You make good points, obviously we don't know both sides of the story and I wasn't trying to pick sides--it always just seems more useful to help someone see how they are actually in control of a situation and their reactions to it rather than speculate about how much of a victim they really are--and that goes for her in the context of this forum and also how she deals with hubby at home. But I do appreciate your own personal testimony and can imagine how frustrating it must be. I wouldn't consider my partner a chronic complainer, but he has had his own dark periods that have been hugely draining on both of us and our relationship. He has been unemployed for more than 2 weeks--actually, it is going on a year and a half. Our finances are mostly separate and has been working on learning new skills and improving ones he already has (which I fully support--no one should be stuck in an industry they hate and anyone should be able to pursue work they love, if they can), but the process has been an extremely bumpy ride, complete with bouts of depression, negativity, and intermittent alcohol abuse. There were and sometimes still are times when it feels like he is taking out his frustration of not working on me. But love is never easy. Real love comes when two people are mutually invested in each other and want the best for one another. As long as I feel that I am a positive force in his life, that we both still have the potential to grow, and that our love for each other outweighs the negative stuff, I'll be here.

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you and your sounds like you did your best to try to make it work, and that's all you can really do if the other person refuses to change.