The Advantages of Having a Child in Your 30s or 40s

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“But I’ll be 50 years old when my child graduates from college!"

I hear this from many of my patients who are trying to decide if they should use reproductive technologies to have a child even though they are now in their late 30s or 40s—or older. They say that this may be their “last chance” to create a family, but they worry that the child might prefer younger, more active parents who might be more “with it” or "in the know.” Most importantly, they often say that they are afraid they may not live long enough to help their child through important life experiences like marriage and having their own children.

But the realities of modern life don’t match many of these fears. Starting your family, or adding to it, when you’re in your 30s, 40s, or even older can have many advantages for both the parents and the child—starting with these.

Motivation

Young parents are more likely to take having a baby for granted because there are generally fewer problems and complications in conceiving. Older parents, however, rarely take family building for granted because the journey to parenthood tends to become more complex, and for many, it doesn’t happen as quickly or easily as before.

Thus, when the moment finally arrives, older parents are typically thrilled and talk about the profound ways the child has redefined and refocused their lives—ways they may not have fully appreciated when they were younger.

Maturity

Young parents often express love for their children but also sometimes admit that they wish they had traveled more first, gone further in school, or given themselves more time to grow up. Older parents, having had that time, may be more likely to fully embrace parenthood and spend time with their child without those lingering “what ifs.” This can lead to more shared experiences and deeper connections with their children.

Emotional Stability

Many well-meaning friends and family often warn midlifers that they won’t have the patience to enjoy a baby or toddler. However, a poll of midlife parents found that many experience high levels of satisfaction and emotional fulfillment in their parenting roles.¹

One reason is that by the time people reach their 30s and 40s, they tend to have a stronger sense of self and greater self-acceptance.² As parents, this often translates into being more open to understanding and accepting their children for who they are, rather than who they want them to be.

And here’s another bonus for children with older parents: Their parents are usually more easy-going and not as easily rattled. My patients attribute this to having a clearer perspective on what truly matters in life than they did when they were younger.

Financial Security

More good news for the children of midlife parents: Their parents are more likely to have secure jobs and financial stability than much younger parents. Not only does this mean more opportunities for the children, but it also tends to mean less stress for the parents.

Physical Benefits

Although many midlife parents may still worry about how long they will live, many others are refocusing on staying healthy and active to enjoy as much time with their children as possible. When parents prioritize physical activity, healthy eating, and regular medical check-ups, it not only benefits them but also sets a great example for their children. If you still need more reassurance about lasting for the long run, a study published in Menopause³ found that women who have children after the age of 33 were twice as likely to live to age 95 compared to women who had their last child before age 30!

There are obviously pros and cons to becoming a parent at any age, but the bottom line is this: If you want a parenting experience, go for it. There are many ways to build a family, and you never want to look back and think “I should have,” when you could be saying “I’m glad I did.” Speak to a fertility specialist and make an informed decision about your path to parenthood.