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Key points
- Forty-four percent of high school students in the United States have reported feeling suicidal in the past year.
- No one chooses to be suicidal. These types of thoughts often develop over time, especially when feelings and emotional pain are being buried.
- When you feel hopeless, do something that makes you feel hopeful. Think about different people in your life who appreciate your strengths.
As kids and teenagers head back to school, people are reporting a surge in their depression and anxiety. We are a grieving society that is trying to manage post-pandemic PTSD, school shootings and another 9/11 anniversary. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 44 percent of high school students in the United States have reported feeling hopeless in the past year. One in five teens has considered suicide during the pandemic. Before the pandemic, approximately 45,000 adults committed suicide and over 1.2 million adults considered suicide, according to American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
What causes somebody to commit suicide? Why do so many teens and adults consider ending their own lives? Suicidal tendencies are a reaction to a variety of events happening in our lives. For example, I have counseled several teenagers through the years who have developed major depression with suicidal urges after experiencing the divorce of their parents, sexual assault, sudden loss of a family member and bullying by peers. No one chooses to be suicidal. These types of thoughts often develop over time, especially when feelings and emotional pain are being buried.
Thoughts and Feelings People Have Who Are Suicidal
It is not uncommon for people diagnosed with depression or PTSD to tell me, “Maybe this world would be better off if I were not in it.” I can remember feeling like that as a teenager many times. Emotional pain left unaddressed feels dark, empty and alienating. I wanted to end my life because I could not tolerate the shame and pain I was feeling as a result of being abused by members of my family. I have met parents who have wanted to disappear because they felt trapped or inadequate. I counseled one woman who considered suicide on and off for years due to an abusive marriage and trying to parent two teenagers who were addicted to drugs. She learned in therapy that considering suicide gave her an out when her life felt out of control. Over time, she realized that she could take steps to ward off feelings of hopelessness. She eventually ended her marriage and got both of her daughters into a drug rehabilitation center. She worked on placing her feelings of guilt and shame, and eventually she found ways to contain the despair.
I have met teenagers who have told me they want to end it all because “the pain in my brain and body is intolerable and I cannot take it anymore.” I worked with one young trans woman who started feeling suicidal at the age of 11. She talked in therapy about her gender issues and her family’s inability to tolerate her identity as a female. She began to build a support network of friends and other trans teens. In therapy she learned that her life was worth fighting for, even if her own parents could not accept her gender preference.
A couple of weeks ago a friend reached out to me when one of her friends was threatening suicide. She texted me saying, “I do not know what to do.” She went on to tell me, “Joe just texted me and said he wanted to die. He said he was gay and being bullied by some of his family members.” After I offered her resources to share with him, we spoke about how scary it was to hold information that felt life-threatening. We reminded each other that he would not have told my friend what his thoughts were if all of him wanted to stop fighting.
There are a variety of situations that can lead to major depression and suicidality. There are resources and strategies we can use to help ourselves or loved ones. I wanted to share some of tips I have used in my recovery from PTSD and depression and also offer some suggestions of what you can do if you know someone who is feeling like they want to give up.
Tips for People with Suicidal Thoughts or Feelings
Ask for help. Reach out to your local crisis center or well-known organizations that handle suicidality.
Do not shame yourself for having these types of thoughts.
Think about what kind of support you need so you do not have to face these feelings alone. Find an online support group that handles depression or PTSD.
Write down all the people who love and support you, even if they do not understand what you are going through. Make sure to include family pets. They may not tell you they need you, but they do!
Use creative outlets to express your pain, such as creative writing, singing, yoga, art, equine therapy, and dance.
Recognize that contemplating suicide is a thought in the moment and if you speak it to a therapist or someone who is trained to handle these feelings you can make a plan for safety.
Validate that these feelings may be more active during times of stress or loss.
When you feel hopeless, do something that makes you feel hopeful. Think about different people in your life that appreciate your strengths and gifts.
Tips for Loved Ones Who Know Someone Who Is Suicidal
Listen without judgment. Ask questions. Remain calm.
Rather than argue with your loved one, try and find out what is causing him or her to feel this hopeless.
Give your loved one phone numbers of therapists or hotlines that help.
Offer to go with them or drive them to a therapy session or sit with them while they call a hotline.
Help to create a safety plan. Have phone numbers for suicide hotlines written down and keep them on your refrigerator or in your cell phone.
Remove sharp objects, medications or anything that could be used for self-harm.
Get support for yourself! It is scary to know someone you care about is struggling with self-destructive thoughts.
If you do not live with the person struggling with suicidality touch base via phone. Know your limits as well. If you are dealing with mental health issues as well, take care of yourself first.
Encourage positive living that includes healthy eating, exercise, and sleep.
If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7 dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
References
Suicide statistics | AFSP
