with family or friends.

A more subtle way we do this is through facial expressions and vocal tone. The expression of negativity may create a vicious cycle in which we evoke reactions from others that confirm our mistrust, pessimism, or hypercritical attitude in what amounts to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Where evocation involves unintentional expressions, we also create stress for ourselves by deliberately creating, shaping, or altering social situations and relationships. This is a kind of social manipulation that involves intentionally influencing others, through any of several tactics including the use of charm, insult, or reason. Our intentions are to change other's thoughts, feelings, or behavior in ways we may view as benign, or even noble.

We may believe we have an idea, plan of action, or new initiative from which all would benefit, whether at work, at home, or in our circle of friends. But, depending on how we approach this, conflict, aggression, or other negative reactions may occur and cause stress for all involved. This might reflect disagreement as to the merits of our suggestion, or simply the way it is presented.

Without actually changing a stressful situation, we may increase stress by prolonging our exposure to it. We may remain in demanding or threatening circumstances, for example, to save face, when doing so is optional. In a controlled study of this phenomenon, it was found that Type A individuals (those characterized by competitiveness and achievement striving) persisted in working on a difficult experimental task even with the knowledge that their partner was exceptionally capable at that task. This kind of persistence not only increases the duration of one’s exposure to stressful demands but has the potential to alienate our co-worker and culminate in suboptimal task performance.

Proactive Coping

Being aware of the ways we increase our exposure to stressors, and doing what we can to minimize those exposures, goes hand-in-hand with proactive coping. Proactive coping refers to foreseeing possible future stressful events and conditions, whether or not they are of our own creation and, when they cannot be avoided, taking steps to minimize their impact. These include:

1. Recognizing the potential for such occurrences
2. Acquiring resources to support coping efforts to use if and when they do occur
3. Forming an understanding of their features, the likely nature of their impact, and plans for coping
4. Creating a way to evaluate the effectiveness of that plan

Of course, one can go too far in anticipating and planning to deal with possible future stressors; there is a fine line between this and excessive worry. But for many of us, there is room to develop a more proactive stance in this regard.

Stress Essential Reads

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Why Men and Women Need Different Stress Strategies

Stress, Coping, and Lifestyle

The term "lifestyle" is often used to refer to specific behaviors, like eating, exercise, and substance use, that describe major aspects of the way we live and can affect physical and mental health. Stress and how we cope with it are often included and they, too, can affect health.

But unlike specific health-related behaviors, stress can stem from diverse events and situations and there are innumerable cognitive and behavioral forms of coping. In addition, unlike eating, exercising, and using substances, we can find ourselves coping with a stressor before we are aware that it is happening.

Just as we at least try to manage our diet, exercise, and use of substances, it pays to be mindful of how our own decisions and behaviors can add to the stress we experience. And to the degree that stress can be anticipated, it can be helpful to have a coping plan.

As the sayings go, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. And, if prevention is not possible, a stitch in time saves nine.