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Having the Motivation to Use Online Dating

Some tips to help you succeed.

Woman using dating site
Source: Andrey_Popov/Shutterstock

Online dating as a way of finding a romantic partner has many benefits. In fact, it is now the case that more people meet through online dating than through any other way of meeting. In addition to this, research now tells us that relationships and marriages that start online last longer and are less likely to end in divorce than those which are the result of more traditional ways of meeting. So what are the benefits of online dating?

The benefits

Quite simply, the benefits of online dating can be summarised as follows.

Firstly, the number of people using online dating and the number of dating sites, means that online dating offers more of a choice of potential partners than face-to-face meetings. The advantage is that it allows you to connect with others you’d never normally have met.

Secondly, some dating sites promise to match you with potential dates who meet the characteristics you are searching for. In many cases, you may be seeking someone similar to yourself, and research has consistently shown that similarity between partners is a strong predictor of success in romantic relationships.

Thirdly, online dating allows you to communicate and chat with potential dates before you meet them face-to-face, allowing us to choose those who we like and who match what we’ve been searching for before we actually meet face-to-face.

Finally, online dating is quick and convenient. You can set up a profile and start connecting with others in minutes.

Having the confidence to use online dating

If you have not used online dating before, then you may be slightly apprehensive about signing up. So, quite simply how might you gain the confidence to go about using online dating? In simple terms, confidence is all about how we feel about our ability to do things, so how do you get to be confident at online dating?

Firstly, recognise your positive features and know your worth. This is what psychologists call "mate value." In other words, this is what you "bring to the party," your good looks, talents, or even your wealth. Keep reminding yourself of your value, and that other people will want you because of the qualities you possess.

Secondly, if you get rejected then it really doesn’t matter. It happens. Have the confidence to take control and move on. After all, you have the power to control your dating profile and how you interact with others. Feeling in control is one of the key components of resilience. Remember also that there is no such thing as "the one." There is always someone else, and you will find them.

Thirdly, relax. You might not find perfection, so instead enjoy yourself. Examine the profiles of potential dates and think of them in terms of who might be the best person with whom to have a fun date.

Finally, don’t expect immediate results (unless of course, you happen to be George Clooney or Scarlett Johansson). It may take time to get results through online dating, so don’t be put off and give up with online dating too soon.

A few tips to help you achieve online dating success

Finally, here are just a few of many tips to help you achieve a degree of online dating success. First and foremost, remember that your online dating profile is your "shop window," it is the first thing other people see, and will use to form a first impression of you. As we know, first impressions count, so here are a few tips to help with this.

Firstly, you might consider getting someone to help you choose your online dating profile pictures and also advise you on what to write in your profile description. Often other people often see us differently to the way in which we see ourselves and can often provide some honest information regarding our good points and maybe not so good points.

Secondly, include some photos alongside other people. There are numerous psychological benefits to being photographed with others, not least giving the impression of being a sociable person.

Thirdly, show your creative side, which means including some photos demonstrating your hobbies and interests, all of which have the effect of making you look interesting.

Fourthly, be a little mysterious sometimes, and make others curious enough to message you.

Fifthly, smile in your picture. If anything, you now look more approachable and friendly.

Finally, when you message anyone you might like, don’t send generic first contact (opening) messages "Hey, how are you?" Take a few minutes to look at the profile of the person you are messaging and find something about them to mention in your message. "I see you like running …" etc.

And on a final note, stay positive. It’s absolutely more attractive. Happy dating.