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Key points
- People who are very aware of their feelings may have an innately high level of interoceptive awareness.
- Interoception is the intricate network of internal senses that forms the foundation for all our emotions.
- Use your deep feelings to bridge to others who don't experience their emotions as strongly.
Are your emotions never far below the surface?
Do you fear that people think less of you because you “want too much” or get hurt “too easily”?
Do “phony” or superficial conversations and behaviors drive you crazy but also make you feel bad because you never simply fit in with the crowd?
Do you sometimes wish you didn’t feel as much as you do?
If this sounds like you, you may have suffered a lot of judgment from others. People who are very feelingful often get a lot of negative labels placed on them. They’re “irrational,” “immature,” “childish," “overly sensitive,” or “just too much.” They may read or may have been told that their “overreactions” are the result of unresolved trauma, which may be partially true, but that still suggests that their emotional nature is a problem that needs to be therapy-ized into calmness.
But what if your strongly emotional nature, despite the problems it can cause, isn’t a deficiency or defect, something “broken” about you? What if it’s a gift that needs to be developed, like a great mind or a musical ear?
It could be that most people who are extra-emotional were born with an exceptionally high level of acuity to a sense that few people have ever heard of, but is absolutely vital to our very survival.
That sense is called interoception.
Interoception: Your Emotional Sixth Sense
Everyone’s heard of the five external senses: sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell. But few have learned about interoception, the amazingly intricate network of internal senses that tells your brain everything that’s going on within you.
Every second, millions of signals get sent to your brain from every corner of your body, but especially from your heart, lungs, and gastrointestinal system. Together they form a kind of internal “weather report” for how you feel inside and what your body needs to stay in balance. Most of the signals stay far below our conscious awareness. It’s unnecessary for us to notice them, and they would totally overwhelm us if we did. But the ones we’re aware of form the basis of our experience as living, breathing human beings. They’re literally what lets us know we’re alive.
People differ greatly in how many internal bodily signals “break through” to conscious awareness. Those who don’t consciously register many of these signals may not be very aware of what they feel, or even that they’re feeling anything.
But strong feelers—let’s call them “extra-emotionals”— hear these signals loud and clear. They’re viscerally more aware of their feelings and can’t ignore them as easily as other people can.
The Value of Strong Emotional Awareness
While there are people whose emotionality is a symptom of a mental disorder, a great many extra-emotionals are highly successful and accomplished. They have a strong drive to grow and feel fulfilled in both their career and personal lives.
Quite often, the interoceptive acuity of extra-emotionals makes them highly attuned and empathic to other people’s vulnerable feelings. They’re often the person people turn to when they “need someone to talk to.”
But their feelingful nature can also cause them trouble. Having more access to your inner senses amounts to a lot of extra information and “juice” flowing through your system. It can be overwhelming at times, hard to hide or hold back. And, unfortunately, it’s rarely seen as an asset in a society that treats feelings as a liability when it comes to the “real” business of life.
Like any member of a marginalized minority group, people who are extra-emotional can come to see their difference as a flaw they should fix if they can, or keep hidden if they can’t. This is harmful to the soul. If a fundamental aspect of your nature is constantly treated as deviant, it’s hard to feel pride in your true self. You’re also less likely to develop that side of yourself constructively into the great strength and gift it can be.
Embracing and Befriending Your Emotional Nature
If you’re an extra-emotional, you may wish you could be even-keeled and unflappable. But the best way forward is to embrace who you are and become even more emotionally aware and connected.
The way to do this is to befriend your deep inner feelings, including your difficult and painful ones. The trick is to turn toward them without falling completely into them. Breathe into them. Sense them. Acknowledge them. Be gentle with them. Treat them as good friends who are telling you something others may not see—but who still shouldn’t be followed blindly because they may only know a part of the truth.
Emotion+Understanding=Connection
Extra-emotionals need to cultivate something else as well. Because other people operate so differently, they also need to cultivate the ability to connect with others from their strong feelings.
Extra-emotionals have a need for relationships that are more open and authentic. Much as they might wish they could at times, they can’t block out knowing when they or others are being guarded and inauthentic.
This can cause problems. People who feel strongly can have a hard time relating to the idea that someone close to them may not be able to be so in touch or may not want or be able to show their feelings on the outside. When a person they care about doesn’t respond equally to their openness, it can trigger the feeling of how “different” they are and how they “want more” from the relationship than the other person.
The Achilles heel for extra-emotionals is when the hurt caused by years of being rejected, ridiculed, and even bullied for the way they are becomes so strong that they put up a shield inside and stop being aware that other people have feelings, when the other person simply may not be showing them. That’s when it’s important to bridge with your feelings, realizing that others aren’t as aware of their emotions as you are and are probably not deliberately trying to distance or reject you.
Irrepressibly Emotional
There’s tremendous strength in the vulnerability of true emotions. Finding the positive power of your irrepressibly emotional self can help you shine your light into the world and help others feel safe to be more open as well. And that’s something the world needs now more than ever.
