The Age of Ambivalence

Don't tell me what to do!" is the rebellious message teens often send their parents. Yet a new study finds that adolescents parental authority and guidance more than they let on.

Teenagers cherish their independence and privacy, reports Zipora Magen, Ph.D., of the University of Tel Aviv. But they also value parental support and want parents to set limits on their behavior.

Magen looked at kids of three different age groups and their perceptions of what makes a dynamite parent In all three-8 to 9-year-olds, 14 to 15-year-olds, and 17 to 18-year-olds-children cited parental authority as important and looked to parents as role models.

But they differed somewhat over good parenting practices. The youngest group didn't think parents should allow privacy and autonomy or act in a democratic fashion, while the older groups rated those high in importance.

Younger kids wanted time with their parents and treats from them. Mid-teens didn't; they want parents to recognize their need for independence and yet support them emotionally-a tall order!

The oldest group showed a continued need for a balance between independence and autonomy and guidance and approval from Parents. They were more likely to see a parent in a "friend" role.

Magen also compared children's and Parents' perceptions of what makes a good parent. Parents of low and high economic status, regardless of education, placed a higher value on schooling and studying than their children did. In fact, kids' slacking off at school was a leading cause of parent-child conflict in both low- and high-income homes.

Poor parents thought they should be. stow more material goods on their kids than did richer parents. That's because poorer parents feel inadequate financially, Magen reported at the recent American Psychological Association Convention in Washington, D.C.

Generally, parents and their adolescent offspring have similar perceptions of what makes a good parent. it's just that parents and teens think there are bigger differences between them than there re. ally are. "Each side also tends to underestimate the positive attitude held toward them by the other side," says Magen.

What parents don't realize is just how much guidance their kids want from them in the turbulent adolescent years. It's not that parents don't care-they just don't feel so needed. So hang in there, folks-your kids may shun you but they expect your input.