Fighting Loneliness in Small Steps

You have found several positive resources to help with your depression. You have suffered some terrible losses but your focus is on present time and keeping mind and soul healthy. You mention you have a few friends and you keep in touch and spend time together. This is also important. These strategies will help you immensely, I am glad you have taken these steps. I always recommend to my Clients - keep in touch with nature, people tend to get so busy in life, we forget to enjoy the free things, the things that should mean the most (alongside family and friends). Be aware of your senses - can you hear your birds chirping certain songs? Do you hear the changes in their tone, pitch, etc? When you walk in the sun, do you feel the heat touch your skin, do you look at the leaves that fall, at the veins and their patterns? Do you see the changes of color throughout the leaves?
One other thing I would mention - smile, laugh. It is true, laughter is the best medicine. When you laugh, is it heartfelt laughter? Sometimes this can be hard when one suffers depression, so you must reach deep inside, remind yourself it is okay to be happy, and laugh. Can you watch a comedy or remember a good memory? IF this is difficult, find a good book that is light reading that can lift your spirits and help you with such. Hope this helps a it. I am proud of you and awareness. Keep up the good work! I hope others read your post and follow your path. Best of luck, my thoughts are with you.

I could let my loneliness eat me alive but instead chose to live in the moment and make an effort to make the most of all of my moments. When I'm feeling blue-ish about my state of loneliness, I remember to feel grateful - immediately. I have learned how to stop myself in my tracks when negative thoughts enter by thanking my lucky stars that I can see, hear, touch, taste & smell. I am the type of person who appreciates the small things in life like getting a couple of green lights in a row when driving to/from the office. I'm grateful for Sunny days when the world looks fresh with light. I remember that things could be a whole lot worse for me. My Big Picture thinking keeps me grounded and grateful.

Best,
Denise

Wake up people. Nihilistic dribble..answers without meaning. Pascal, Kierkegaard, Aristotle..where are you when we need you.

Being lonely must be the topic of my day as I spent considerable time earlier contemplating the subject. My beloved husband died in March 2008 after 25 years in a 2nd marriage for both of us. My only daughter was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder in 2010 and died May 2011. The economy of 2008-2010 decimated my marketing services provider business, and I have had no income but my widow's social security for more than a year. I will soon be 62. I'm not depressed...just grieving. What I've done to help relieve my longing for companionship: enrolled in college to add a psych degree (and probably Masters) to my marketing degree (at mid-term, I have four A's and one B); spend much time with my two sons and 7 grandchildren as well as close friends and my extended family. I am part of a weekly roundtable discussion group on race and ethnicity which provides much toward my need for conversations. However...none of that relieves the longing I feel for my husband - our conversations, laughter, and intimate knowledge of how and what the other thinks and feels. I may never again have that type of relationship, but I'm grateful for having had it once. Missing my daughter will never end, but I'm thankful that I had her for as long as I did.

I used to be more lonely and as I work as counselor I could see that problem a lot here in Sao Paulo-Brazil. This enormous city. But one thing I learned, you must keep your eyes and mind opened,learn with others and do some effort, besides some very good advices I´ve read here. For example, I learned small steps are great. You can join groups such as a local choir, a church group, etc., especially if you don´t know anyone. Another thing is to understand that having friends is a goal as any other goal in your life. So it needs effort. It is far easier to go into the lonely routine, it takes a bit more to grab the phone and call, invite or visit a friend. Today I transformed this into a habit. Within time you are able to see which friends deserve the effort and you want to get closer and those you do not. In any case, it is good to consider even those you think it wouldn´t work, because sometimes you have a lovely surprise.

I live in a rural low income area riddled with people who are alcholics. Very challanging. I am lonely due to lack of mature adults around.

I had to focus on making my time positive. I found a non profit group that I volunteer with. This way I stay busy with positive works.

I have to have a job to live so I work, my day is filled. Even though my free time is limited I am not bored. Nor do I focus on the drama around me. My focus is to make a different how I can, as I can and when I can. I feel good because I know spend time on worthwile works.

As I read all of the comments above, I keep coming around to the same question, but what about when you are at home alone..the silence is so deafening. For me I can be as busy as I want to be, I work, joined groups, etc., but at the end of the day I still come home alone.
My husband of 29 years divorced me 5 years ago, I also lost my son Jan 2012 at 30, and now my ex-husband has died too. I'm 58 years old. My two remaining children have their lives and I don't see or talk to them often my ex remarried immediately after our divorce and now my kids have a stepmother, my son is married so they have alot of people to whom to divide their precious time with. I hear from them very little.

When the silence hits no matter what I am doing or how busy I keep myself, there is no denying it. I do not like to live alone. I have not been successful in dating or finding a new mate, and I'm not sure of doing what we did when we were kids, find a roommate. Is there a solution to this?

I find myself alone. All of the things that I love to do, I have not been able to find people of my own age and skill set (sports) to do acdtivities with. So I go alone, I travel alone, I eat alone, I sleep alone, I live in fear alone....