Has Your Everyday World Become Too Small?

Source: Sammy-Sander/Pixabay

Jack retired last year after 30 years on the job. He immersed himself in unfinished projects around the house for several months, but now his life has slowed down. He has lost touch with many of his work friends, and while he goes to the gym or plays golf, a significant portion of his day is spent browsing the internet or watching TV.

Emily’s life is quite structured. In addition to her 8-to-5 job, she dedicates Thursdays to laundry, Saturdays to house cleaning, and Tuesdays to dinner with her friend. Her daily activities—dinners and bedtimes—follow the same tight schedule.

Tess used to be always busy with a variety of hobbies and outside activities—volunteering at the library and doing crafts—but these have diminished over the past few months. She feels tired and lacks the motivation and interest she once possessed.

Some individuals’ daily lives are restricted by physical issues, such as chronic illness or injury, but for others—like Jack, Emily, and Tess—the limitations are psychological. Nevertheless, the consequences remain the same: Their activities and interests have diminished, and their world has contracted. Here are some common causes and their remedies:

Life transition

This is Jack, who is suddenly shifting from full days of work to none as he starts a new chapter in his life; parents who are empty-nesters or the recently divorced can feel the same. As former routines naturally wither away, the challenge of creating new ones emerges—setting new goals and establishing energizing routines that create a sense of purpose.

Anxiety

Emily admits that she is prone to anxiety and has found that following her routines helps her maintain balance. She also acknowledges that, at times, the routines feel stale and seem to control her life rather than allowing her to shape it, but she is afraid to make any changes.

Anxiety inherently drives us to withdraw and be cautious. For example, if you have social anxiety, your anxious brain tells you to avoid that party. If you fear germs, you wash your hands frequently. And if you’re like Emily, you may have learned to keep anxiety at bay by adhering to the same familiar routine day in and day out.

If you listen to your anxiety—you follow your routine, you skip the party—it works, and you feel better. But the problem is that in the long run, it makes the issue worse: Your tolerance for anxiety decreases, and you withdraw more and more, making your life smaller and smaller.

Depression

Tess’s lack of energy and interest reflects classic symptoms of depression: The world appears gray, and her attitude is one of indifference. While others may become irritable, their thinking remains unchanged—the why-bother attitude, marked by little joy or interest.

If you feel like Jack, Emily, or Tess, as if your world has become too small, the way to move forward is by addressing the underlying driver. Here’s how to get started:

Managing a Transition

As mentioned, the challenge for Jack is to find a new sense of purpose to replace his former focus on his job. He can’t do this by sitting on the couch; rather, he must go out and explore.

The key is to pay attention to any wisp of interest or excitement—a new hobby, volunteering, or looking for a part-time job. Whatever it may be, he needs to investigate it instead of dismissing it as impractical or too difficult. If he can do this sooner rather than later, before settling into his new routines, the outcome will be better.

Coping With Anxiety

Just as Jack’s challenge is finding a new purpose, Emily’s challenge is to expand her comfort zone. Again, if she continues to listen to her anxiety, she feels safe but limited—and this is likely to worsen because pulling back and relying on routines is effective. Instead, she needs to experiment with behavioral risks—like canceling her regular dinner date on Tuesdays if she doesn’t feel like it, or better yet, doing something different if she, like Jack, gets a wisp of something else that intrigues her. The goal is to shift away from the familiar to what she may want. She may not initially know, but she needs to cultivate those feelings by acting on them, no matter how weak or unsettling they may seem.

Self-Help Essential Reads

Why the Quarter-Life Crisis Is the New Mid-Life Crisis

5 Essential Self-Care Routines That Improve Mental Health

The antidote to anxiety is relatively simple yet challenging—run towards what you’re afraid of to both desensitize yourself to the feeling of anxiety and, more importantly, discover that what your anxious brain warns might happen usually doesn’t. This shift changes your perspective on the world, making it seem safer than you thought and transforming your view of yourself, revealing that you are more capable than you believed.

Addressing Depression

Tess needs to break the cycle and push back against depression. This may involve consulting a healthcare professional about antidepressant medication to biologically provide her with more energy and improve her outlook, enabling her to be more active, or incorporating more self-care and pushing herself to exercise even when her energy is low. Just as the antidote for anxiety is stepping outside your comfort zone, the antidote for depression is action—doing something rather than allowing your emotions to dictate your actions.

All this can be easier said than done, of course. Here, you may want to involve supportive others—Jack talks with other retirees to find out how they coped; Emily asks a friend to join her at a new meet-up group on Saturday instead of cleaning the house; Tess finds a therapist to help her locate a physician for medication or to encourage her to take weekly action steps.

Life is about possibilities, but when your world shrinks too much, you might feel those possibilities vanish. Perhaps it’s time to re-engage and discover that your life can be bigger than you believe.