Why People "Kittenfish" and How to Avoid It

Surprise. Not everyone is who they seem on dating apps.

Source: Photo by Tranmautritam from Pexels

"Kittenfishing" may sound adorable but it's not exactly the cat's meow when it comes to online dating. Kittenfishing is the baby form of catfishing. It's not as egregious as catfishing, the practice of creating a completely fake identity online to fool or con others. But kittenfishing is not that innocent either.

Coined by the dating app Hinge, kittenfishing involves embellishing or misrepresenting yourself online in an effort to make yourself look more desirable and attract whom you want. And dating apps are littered with kittenfishing attempts.

If you doubt how common kittenfishing is, just look at all the dating profiles out there and compare them to what you have seen in real life. Have you been on dates with model after model after model? Have you been overwhelmed by how humble people are on the dating apps? Do you go into dates thinking, "I am sure this person will be much more impressive in real life because that's always been the case?" Or do you often find yourself thinking during dates, "Umm, this is not what I was expecting"? Well, then maybe a lot of the dating profiles out there are a little too purr-fect.

If the cat's still got your tongue about whether there's a lot of kittenfishing going around, maybe you are one of the many people kittenfishing out there. Do you use photos on dating profiles that don't really look like you in real life? Do you fabricate things about yourself like your job, interests, accomplishments, personality, or physical characteristics? Do you say that you don't like drama when you darn well know that you create drama at every relationship turn? If any of these are the case, then you are kittenfishing.

Kittenfishing may sound harmless. The word "kitten" usually doesn't evoke negative impressions. When you are adjusting your profile, you may think, "What's the harm in adding or reducing a few things here and there?" Ah, but this is a slippery slope, a very slippery one. One embellishment here and there can make it easier to make even more embellishments. At some point, your profile can start looking very different from who you really are.

The trouble is that such embellishment defeats one big purpose of dating: to find the right match for you. If other people think they would be a good match with your dating profile and that profile doesn't actually match you, then you may be selecting for people who won't end up matching you.

Now you may use the "fake it until you make it" argument and claim that the others will learn to like the real you over time. You may believe that you can come clean once the person is hooked on you. This is kind of the argument for false advertising. It may work. But how many times do you get fooled by advertising and marketing and say, "Boy, I am glad that happened. I love it when people fool me?" Kittnefishing is not exactly the best gateway to a trusting relationship.

If you do feel the need to kittenfish, ask yourself why. Are any of the following going on with you:

• Do you feel that the real you is not attractive enough? Then, the real solution might be to either improve your self-image and mindset or improve yourself.
• Are you aiming for someone who does not want you? Why? Do you really want to be with such a person?
• Do you feel the need to impress others? Dating is about finding the right match, which is a two-sided thing. It isn't about trying to get others to "buy" you. You aren't a pair of skinny jeans.
• Are you trying to outcompete others? Dating should not be a competition. If you want to beat other people, play Parchese instead.

On the flip side, if you find yourself the victim of kittenfishing, don't get too down. It happens to the best of people. Maybe it's time to change how you are screening potential dates. For example:

• Treat everything you see on a dating app as you would advertising. You wouldn't trust a product or service until you've seen it yourself, would you?
• Be skeptical of things that seem too perfect and manicured. Nothing is perfect, except for maybe avocado toast.
• Don't focus too much on superficial things. It's easier to augment or fake superficial things like appearance.
• Assume that claims are just claims until they are verified. Ask to see that Nobel Prize.
• Beware of attention-seekers. Once you are with them, guess where the attention is going to fall.

Taking some precautions won't make you completely immune to kittenfishing. But it could reduce the amount of time that you end up wasting. In other words, it could prevent this from being another year of the cat. Or kitten.

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