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Key points
- Researchers have found that crying can be cathartic.
- As we get older, we tend to cry more often for positive reasons.
- Nicholas Sparks shares his thoughts on emotions, faith, and his latest novel, "Counting Miracles."
Nicholas Sparks’ books have been making readers cry since The Notebook was released in 1996, and millions are hooked by the emotional draw of his novels. Many readers just can’t help but cry at the heartfelt, sometimes tragic, endings that tug at their heartstrings.
But what if reading novels that make you cry is actually good for your mental health?
Researchers have discovered that there are numerous benefits of having a good cry—some have found that it can be cathartic, making space for built-up emotions to find release. This is particularly the case for adults who are not struggling with depression, a crisis, or an unsupportive social circle (Bylsma, Vingerhoets, & Rottenberg, 2008). As we get older, we tend to cry more often for positive reasons, being soulfully touched by instances of altruism, compassion, and empathy in society (Vingerhoets and Bylsma, 2016).
Sparks agrees: “Crying can provide cathartic and healthy benefits,” he said in an interview with Psychology Today. “I’ll add that research shows that it can also lower stress in the aftermath. I’m not, however, saying that all of my novels will do such a thing—I have written novels with what I consider to be happy endings—but I believe that the evocation of genuine emotion, including sadness, is a critical aspect of any good, or great, novel.”
While research shows that women shed more tears than men, Sparks posits that men are no less emotional—tears or not (Vingerhoets and Scheirs, 2000).
Q: Research shows that men cry less than women in most cultures, and the lack of gender differences in crying behavior in babies and toddlers suggests that this is due to societal expectations. Do you ever find yourself getting emotional in the process of writing emotionally charged scenes? Do you have any tips for other men who might feel uncomfortable tapping into their emotions?
NS: In the past, there have been moments when emotions have forced me to push away from the keyboard for a while. A Walk to Remember was inspired by my sister’s battle with cancer while The Rescue was inspired by my son, and I had to draw on my own emotional, sometimes heart-wrenching, experiences when trying to make particular scenes come to life. There were tears in my eyes, and I simply needed a break before plunging back into the story. In Counting Miracles, there were portions of Jasper’s story that also moved me deeply, especially his past.
As for men tapping into their emotions, perhaps I’m in the minority, but I think men experience emotions in much the same way that women do. If I’m allowed to stereotype, however, the behavior associated with those emotions can sometimes differ. I remember, for instance, at my father’s funeral—it was a car accident or unexpected death—my sister was a wreck. She was sobbing and leaning on others for support. I, however, may have struck someone as much more stoic, if sadness was solely measured by tears. But I can assure you that I was emotionally hurting, and brokenhearted, in the same way she was.
Q: In Counting Miracles, Kaitlyn, Tanner, and Jasper are all grappling with the unexpected turns their lives have taken, the circumstances beyond their control that have shaped their lives. Do you think counting miracles—looking for glimmers of purpose and hope in the midst of life’s challenges—has the power to help us make meaning out of the haphazard, at times tragic, and sometimes serendipitous, events in our lives?
NS: Because we’re human, it is sometimes impossible to find meaning in tragedy or loss that makes sense to us. How can one find any sort of sense of meaning in the sudden death of an infant, or children with cancer, or tragic, unexpected deaths of a parent or a sibling or a husband or a wife? Faith allows us the ability to believe that there is a greater meaning to everything, even if we accept that we still don’t understand it. With that said, counting miracles—or, said another way, finding reasons to be grateful—will, without question, benefit mental health. Per my own research into the matter, those people that feel gratitude regularly also tend to feel more inner peace.
Q: In your book, Jasper is a good man who has been through so much trauma and hardship throughout his life. Through it all, he finds himself wrestling with his long-held Christian beliefs. What role has faith played in navigating your own life’s struggles?
NS: Faith has played, and continues to play, a huge role in my life. I pray at least half an hour daily, and I find that it not only connects me to God and Christ, but in the aftermath, I feel a sense of inner peace. Prayer seems to strengthen my ability to accept the challenges as they come, to forgive others, and to feel gratitude for all the wonderful people I’ve known in my life. With acceptance, forgiveness, and gratitude comes a greater ability to navigate challenges in life.
Q: There is ample evidence to support Tanner’s assertion that “good mental health requires spending time in nature on a regular basis.” How do you incorporate time in nature into your routine for better mental health? What are your favorite places to spend time outdoors?
NS: I’m outside every morning with my dog as we take our walks, and because I live in such a lovely area of the country, I’m outside most afternoons or evenings as well. I think it’s important to spend time outside. As far as my favorite places, I particularly enjoy panoramic vistas, whether it be someplace like the Grand Canyon, or at the beach, or on a safari in Africa, or amid the glaciers of Patagonia. The beauty of nature brings to mind a sense of wonder, and I think life should be filled with wonder as much as possible.
Q: What do you hope stays with readers long after finishing Counting Miracles?
NS: I simply hope they remember, and adore, the story and the characters for a long, long time.
References
Bylsma, L. M., Vingerhoets, A. J. J. M., & Rottenberg, J. (2008). When is crying cathartic? An international study. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 27(10), 1165–1187. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2008.27.10.1165
Vingerhoets AJJM, Bylsma LM. The Riddle of Human Emotional Crying: A Challenge for Emotion Researchers. Emot Rev. 2016 Jul;8(3):207–217. doi: 10.1177/1754073915586226. Epub 2015 May 28. PMID: 30854025; PMCID: PMC6402489.
Vingerhoets A. J. J. M., Scheirs J. (2000). Sex differences in crying: empirical findings and possible explanations. In: Gender and Emotion: Social Psychological Perspectives. ed. Fischer A. H. (Cambridge: University Press; ), 143–166.
