Setting the Stage: A Dream of Love and Loss

It is sometimes astounding how precisely a dream mirrors a waking situation. Such was the case with Angela, who dreamed about starring in a love scene. Once Angela carefully examined her dream, she recognized it as a sign of her anxiety about an upcoming event, a stimulus to work through her feelings, and a message conveying an opportunity to reconnect with people she knew and loved long ago.

The Dream

“I was going to star in a movie and was preparing for a love scene. The movie was being filmed in a large auditorium filled with people I didn’t know. I felt anticipation and a bit of nervousness, but confident that I would do well.

“Before my turn to film my scene, I walked around the venue for a while. I remember walking down and up corridors and hallways and stairways. Then someone stopped me to say I was next. Again, I felt a wave of nervousness, but, while everything felt quite unfamiliar, it also felt strangely familiar.

“I made my way to the stage but woke up before arriving there. The feeling that stayed with me once awake and replaying the dream was that I was about to do something out of my comfort zone, yet I felt I knew how to do it.”

The Discussion

I said to Angela, "To begin with the feeling you were left with, my first question is to ask whether you connect to a situation that has you feeling a bit out of your comfort zone. Do you?"

Angela connected immediately. "A cousin of mine, who is the same age as me but whom I haven't seen in 40 years, announced on Facebook that her sister, who was the same age as mine, passed away. She was announcing the funeral. My sister also passed away a few years ago, so I feel a strong kinship with her, having gone through what she's going through."

I asked, "Why, then, do you feel out of your comfort zone?"

Angela admitted, "While I share this kinship with her, we haven’t seen or spoken to each other in decades. Nonetheless, I've decided to attend the funeral, in a venue unknown to me filled with people I don't really know anymore. Attending the funeral with family I haven’t seen in so long is what is out of my comfort zone. It will feel unfamiliar, but, at the same time, being the same age as her and having lost my older sister, too, I understand now why I woke up feeling that this is something I know how to do.”

“So, when you feel nervous in the dream waiting for your scene,” I said, “that’s similar to your anticipation about the funeral."

"Yes!" Angela clarified, "I initially thought the funeral was a few days after seeing the post, so I already canceled my workday to attend, but upon re-reading I realize the funeral is next week. Looking at my dream, it even explains why I had to wait for my scene."

I reflected, "And you are starring in your movie, plus filming a love scene. Do you think seeing family you haven't seen in years has you feeling on stage with your feelings on display?"

Angela responded, "Because I haven't seen these family members for so long, my presence there may arouse a bit of attention, like starring in a love scene."

Hearing a potential play on words, I jumped in, "Did you say 'arouse'? That sounds appropriate to the idea of your doing a love scene.”

Angela smiled, "Yes! That's funny. It also probably reflects how my empathizing with my cousin's loss is bringing back a flood of love for my own lost sister."

What We Can Learn

Angela's dream highlights how our dreams can mirror a current waking situation that’s causing us anxiety, perplexity, or other emotional disturbance. We can see it openly here: Point by point, action by action, there is a direct correlation between the daytime event and the dream's discussion.

When a dream follows a situation with such precision it "sets the stage" for Angela to rehearse how she's feeling and what she might do to help herself once the event takes place.

Sometimes in dreams, we create a story in which to practice or “rehearse” the anxiety we are anticipating. Angela’s dream literally offers the dreamer a stage on which to practice for the upcoming funeral. Dreams preceding some anticipated stressful event can give us the opportunity for rehearsal; then, when the event arrives, we are somewhat prepared because we've literally been doing it in our sleep.

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The dream discussion also reminds Angela that she shares with her cousin the grief of losing a sister. Not only does this mean that the experience at the funeral will feel “strangely familiar” but also that she has an opportunity to reconnect through love and empathy with family she hasn’t seen in a long time.