How Embracing Change Can Strengthen Your Relationship

Source: Image by Lucas Azevedo Lucas from Pixabay

All relationships include peaks and valleys. Yet turbulence and hardship do not destroy relationships; it’s the way partners respond that makes the difference. You probably know couples whose relationships are characterized by resilience, committed to weathering storms together. More than likely, those couples are still going strong, facing life’s challenges as a team. And good teamwork builds healthy romantic partnerships.

What type of mindset motivates couples to cultivate mutual relationship resilience? Apparently, one that allows them to perceive adversity from a perspective of potential change. Research explains.

Change as Part of the Cycle of Life

Emily K. Hong and Incheol Choi, in a piece entitled “Oh Darling, This Too Shall Pass” (2019) explored how different perspectives of change impacted the longevity of romantic relationships.[i]. They examined how individual differences in perceptions of change, whether cyclic or linear, impact relational decisions.

Hong and Choi describe cyclic perceivers as believing that something that goes down will eventually go back up and vice versa, and linear perceivers as believing that something that goes down will continue to go down. They note that of the two types of perceivers, cyclical perceivers are more tolerant of relational hardships.

Hong and Choi define cyclic perceptions of change as a central feature of holistic thinking, and investigated whether such thinking would keep partners romantically involved longer due to the belief that bad times will pass. Sure enough, their research showed that cyclic perceivers were more able to endure relational transgressions than linear perceivers, reported fewer romantic breakups, and were less willing to break up as compared with linear perceivers due to stronger relational endurance.

Optimism Breeds Success

Hong and Choi note that because cyclic perceivers assume that everything is subject to change, they may remain hopeful when facing relational problems because they believe "the darkest hour is just before the dawn." As a practical matter, these types of thinkers may draw from such encouragement to persevere and problem-solve their way through relational conflict.

Modern couples face difficult issues in areas ranging from health to wealth, family to finances, and everything in between. Partners seeking to navigate challenges together as a unified team recognize there is no downside to keeping spirits up through maintaining a positive perspective.