New Year…Still You

"The new start." Those three words sound good. Really good. They sound relieving. A new year means more possibilities, a chance for a do-over, or a more improved you. It can also be an opportunity to separate yourself from what went wrong last year or what you don’t like about yourself. You resolve to be better, do better, look better, act better, to take on a task or a goal you’ve been putting off. You resolve to be that version of you that has often felt just out of reach.

Sadly, for those who struggle with self-esteem and not feeling good enough, a new start is yet one more opportunity for a self-beat-up.

Like a Sisyphean task, self-improvement can become a hill that only gets steeper and harder with time. Striving for better necessitates compulsive self-evaluation, which means you will inevitably fall short. It’s like experiencing a beautiful day and obsessing about whether the sun is bright enough or if there are rain clouds on the horizon; eventually, the sun looks muted, and you start assuming rain.

New Year’s resolutions are not a problem per se and, for some, provide a psychological reset that is grounding and hopeful. In fact, research shows that the “fresh start effect” works. In response to momentous life events that signify the passage of time, like the new year, people do show increased motivation for change and growth. And contrary to popular thinking, the majority of people who make New Year’s resolutions actually successfully stick with their goal(s) throughout the year.

For some folks, this is the work of self-improvement. But if you struggle with low self-esteem, this kind of resolve for better is harmful and actually can keep you stuck.

If you spend much of your time working hard to feel okay about yourself and your life, yet all that work never seems to deliver the goods, consider shifting from what to change about yourself to accepting yourself, in full, just as you are.

Here are 10 resolutions to keep in mind for increasing self-esteem in 2025:

1. Resolve to give up repetitive resolutions that keep you stuck: Notice if you keep telling yourself the same things to work on and yet keep missing the mark. This indicates that you are not making healthy resolutions but merely engaging in compulsive self-criticism.
2. Resolve to override the negativity bias: It is evolutionarily advantageous to code what could be harmful to us more so than to keep top of mind all that is good. But this thinking isn’t so necessary in modern times. Make a point each day to note what you feel grateful for that has to do with you and something you personally are doing. This could be as small as being grateful that you are trying to accept yourself.
3. Resolve to add a new compassionate internal voice: When you find your old narrative kicking in, making you anxious about a setback, or beating you up for not doing something the ‘right’ way, meet it with a warm, compassionate, kind internal tone. Even if it feels fake or inauthentic, start doing it. It will eventually feel real.
4. Resolve to form a steady caregiver from within: When you get mixed up, full of self-doubt, or overwhelmed, try to go internal and connect with a caregiver who can give you direction. Even if you’ve never had a supportive parent in your life, conjure your idea of what a good caregiver would tell you at this moment. Ground yourself by being your own voice of reason.
5. Resolve to spend 5-10 minutes alone connecting with yourself each day: It is easy to avoid your very self. And the longer you do this, the more you need meaningless tasks or unhealthy people to distract you from you. Learn to be okay with yourself by literally being present and sitting quietly; breathe, journal, stretch.
6. Resolve to more deeply connect with others: Feeling good about yourself and that you belong immediately improves when we connect with others in an authentic way.
7. Resolve to stop and note how you feel in the various situations in your life: If you struggle with self-esteem, you may find you go from interaction to interaction or task to task by taking care of others and checking off items, but not really checking in with yourself. Stop and pause to notice the sensations in your body, ask yourself what am I feeling right now?
8. Resolve to stop and note your needs in the various situations in your life: Similar to #7, stop and note what you need from the people you interact with, your community or professional organization, and colleagues. Even if you don’t directly state it out loud, internally note what you need or how your needs are not being met. If you don’t know yourself, or your own mind, then no one else will.
9. Resolve to be here now for whatever time allows: Gaining perspective is essential. Time is fleeting. Perfect doesn’t exist. Learning to be present for what is in front of you makes all of the difference.
10. Resolve to deeply accept yourself: It is a reality and a paradox that to improve how you feel about yourself, you have to accept yourself fully, even the parts you don’t like. Like getting stuck in a Chinese finger trap, just as you relax your fingers, you are free. Acceptance doesn’t mean you like everything about yourself or your life. It does mean you don’t have to fight it, beat yourself up about it, or will yourself to change what can’t be changed. Acceptance frees up energy and self-esteem; resources that liberate new growth.