Me, You, & Us

Examining the interplay between our love lives and our identities

Erica B Slotter Ph.D.

Can Your Relationship Survive Traveling Together?

It's summer time! That means vacations with family, friends, and romantic partners. As much fun as these trips are, they can be stressful. How can that impact your relationships?

Why Sharing Your Relationship Status Is So Complicated

How does sharing your relationship on Facebook relate to how happy you are in your relationship, how happy others think you are, and how much other people like you?

Do You Have to Love Yourself Before Someone Else Can?

Loving yourself is traditionally viewed as crucial in your ability to love others. That said, what does it mean to "love yourself" in a way that benefits your relationships?

Who You Love Changes Who You Are

Your romantic feelings toward a new partner can predict your changing yourself to be more like them....is this a good or bad thing? Turns out, how you feel about yourself matters.

Which Are More Powerful, Turn-Ons or Turn-Offs?

Lots of research has focused on the traits that we actively seek out in our romantic partners, but what about traits that we actively avoid? Read more to find out.

Can You Just Put the Phone Down?

Cell phones, iPads, Kindles, oh my! We all love our mobile devices, but recent research suggests that using your cell phone around your partner could be hurting your relationship.

The Power of a Grateful Heart

This time of year, many of us reflect on what we are grateful for. Research suggests that gratitude toward a close relationship partner can have benefits under some circumstances.

The Truth About Rebound Relationships

Are rebound relationships a good idea? Recent research suggests that they may not be as bad for us as popular belief might suggest.

How Do You Get Your Partner to Listen to You?

As much as we might love our partners, sometimes they drive us crazy! Do you know the best way to communicate with your partner to get them to change their behavior? It turns out that their mental health matters when picking how to discuss problematic behaviors.

Can a Relationship Give You as Strong a Jolt as Caffeine?

Need an energy boost? Try skipping the coffee or mid afternoon snack and think about your romantic partner instead!

The Right Way to React to Risky Moments in Your Relationship

How do you react when your partner does something that makes you feel hurt or rejected? In these situations, you can either protect yourself or seek connection with your partner. Read on to find out which behavioral option is best for your relationship and which strategy you may be more likely to choose.

How Jealousy Can Change You (and Why That Might Be OK)

We all get jealous in our relationships from time to time. Ever considered how this influences how you see yourself and how you act?

Are You in the Mood?

Mis-matched feelings of sexual desire are an incredibly common problem in relationships today. Sometimes you're in the mood and your partner isn't, sometimes it's the other way around. Brand new research has investigated how people with different relationship motivations handle these dilemmas to find sexual and relationship satisfaction.

How Do We Know Who We Want?

Most of us have an image in our head of what our ideal romantic partner is like. Do you think that our ideal preferences actually matter for who we choose to be with and whether our relationships last? Relationships researchers are discovering that these findings are actually quite complicated!

Why Your Friends' Approval Is So Crucial to a Relationship

Recent research demonstrates that how your friends and family feel about your romantic partner matters for the success of your relationships.

Why Couples Need to Play More

Many people see Valentine's Day as an opportunity to spice up their relationships. It turns out that social psychologists have identified a really easy way to do just that - engage in novel and exciting activities together! Read more about this simple way to inject excitement back into your relationship.

New Year, New You

We know a lot about what helps individuals attain their goals, like keeping their new year's resolutions. In recent years, we've also started learning a lot about how our close relationships can help or hinder us in our goal pursuits.

The Best Thing You Can Do for Yourself This Month

The holidays are a stressful time for everyone. Try practicing self-compassion as a way to make it through the season with as few frayed nerves as possible.

Do You Need Everyone to Know Your Status?

How do our styles of emotional bonding in relationships impact how we communicate about our relationship on social media?

How We Find Our Person Today

I recently watched the reality series, "Married at First Sight," on the FYI network. At first I was skeptical, but as the show progressed I found myself predicting whether or not the couples in the show would stay together based on established relationship theories. Turns out the existing research pretty accurately captured the things that worked and didn't for each couple

Can We Talk?

We know that how we talk to our partners matters. Recent research has shown that greater similarity between romantic partners with regard to the structure of the language they use predict greater likelihood of being interested in a potential partner and greater stability in ongoing romantic relationships.

3 Ways to Take Care of Yourself After a Breakup

Breaking up is an upsetting experience even in the best of circumstances. This post takes a look at things that you can do for yourself that can help you to feel better after the end of a romantic relationship.

The Trouble With Modern Marriage

In this day and age, we have high expectations for marriage. Our spouses are supposed to be our best friends, co-pilots in everyday life, solid supporters of our dreams, passionate lovers, and so on. What if we are burdening our relationships beyond what they were meant to carry?