What Is Emotional Flooding?

Source: Kelly Sikkema/Unsplash

Unexpected events or surprising announcements have the power to ignite the stress response, also known as the fight-flight-freeze mechanism. Over the last few weeks post-election, some of us have been experiencing heightened reactions due to something called “emotional flooding.” When we perceive a threat to our physical or emotional safety, that perception activates our sympathetic nervous systems, and we may respond with fear, panic, or other accompanying emotional and physiological reactions.

Imagine that your mind is a file cabinet and that every emotion you’ve been unable to fully process has been placed inside a drawer. Now pretend someone comes up from behind, abruptly tipping your file cabinet forward so that all the drawers fly open, and every unresolved or unexamined feeling gets dumped out onto the floor. That’s what it feels like to experience emotional flooding.

According to researcher John Gottman, the average person needs 20 minutes for the body to reset after becoming flooded with emotion. Twenty minutes is a long time to watch helplessly as someone you care about is afraid and panicking. It’s more overwhelming if it’s happening to you. And the reset only occurs if feelings of well-being are restored.

The difference between flooding and more manageable stress experiences is one of intensity. Flooding happens quickly, often out of the blue, and it always overwhelms our sense of safety—even if we’re not truly in danger.

While flooding is often associated with mental health vulnerabilities some adults and children regularly contend with—like social anxiety, depression, grief, and trauma—it can happen to anyone, at any time.

Given the unprecedented times we live in, flooding is a predictable and increasingly likely response when we are met with change and the unexpected.

The good news is, we can build proactive coping strategies to minimize the chance of flooding, and responsive techniques to help lessen the intensity of episodes if they strike.

Proactive Strategies to Address Emotional Flooding

1. Learn about flooding.

The experience is less frightening when you realize everyone experiences it and that the way your body responds to stress is normal. Still, I’m a believer in the mantra, If you can predict it, you can prepare for it. New knowledge about our fight, flight, or freeze response won’t bring on an episode. On the contrary, examining what intense emotions look and feel like for you generally, and what often brings those emotions on, is a powerful first step toward minimizing and normalizing the experience.

2. Let your loved ones know what you need in those moments.

Have conversations with friends about this basic human reaction to fear. Likely, they’ve experienced flooding too, and your disclosure will help both of you. In effect, when you talk about it, you’re saying, “This happens to all of us at one time or another, and if it happens to me, I’ll need your support. If it happens to you, I’ll be there for you too.”

3. Save the problem-solving for later.

Be sure to let your trusted ones know that, while you welcome support generally, you’re not open to finding solutions to difficult or complex situations in the middle of flooding. When intense emotions show up, that isn’t the time to address issues. Together, agree to adopt the guiding principle: Feelings first, actions follow. Remember, once a sense of safety is restored, there will be ample opportunity to revisit the situation and what triggered the flooding.

Responsive Techniques to Address Emotional Flooding

Keep in mind that every person’s threshold for flooding is unique. Triggers and symptoms vary by person too. Even with open dialogue, you will still need to be ready should the experience of emotional flooding catch you by surprise.

Here’s how:

1. Convey a sense of calm.

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As soon as it dawns on you that you’re caught in the riptide of flooding, the best way to help is to modify your own reactions. That involves less talking and directing, and more expressions of empathy for what’s happening to you neurologically.

2. Act with compassion.

No matter our age, when the stress response is activated, rational thought is unavailable to us. Until we feel safe, we’re not able to problem-solve effectively. Nor are we capable of fully explaining why we’ve become so upset in the first place. Without the ability to find perspective, there is no convincing a person in fight-flight-freeze that they are not in danger. The brain is telling the body the complete opposite. Be kind to yourself.

3. Remind yourself to solve problems only after feelings of safety have been reestablished.

Resist your own efforts to exit the state of flooding by trying to fix things. We lose some of our capacity for rational thought when we’re experiencing an intense emotional response. Be patient. Coming out of the stress response is a neurological process that takes time, especially if you are stress-sensitive.

4. Practice Breathing, Grounding, Leaning

The way back to calming your sympathetic nervous system involves three steps you are already familiar with.

Breathing. The practice of breathing deeply is the single most effective way to restore a state of equilibrium in our bodies. Inhaling through the nose, holding our breath for a count of three, then slowly exhaling air, allows higher-order brain functions a chance to kick in so we can more accurately evaluate the perceived threat and what we might do to resolve it.

Grounding or the action of making bodily contact with safe objects in the environment stabilizes our physiology at our deepest levels. Have you ever noticed that when you’re dizzy your natural inclination is to sit down? When flooded, take a seat or stand with your back against the wall. These simple actions engage the senses, allowing the brain and the body to come back into balance. Calming activities like yoga, playing music, or making art proactively can also ground you and decrease your stress over time.

Leaning on trusted friends and family members for support requires the ability to ask for help when you need it. Knowing your safe spaces and kind people is a critical life skill to have at any age. Coping with stress is always less overwhelming when it’s done in connection with others.

These next months and years are likely to cause an ongoing swirl of feelings. Yet with a proactive and responsive approach, you don’t need to be caught completely off guard by the intensity of emotions that may surface. If you feel ill-equipped to manage on your own, consider reaching out to a therapeutic professional who specializes in building a repertoire of mindfulness techniques. No one needs to go it alone. By being aware and prepared, you can face the next challenge with resilience.