If the Grand Canyon Can’t Please Everyone, Neither Can You

A Grand One Star Review

Source: Lindsey Godwin/Dall-E/Used with permission

Our family just returned from our first visit to the Grand Canyon and let me tell you: Pictures don’t even come close. The sheer size, the way the colors shift with the light, the layers of history etched into the rock, the kind of silence that feels vast enough to swallow you whole—it’s impossible to stand there and not be in awe.

But, as I soon discovered, not everyone feels that way.

After scrolling through Yelp reviews of the Grand Canyon (because yes, that’s a thing), I couldn’t stop laughing at some of the one-star ratings people had left for one of the most stunning natural wonders in the world.

• “A hole. A very, very large hole.”
• “There was dirt EVERYWHERE and the hiking trail was too long!”
• “Where are the vending machines?? Also, nowhere to charge my phone!”
• “It’s way too deep to even see the bottom.”

I mean, imagine standing at the edge of a 6-million-year-old geological masterpiece and thinking, “This place would be better with a snack bar and some Wi-Fi.”

And yet, here we are.

The lesson? Even the Grand Canyon gets bad reviews. You cannot, will not, and should not try to please everyone.

Which got me thinking: If one of the greatest natural wonders on earth can’t escape criticism, why do so many of us exhaust ourselves trying to avoid it?

The People-Pleasing Trap (and Why It’s Especially Hard for Women)

People-pleasing is more than just being kind or thoughtful. It’s when your decisions—big and small—are dictated by how others may perceive them, rather than what you actually want or need. It’s the constant, exhausting effort of trying to make everyone happy, even at the expense of your own well-being.

And here’s the kicker: research shows that women are particularly prone to this trap. Studies on gender socialization suggest that from an early age, girls are often encouraged (explicitly or subtly) to be accommodating, likable, and self-sacrificing (Leaper & Friedman, 2007). This conditioning follows many women into adulthood, showing up in our personal and professional lives as:

• Saying yes to things we don’t have time or energy for.
• Bending over backward to avoid disappointing others.
• Feeling guilty for setting boundaries.
• Silencing our needs in order to “keep the peace.”

My colleagues, Molly McGuigan, Miriam Novotny, and I recently wrote about this in our new book, Ditch the Ditty: Doing What Matters Instead of Doing It All. (2025). Ditties are all those things we say yes to—often out of a people-pleasing instinct—to be polite, to avoid upsetting others, or simply because we feel we should. But as the Grand Canyon reviews remind us, people-pleasing is a lousy fuel. No matter how much we do, someone will always find something to complain about, leaving us drained and unfulfilled.

So how do we stop the cycle of people-pleasing and start making decisions that actually serve us? Here are three ways to begin.

1. Pay Attention to the “Invisible Invoice”

Every time you say yes to something out of people-pleasing, you're essentially writing an invisible invoice—a debt that will come due later in the form of time, energy, or resentment.

Think about it:

• Agreeing to take on a project you don’t have capacity for = an invoice of stress.
• Hosting the family gathering when you’d rather not = an invoice of exhaustion.
• Saying “yes” to dinner plans when you’re beyond drained = an invoice of resentment.

The problem? We rarely notice these invoices until it’s time to pay up. By then, we’re overwhelmed, depleted, and wondering why we’re so exhausted.

Try this: Before saying yes to anything, pause and ask yourself: What is this invoice going to cost me? If the price is too high, it’s a sign that you need to say no (or at least renegotiate the terms).

2. Shift from “What Will They Think?” to “What Do I Need?”

One of the biggest reasons we people-please is fear:

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• What will they think if I say no?
• Will they be mad at me?
• Will they think I’m selfish, rude, or difficult?

But here’s the thing: Those people aren’t the ones living your life. You are.

Psychological research on self-determination theory (Deci & Ryan, 2013) suggests that humans thrive when we feel a sense of autonomy—when our decisions align with our own needs, values, and desires rather than external pressures.

People-pleasing is the opposite of autonomy. It’s making decisions based on how others might react, rather than what actually feels right for us.

Try this: The next time you feel the pull to people-please, pause and reframe the question. Instead of asking, What will they think? ask yourself: What do I actually want? Shifting your focus from external validation to internal clarity can be a game-changer.

3. Let People Be Disappointed (and Survive It)

Here’s a radical truth: You are allowed to disappoint people. And they (and you) will survive it.

Many of us have internalized the idea that disappointing someone is equivalent to hurting them. But they are not the same.

• Saying no to something you don’t want to do is not cruel.
• Setting a boundary is not selfish.
• Prioritizing your own well-being is not a betrayal.

People are allowed to have their feelings, but that doesn’t mean you have to rearrange your life to prevent them from ever experiencing disappointment.

Try this: The next time you set a boundary and someone reacts negatively, remind yourself: Their feelings are theirs to process. My job is to honor what I need.

Be the Grand Canyon

At the end of the day, people-pleasing is an unwinnable game. You can’t control how others perceive you, and you certainly can’t make everyone happy. Perhaps we all need to take some lessons from the Grand Canyon:

• Stand firm in who you are.
• Don’t shrink yourself to accommodate other people’s expectations.
• Know that no matter what you do, someone somewhere will have an opinion—and that opinion does not define you.

So go ahead. Retire from the full-time job of managing everyone else’s expectations. Say yes to what fuels you, no to what drains you, and let the rest sort itself out.

And if all else fails, just remember: There will always be people who complain about the lack of vending machines at a natural wonder of the world.