Evolution of the Self

On the paradoxes of personality

Cognition
The Dangers of Magical Thinking

Leon F Seltzer PhD on April 24, 2025

However arbitrarily, we often believe that our knowledge of how life operates offers us power over it—that we can defend ourselves against any adversity that might arise.

However arbitrarily, we often believe that our knowledge of how life operates offers us power over it—that we can defend ourselves against any adversity that might arise.

Empathy
Don't Attack, Educate

Leon F Seltzer PhD on April 3, 2025

If you can validate another's contrasting viewpoint, you’ll maximize the possibility that they’ll take your opposing one more seriously than they would otherwise.

If you can validate another's contrasting viewpoint, you’ll maximize the possibility that they’ll take your opposing one more seriously than they would otherwise.

Intuition
Out of the Mouths of Babes Come Profound Insights

Leon F Seltzer PhD on March 26, 2025

Intuitively grasping that cordial relationships are more important than the disagreements that can undermine them, children will say things like, “Why can’t you just be friends?”

Intuitively grasping that cordial relationships are more important than the disagreements that can undermine them, children will say things like, “Why can’t you just be friends?”

Aging
Are You Prepared to Grow Older?

Leon F Seltzer PhD on March 19, 2025

If we're to truly accept growing older, we must reexamine the benefits versus costs of clinging to what will, sooner or later, be out of our control.

If we're to truly accept growing older, we must reexamine the benefits versus costs of clinging to what will, sooner or later, be out of our control.

Calling out unacceptable behavior
Assertiveness
Tolerance Can Be a Virtue, Up to a Point

Leon F Seltzer PhD on March 6, 2025

Not calling out inexcusable behavior conveys the message that it's within the bounds of acceptability—and that hardly accords with acting virtuously.

Not calling out inexcusable behavior conveys the message that it's within the bounds of acceptability—and that hardly accords with acting virtuously.

Motivation
Inertia: Why the Action of Inaction Is a Universal Tendency

Leon F Seltzer PhD on February 19, 2025

Individuals exhibit a natural tendency to do nothing or, on the contrary, to not discontinue doing whatever they're already engaged in. And that can be a real problem.

Individuals exhibit a natural tendency to do nothing or, on the contrary, to not discontinue doing whatever they're already engaged in. And that can be a real problem.

Aging
Confronting the Old Man in the Mirror

Leon F Seltzer PhD on February 13, 2025

Personal Perspective: What you need to do when your "mirrored self" represents a major degradation from your inwardly imagined self.

Personal Perspective: What you need to do when your "mirrored self" represents a major degradation from your inwardly imagined self.

Personality
Is There More Than One You?

Leon F Seltzer PhD on January 2, 2025

No matter which variant of your personality might be uppermost in your consciousness, that version will feel as though it represents your true, immutable, and unchangeable self.

No matter which variant of your personality might be uppermost in your consciousness, that version will feel as though it represents your true, immutable, and unchangeable self.

Pornography
Pornography: Pursuit of the Ideal?

Leon F Seltzer PhD on December 25, 2024

Pornographic pursuits are sometimes described as seeking behaviors, for when individuals attempt to sexually turn themselves on, that's precisely what they're engaged in.

Pornographic pursuits are sometimes described as seeking behaviors, for when individuals attempt to sexually turn themselves on, that's precisely what they're engaged in.

Trauma
When Childhood Trauma Cannot Be Shared

Leon F Seltzer PhD on December 18, 2024

An adult’s emotional well-being is badly compromised by their having experienced trauma as a child. But remedies for such conditions do exist.

An adult’s emotional well-being is badly compromised by their having experienced trauma as a child. But remedies for such conditions do exist.

Forgiveness
7 Reasons You May Struggle to Forgive Yourself

Leon F Seltzer PhD on November 20, 2024

Regardless of how warranted your self-righteous emotions may be, rationalizing why you took advantage of another, it still doesn’t help to hang onto feelings of guilt.

Regardless of how warranted your self-righteous emotions may be, rationalizing why you took advantage of another, it still doesn’t help to hang onto feelings of guilt.

Emotional Intelligence
Scared Curious?

Leon F Seltzer PhD on October 30, 2024

When we’re in an unresolvable conflict about whether to welcome something or make haste to avoid it, we realize we can't do both. Or can we?

When we’re in an unresolvable conflict about whether to welcome something or make haste to avoid it, we realize we can't do both. Or can we?

Neuroscience
When You Suppress Feelings, You Only Intensify Them—Why?

Leon F Seltzer PhD on October 23, 2024

It’s crucial to recognize that suppressing your thoughts or feelings isn’t the same as eliminating them, for what you’re really doing is ferrying them out of consciousness.

It’s crucial to recognize that suppressing your thoughts or feelings isn’t the same as eliminating them, for what you’re really doing is ferrying them out of consciousness.

Bias
Why Self-Compassion Doesn't Always Feel Tenable

Leon F Seltzer PhD on October 16, 2024

Even individuals who are customarily compassionate toward others may experience self-biased barriers in displaying such compassion toward themselves.

Even individuals who are customarily compassionate toward others may experience self-biased barriers in displaying such compassion toward themselves.

Fixing my relationship starts with me?
Relationships
6 Fixes for Your Relationship, Starting With Yourself

Leon F Seltzer PhD on October 9, 2024

Regardless of how much you may blame your partner for your relationship’s problems, it makes sense to first investigate how much you may have contributed to them.

Regardless of how much you may blame your partner for your relationship’s problems, it makes sense to first investigate how much you may have contributed to them.

Dreaming
Scary Nightmares That Try, But Fail, to Resolve Past Trauma

Leon F Seltzer PhD on September 26, 2024

It’s been documented repeatedly that vividly distressing dreams involve an individual’s unfortunate failure to integrate initially shocking memories into long-term memory.

It’s been documented repeatedly that vividly distressing dreams involve an individual’s unfortunate failure to integrate initially shocking memories into long-term memory.

Self-Help
5 Reasons We Fear Criticism

Leon F Seltzer PhD on September 17, 2024

Why do some of us find criticism so upsetting and humiliating, and what can we do to view it more objectively?

Why do some of us find criticism so upsetting and humiliating, and what can we do to view it more objectively?

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March 2026
The Friend Effect

Having friends protects you in multiple ways, from slowing cellular aging to deterring bullies to bolstering your self-esteem.

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Self Tests
Self Tests

Self Tests are all about you. Are you outgoing or introverted? Are you a narcissist? Does perfectionism hold you back? Find out the answers to these questions and more with Psychology Today.

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