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I heard the song, “When You Love Someone” by James Taylor-Watts, Nolan Sipe, and Sam Hollander on the radio today, and found it moving and accurate. It reflected some of the thoughts I experienced during my divorce. I thought to myself that divorce is so common now that songwriters and singers have taken up the topic. Listening to the wisdom in these lyrics, the truth of the words hit me hard. Eight wise expressions about divorce are in the lyrics below.
When You Love Someone
Come home early after class
Don't be hanging 'round the back of the schoolyard
I've been called up by a teacher
She says she can't even reach you 'cause you're so far
You've been talking with your fist
We didn't raise you up like this, now did we
1. Kids suffer when their parents divorce, especially when there is conflict. When children are angry, hurt, or confused, they sometimes act out in school. The behavior may be an expression of frustration or an unconscious effort to bring their parents back together.
There have been changes in this house
Things that you don't know about in this family
It don't make sense, but nevertheless
You gotta believe us, it's all for the best
It don't make sense
The way things go
Son you should know
2. Parents can talk to their children about the changes in the home and agree that sometimes it just doesn’t seem to make sense. Parents can help children trust them to make the right decisions for the family. It is also important to talk to children about what will not change, as the dad in the song explains.
Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love
Sometimes two homes are better than one
Some things you can't tell your sister 'cause she's still too young
Yeah you'll understand
When you love someone
There ain't no one here to blame
3. Children understand divorce differently at different ages. While one child might be acting out, another might be too young to understand. While keeping secrets from children might seem wrong, there are some things kids don’t need to know. For example, a parent’s affair should be a private matter. Blaming a parent hurts children. This dad wisely says there is no one to blame. He is giving his child permission to love both parents.
Nothing's going to change with your old friends
Your room will stay the same
'Cause you'll only be away on the weekends
4. And, this father says, sometimes it is better for the family to be in two houses. This is especially true when there has been frequent conflict. This song references a timeshare in which the children are with one parent during the week, and the other on the weekends. Although parents share time with their children in different ways, it does help children to know what their schedule will be.
It don't make sense but nevertheless
You gotta believe us, it's all for the best
It don't make sense
It don't add up
We'll always love you no matter what
5. Normalizing divorce (though it may not be “normal” for your family) is important. The singer says sometimes parents simply fall out of love, despite their best intentions. It is a sad reality that even when both parents want the marriage to succeed, sometimes it just doesn’t. But they never stop loving their children and they continue to reassure their children about this important fact.
Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love
Sometimes two homes are better than one
Some things you can't tell your sister 'cause she's still too young
Yeah you'll understand
When you love someone
When you love someone
6. Again, children understand divorce differently at different ages. This dad wisely and simply says that there is no one to blame, thus giving his child permission to continue to love both parents.
Come home early after class
Don't be hanging 'round the back of the schoolyard
And if we're crying on the couch
Don't let it freak you out
This has been so hard
7. Parents have strong feelings, too, and divorce is hard, but it helps for kids to know that a parents’ tears are okay,
Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love
Sometimes the best intentions just ain't enough
Some things you can't tell your sister 'cause she's still too young
Yeah you'll understand
When you love someone
8. A truism frequently stated by parents is, “Someday you will understand.” This is certainly true in divorce. Children don’t understand adult relationships. They sometimes think they do, and they want to be confidantes or to take care of a parent who seems vulnerable. It is important to reassure children that while the divorce doesn’t seem to make sense now, perhaps in the future they will have an understanding of why it happened.
© Ann Buscho, Ph.D. 2019
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: James Taylor-Watts / Nolan Sipe / Sam Hollander
When You Love Someone lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group
