Fidelity—and the Lack of It—in Human Transactions

I recently had to undergo major surgery. I researched doctors and found the person whom I believed to be best qualified to perform the minimally invasive approach I preferred.

This doctor, a notable expert in her field, has experienced rapid growth in her practice, expanding clinical and administrative teams. They have developed elaborate systems to handle a wide range of cases, applying complex clinical, financial, scheduling, and administrative protocols.

The problem I experienced several times throughout my interactions with their system was a lack of fidelity; they did not do things they said they would do at the time they promised to do them.

Promised follow-up phone calls never came, estimates of cost were long delayed, a crucial post-op appointment scheduled a month in advance and confirmed several times was changed on the same day because the doctor suddenly had a meeting to attend.

Knowing I might be physically and emotionally fragile after surgery, why did they think they could do this to me with no consequence to my healing?

No one involved intentionally overlooked my needs or wished to frustrate and inconvenience me. There were good reasons, no doubt, for the breaches I experienced in their customer service and consideration for my overall health.

When I shared my feelings with the doctor, she was apologetic, understood and validated my feelings, swore that none of it was intentional, and offered to do anything that might help me move past the rupture in our relationship.

After being heard and validated, I forgave all involved and recommitted to returning for my next follow-up appointment. I was also heartened that she took me seriously and said she would address with her staff some systemic problems revealed by my story.

The whole experience prompted me to ponder its social, psychological, and ethical aspects, especially through the lens of fidelity in all types of relationships, not just professional ones.

Professional Fidelity

Let us start with professional applications of the principle and generalize from there.

Both the American Psychological Association (APA) and the American Counseling Association (ACA) include fidelity as one of the foundational values that undergird the principles and practices enumerated in their Codes of Ethics.

The ACA’s list of values includes autonomy, nonmaleficence, beneficence, justice, and fidelity, which they define concisely as honoring commitments and keeping promises, including fulfilling one’s responsibilities of trust in professional relationships.

The APA Code states that psychologists are expected to establish relationships of trust with those with whom they work.

Fidelity is a non-negotiable element for establishing trust between professionals and those they serve. It promotes good outcomes for the client or patient (beneficence) and protects them from harm, whether intentional (nonmaleficence) or unintentional (malpractice).

Patients need to have confidence that their providers will be truthful, can accurately assess their problems, are financially trustworthy, and are committed to following through with the services they’ve promised.

When seeking and choosing a provider of mental health services, these are important standards to keep in mind.

Personal Fidelity

The place of fidelity in the ethics codes aligns with its broader dictionary definitions:

Faithfulness to something to which one is bound by pledge or duty; strict and continuing faithfulness to an obligation, trust, or duty.

Several helpful synonyms include allegiance, fealty, loyalty, devotion, and piety, each adding nuance to the term.

Just as fidelity matters in professional relationships, it matters in personal relationships—including intimate partnerships, friendships, collegial collaborations, or business teams. All involve human transactions that should be undergirded by a foundation of fidelity and trust.
Fidelity is part of the glue that holds civilizations together.

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How does this play out in the real world?

A brief scroll through any social media feed quickly reveals that over recent decades, there has been a diminished emphasis on fidelity and integrity as necessary building blocks of healthy character development.

A sense of entitlement is bringing out latent narcissism in many individuals, allowing them to justify truly horrid, destructive behavior. If people believe they are the center of everything, that they need to be served and are not required to serve others, they will not hold themselves accountable to keep their word. Fidelity will be absent, at least to some degree. This brings real harm to individuals and societies.

Fidelity in marriage and beyond

Fidelity in marriage is typically narrowed to sexual faithfulness or the loss of it, i.e., infidelity. But it can be broadened by our definitions to include many other aspects we'd like to expect in all significant relationships.

• Do those in the relationship say what they mean and do what they say they will do?
• Do they accept accountability when they fail?
• Do they take responsibility and make amends for mistakes of commission or omission?
• Are they honest and clear in their communication?
• Do they strive to keep their promises?

This is a huge issue not only in the realm of customer service, as I experienced with my doctor’s practice, but also in life at home and amidst all of our spheres of mutual care and influence.

If we say we will call, we do call. If we promise to do something for someone, we follow through until it is done.

Telling the truth, keeping our promises, and practicing fidelity truly matters. When this value breaks down in a culture, individual well-being and societal harmony are threatened with collapse.

We can’t dictate that others hold to the character trait and value system of fidelity. But we can own it for ourselves and be part of the solution, helping to mend tears in our social fabric.