Is Insight Always Enough to Change?

“I know what I’m supposed to do, but I’m just not doing it.” This is a refrain of people who chronically feel stuck. And, most of the time, others, therapists included, step aside, thinking, “Well, I’ve said all there is to say.”

Yet, the truth is more complicated. What do people really mean by that comment? And is knowing what’s right, or at least indicating one knows, enough to actually do what’s right? This statement tends to frustrate those who hear it because it’s a dead end, an automatic discontinuation of dialogue and potential confrontation. “Yeah, yeah; I get it” So, it serves its purpose.

The fundamental question of psychotherapy is: Is insight enough? Many believe there’s a strong distinction between wanting to change and not being able to; yet, the line becomes blurry upon inspection. Unfortunately, those who wield the comment above take advantage of that fuzziness, leading others to believe that the individual struggling is merely waiting to make up their mind, to decide on when they want to change. In reality, however, they’re often avoiding acknowledging a deeper truth, or several.

The word “just” is an indicator as we seldom “just” do or not do anything. So here are some of the reasons why people use the above-noted comment and avoid making important life changes.

1. It precludes criticism. Telling someone that you have insight into your problems usually stops them from calling you thoughtless, inconsiderate, or stupid. In essence, this comment lets the other know that you’re merely one step away from solving your problems and they need not intervene, for doing so would “just” waste their time. “I got this” is the message and the only thing standing in my way is time. “I know what you’re going to say and no need; I already know.”
2. To avoid acknowledging they believe something seemingly irrational. Even after a thorough examination, we may still continue to hold onto irrational beliefs while noting that, of course, we believe otherwise. This happens often in treatment - a patient will say, “I know that’s irrational.” Yet, they aren’t admitting their commitment to the irrational belief despite acknowledging their acceptance of the strong case against it. If they don’t really accept the new belief (or if that’s the sense you’re getting because they aren’t acting on it), it’s worth exploring why not and if the irrational belief makes them feel safe enough to continue to overvalue safety. Some prefer a sense of security to the truth, regardless of the set of competing beliefs. Psychotherapist and award-winning journalist Moya Sarner famously noted that “Some choose a safe life over a better life.” And some also believe a better one is impossible for them, again, even if that’s left unsaid.
3. They’re dependent while masking as hyper-independent. Some people hardly ever take significant risks These individuals, usually ashamed of that fact, hide behind the examined comment. For it projects strength. It indicates they can change whenever they want to but just haven’t done so yet. It pushes away the potential for aid (which, if they accept it, may cause them to feel weak), implying, “You can’t do anything else for me.” And, at the same time, they may indeed wish for someone to take the risk for them, while taking all of the responsibility away from them.
4. They keep moving the goal posts. Some will only act if they’re 100% certain that the more rational belief is true. Rather than someone taking a risk for them, they wish for the universe to make the endeavor risk-free.
5. They strongly believe they can’t tolerate failure and/or rejection. For those who consistently bully themselves, changing their inner-monologue is challenging. Their inner-critics are often waiting to pounce, so they demand certainty in order to thwart them.
6. They’re perfectionists. These individuals may wish to keep all of their possibilities in front of them, believing that no matter what they achieve, they’ll feel let down, as nothing is perfect. However, this is often a mask for their deep anxiety of rejection and abandonment.

For some, multiple reasons apply. But, if you’re ever stuck repeating that comment or stuck hearing it, repeatedly, know that it’s merely an evasion of a deeper problem. Psychotherapy too often stops at introspection (and for various reasons). Yet, as our graduate school professor, Rose-Marie Chatterton, told us: “Insight without action is sh*t.” That statement has always stuck with me. While I don’t hold such a strong view of action, I’ll say that insight without action isn’t enough. If you’re in treatment, merely learning about yourself while struggling in the ways you always have, it’s time to reconsider your relationship to risk-taking and your anxiety in general.

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