Skip to main content

Verified by Psychology Today

Are You an Emotional Cheat?

An old sweetheart, a co-worker, a chat-room buddy, anyone can turn your life upside down. So stop confiding in them.

Ever since Scarlett O'Hara flirted in front of Rhett Butler, the jury has been out on extramarital friendships that are sensual, even intimate, yet don't cross the line to actual sex. With emotional affairs so prevalent, psychologists studying the issue have finally drawn some lines in the sand. You may be emotionally unfaithful, they say, if you:

  • Have a special confidante at the office, someone receptive to feelings and fears you can't discuss with your partner or spouse.
  • Share personal information and negative feelings about your primary relationship with a "special friend."
  • Meet a friend of the opposite sex for dinner and go back to his or her place to discuss your primary relationship over a drink, never calling your partner and finally arriving home at 3 a.m.
  • Humiliate your partner in front of others, suggesting he or she is a loser or inadequate sexually.
  • Have the energy to tell your stories only once, and decide to save the juiciest for an office or Internet friend of the opposite sex.
  • Hook up with an old boyfriend or girlfriend at a high school reunion and, feeling the old spark, decide to keep in contact by e-mail.
  • Keep secret, password-protected Internet accounts, "just in case," or become incensed if your partner inadvertently glances at your "private things."