How to Cope With a Problem You Can't Solve Right Away

Source: Joeyy Lee / Unsplash

We all have times when we're shouldering the burden of a problem we can't solve right away.

For example, you might receive a stressful letter on a Friday that requires calling a government office that doesn't open until Monday. Or, perhaps you're managing a health concern, or awaiting the outcome of an insurance claim, where the settlement process might drag on for months.

When these stressors are thrust upon us, it can feel like we exist in a kind of limbo.

Because these events happen to all of us eventually, we need skills to prevent the pending problem from robbing us of our peace or stopping us from getting on with our lives.

Here are some practical tactics you can turn to.

5 Tactics To Manage Stress When You Need To Compartmentalize

Because everyone's situation is different, try one strategy at a time and see if it works for you. If not, move on to another approach. There's plenty to try.

1. Ask questions designed to change your perspective.

These might include:

• If this turned out to be not a big deal, how would I wish I had coped? What would I wish I did more of? Less of?
• If this problem magically resolved right now, how would I act today? How would I think and feel? What type of peace would feel more available to me? What would I do differently?
• The opposite: If I were 100 percent sure this problem wasn't going to get any better in several months or more, how would I adjust?

These questions can help you visualize how not putting your life on hold and reclaiming your peace might look.

2. Distinguish between compartmentalization and avoidance.

Sometimes we feel like we're avoiding, when what we're doing is healthy compartmentalization.

Avoidance is when you're not taking your available steps to manage the problem. Compartmentalization is when you're taking those steps but need to pause during various waiting periods. Although these scenarios are very different, they can feel quite similar. You might feel on edge, frustrated, anxious, and exhausted.

To reassure yourself you're on the right track, gather data to prove to yourself that you're compartmentalizing, not avoiding. Break it down and define each. You can even spell it out depending on your particular circumstance: Compartmentalization looks like a, b, and c, whereas avoidance would look like x, y, or z. Here's an example:

Compartmentalization looks like:

• I've taken the steps I can, and I know when I'll be able to take the next action.
• I've written down what's out of my control right now, so I can mentally set it aside.
• I'm consciously choosing to focus on other parts of my life while I wait—not as a way to avoid, but as a way to stay grounded.

Avoidance would look like:

• I haven't taken the steps I could because the situation feels too overwhelming.
• I keep telling myself I'll deal with it later, but "later" keeps moving.
• I'm using distraction to numb myself rather than to ground myself.

If this process makes you realize you're avoiding, consider setting aside a full day to tackle it, rather than trying to push through on top of your usual work and routines.

3. Take at least as much rest as you usually would.

When we're in high alert mode, it's tempting to remain there— but you need rest to be in a good (ideally, fresh) state when it's once again time to work on the problem. Put yourself in the best possible frame of mind to respond when the hot potato is passed back to you.

Give yourself at least as much rest as you usually would, if not a little extra, to absorb the stress.

4. If your routines are disrupted, take the opportunity to do something positive you wouldn't usually do.

We often feel fearful when our good habits are disrupted. For example, I had to skip the gym today to go to the police station and fill out a report after a hit-and-run (I'm fine!). Our good habits anchor us, so disrupted routines on top of stress can be extra hard psychologically.

Stress Essential Reads

The Madness of the Modern World

The 5 R’s for Easing Back-to-School Stress

When your routines are interrupted, take it as an opportunity to either rest or do something you'd usually put off. Keep it simple:

• Clean out your handbag.
• Buy the new sheets you've needed for months.
• Organize your junk drawer.
• Go for a walk.

Times when our routines are disrupted—even when it's our good habits being thrown off—can be valuable opportunities to practice handling stress well and to engage in simple activities outside our usual habits or workflow.

5. Give yourself the pep talk you need.

It's easy to start emotionally spinning out when stress lands at your doorstep, especially when you can't clear away the mess right away.

It can make you spiral into believing you're doing a poor job of adulting, feel like you can't protect yourself and your loved ones adequately, or make you feel very unsupported (by institutions or society in general). In other words, it can make life feel very harsh.

Remind yourself what about the situation you're handling well, even if you're not handling it perfectly. Try to view the situation in a way that helps you feel closer to others than alone (experiencing these types of events is universal).

Although it seems a strange thing to say, try to be a little more open to the experience. In the mindfulness tradition, there aren't good or bad experiences, only the labels we put on them. Sometimes that can feel like a helpful perspective, but other times it can feel invalidating. You can experiment with various mindsets.

I'm sorry you're experiencing whatever has made this article feel relevant to you today. From the other side of the computer, I'm sending support and encouragement. Stress and anxiety can be very distressing and depleting. For extra tips on how to manage your mental state, try this guide to protecting your peace when you're experiencing uncontrollable stressors.