Pleasure as an Antidote to the Pain of Divorce

The answer to pain relief is closer than you think.

Posted Aug 03, 2020

Photo by Vanessa Kintaudi on Unsplash
Source: Photo by Vanessa Kintaudi on Unsplash

Through the healing process of my divorce, it became clear that I was deeply pleasure deprived. While I always had an active sex life my awareness of my own pleasure was offline. I had to learn to reconnect to pleasure so I could have the abundant, exciting, fun, and vibrant life I have today. I want to teach you what I learned so you can connect to your pleasure center. 

This post is about getting in touch with your sensual pleasure. Before we do, there's a difference between sexual and sensual pleasure. Sexual pleasure refers to the body’s physical response to sexual stimulation. In our society, it is often defined by orgasm. However, once you start exploring sensual pleasure you will notice other ways to experience sexual pleasure. Sensual pleasure refers to your body’s response to input from all your five senses. This includes how your body responds to sounds, sights, textures, smells, and tastes. 

Many people also experience a sixth sense referred to as intuition. You can also get pleasure from this sense if you are tuned in to it. With sensual pleasure, you are paying attention to and guiding your body towards enjoyment. You are saying “yes” to whatever feels good to you. Notice what you feel like in your body when you read that last sentence. 

Go back and read it again and write down in a journal what it feels like to consider pursuing your pleasure. You might have some negative thoughts and resistance coming up. I completely expect that because so many of us were told to put our pleasure aside. We learned to think of other people’s pleasure first before our own especially if we are from a marginalized group. 

Before you can start embracing the value of pleasure you need to challenge some assumptions that might get you stuck. Remember that we all come to our relationships with sensuality in our own way. None of us planned to be resistant or uncomfortable. Accept where you are and consider the possibility of being able to change it slowly. 

Now, answer the following questions in your journal: 

  • What was your first experience of sensuality? This is not the same as sexuality.
  • When did you feel your senses present and detecting things around you?  
  • What did you desire before society told you to do something else?
  • How did people in your environment respond to your desires from your five senses?

Take some time with these questions. Really examine your relationship to your own pleasure using the journal prompts above.

Once you have spent some time writing try these three steps this week to increase your sensations of sensuality:

  • Eat a meal slowly and intentionally. Notice the sensations of eating. Notice the ways different textures feel in your mouth.
  • Give yourself a hand massage. Focus first on what it feels like to receive the touch from your one hand and then focus on what your hand feels like to actually do the massage. Keep shifting back and forth between these two perspectives of touch.
  • Remember those Coca Cola and Pepsi taste tests? Try this with smell. Choose three smells this week and take a whiff. Ask yourself which you like and why. 

With these exercises, you will be honing in on your sensuality and learning how to tune in to your desires. We need to know our desires to create the best living, loving, and working situations. Enjoy this adventure and let me know in the comments what you learned about yourself this week. 

I can’t wait to hear.