Talking Honestly With Kids (and Yourself) in Tough Times

Last week, my teenager looked up from his phone after having read a recent news headline, a worried expression spreading across his face. “Mom, is everything going to be OK?”

It was one of those questions that stops you in your tracks—not because you don’t know the answer, but because the answer is... complicated.

My first instinct was to reassure him with some variation of “Yes, of course, everything will be fine,” followed by a pat on the shoulder and a cookie. But I paused. I didn’t want to lie. And I didn’t want to load him up with every existential fear currently bouncing around in my adult brain, either.

So I took a breath, and I said, “I don’t know everything that’s going to happen. A lot of things are really hard right now. But I do know we’re not alone in trying to make things better—and that matters.”

It wasn’t a perfect answer. But it was honest. And it wasn’t hopeless.

The Tightrope Between Truth and Terror

Whether you’re parenting, leading a team, teaching students, or just trying to keep your own head above water, you’ve likely felt this tension:

How do you talk about the state of the world without sugarcoating—or spiraling? How do you tell the truth when the truth is messy, painful, or uncertain?

Psychologists refer to this balance as adaptive coping—the process of acknowledging stress while also reinforcing agency and meaning (Lazarus & Folkman, 1984). It’s not about ignoring what’s hard; it’s about holding complexity in both hands: Yes, things are tough. And yes, we can still respond with purpose, connection, and care.

Why Honesty (Without Hopelessness) Matters More Than Ever

We’re living through what many psychologists describe as a polycrisis—a convergence of multiple global stressors happening at once: climate change, economic instability, political upheaval, mental health struggles, and more.

It’s a lot. For all of us.

And it’s tempting—especially with kids or in leadership roles—to default to oversimplified reassurances. But here’s the truth: People, even kids, are better at handling hard truths than we give them credit for. What they struggle with is confusion and mixed messages.

When we pretend things are fine, but our tone, tension, or tears say otherwise, we model emotional dissonance. That teaches kids (and employees, and partners) that truth is something we have to hide.

On the flip side, when we dump our worst fears onto others without context or care, we can breed anxiety and paralysis.

So what’s the alternative?

Grounded honesty. The kind that acknowledges the hard while anchoring in the hopeful.

Honest ≠ Hopeless: What It Looks Like in Practice

Let’s be clear—honest conversations don’t require having all the answers. In fact, they often start with three of the most grounding words: “I don’t know.”

• “I don’t know what next year will look like, but I do know we’ll face it together.”
• “I don’t know when things will change, but I do know change is possible.”
• “I don’t know how to fix everything, but I do know I can do something.”

This blend of truth + agency helps build psychological resilience. According to Dr. Lisa Damour, a leading adolescent psychologist, “What kids need most during times of uncertainty is not a guarantee of safety, but a sense that the adults around them are steady and responsive.”

That applies to teams and communities, too. Good leaders don’t pretend things are fine when they’re not. They model calm presence, clear thinking, and willingness to face uncertainty head-on.

Four Ways to Practice Grounded Honesty in Conversations

Whether you’re talking to your child, your team, your students—or yourself—these strategies can help you find that honest-not-hopeless balance:

1. Name the hard thing—then name a next step.

When we avoid talking about hard things, we unintentionally teach others that they should avoid them, too. Instead, try naming the reality and the response.

• “Yes, climate change is real and scary. So let’s talk about the ways we can help, even in small ways.”
• “Yes, layoffs are happening. Let’s talk about what we can control and how we support each other.”

This validates emotions while reinforcing action. It’s not about fixing everything—it’s about choosing what to do next.

2. Resist the urge to wrap it up with a bow.

Not every hard moment needs a silver lining. Sometimes what people need most is to hear, “Yeah, this is really hard.”

Let go of the pressure to tie everything up neatly. Model emotional tolerance—the ability to sit with discomfort and keep going.

3. Ask more than you answer.

Whether you’re talking to your kid or a coworker, asking thoughtful, open-ended questions builds trust and invites real reflection.

• “What are you hearing that’s worrying you?”
• “What part feels the hardest right now?”
• “What do you wish people were saying out loud?”

Then, just listen. Let them be the expert on their own emotions.

4. Anchor in what you know (even when it's small).

When everything feels uncertain, people need to hear what is solid.

• “I don’t have all the answers, but I’m here.”
• “We’ve made it through hard things before.”
• “I can’t control everything, but I can keep showing up.”

These small statements of steadiness can serve as emotional life rafts.

Leadership Is Emotional Modeling

Whether you’re leading a team or guiding a child through a tough season, your presence matters more than your perfection.

You don’t need to have the perfect answer. You need to be honest, present, and anchored.

Research on emotional contagion (Hatfield et al., 1993) shows that people absorb the emotional tone of those around them. When leaders (and parents) model calm honesty, others learn to trust—not just them, but themselves.

When we show that we can face hard things without shutting down or pretending, we give others permission to do the same.

You Don’t Have to Know Everything to Lead Through Uncertainty

We’re all living in a world that feels like it’s shifting under our feet. There’s no script for this, no easy answers. But there is power in grounded honesty. In saying, “Yes, this is hard—and here’s how we keep going.”

So the next time your child, your colleague, or your inner voice asks, “Is everything going to be OK?” you don’t need to promise a perfect future. You just need to say: “I don’t know everything. But I do know we’ll face it together. And I’m not going anywhere.”

And sometimes, that’s more than enough.