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Although some people tend to see their glass as half full, everyone will at least sometimes see it as half empty (and, at the worst of times, even fully drained). If you feel caught in the habit of observing, listing, and immersing yourself in life’s difficulties, positive experiences might elude you. A negative perspective leads to negative feelings, and negative feelings lead to a negative perspective. However, despite the self-perpetuating nature of this dynamic, there is a way to turn this cycle around.
In the name of honoring your desire to feel happier, try this simple experiment:
1. Print out the list of positive emotions below and read them. I have taken them from a chart in my book that lists negative emotions, too. But for the moment, I want you to focus on the positive. As you read the words, take time to mull them over. Think about when you might have felt that way. Ask yourself how often you have failed to notice experiencing that particular kind of feeling. Consider whether you have discounted them because they weren’t particularly intense.
To be clear, you are not trying to force yourself to feel any particular emotion. This isn’t about what you “should” be feeling. Your task is to identify ways that you did feel, even if you didn’t acknowledge them to yourself.
2. Each evening, perhaps after dinner or before bedtime, review the list again. Make a mental note of the particular positive emotions that you felt at any point in the day—even if only for a brief time.
3. Continue the exercise for 6-8 weeks.
As you continue doing this exercise, you will likely discover that the words come more easily. You might also find that you are acknowledging and labeling these emotions during the day, as they are happening.
The goal of this exercise is to help you balance your perspective in life. It is not to make you a wide-eyed optimist or a ‘bundle of sunshine.’ Rather, by including the many different kinds of positive experiences into your awareness, you can learn to embrace the good feelings along with acknowledging the painful ones. This will help you to tolerate life’s difficulties more easily. It builds emotional resilience. And, as a result of this new perspective, you will find that you will more often see your glass as half (or maybe even three-quarters) full!
Note: I have developed this exercise based on research that has been done on other similar interventions and research related to identifying and labeling emotions. So, if you try this experiment and want to share your experience with it, I’d love to hear from you.
Leslie Becker-Phelps, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice and is on the medical staff at Somerset Medical Center in Somerville, NJ. She also writes a blog for WebMD (The Art of Relationships) and is the relationship expert on WebMD’s Relationships and Coping Community.
Dr. Becker-Phelps is also the author of Insecure in Love.
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Making Change blog posts are for general educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation; and they should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional assistance.
Personal change through compassionate self-awareness
