Escaping the Comparison Trap

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As social animals, we humans are hard-wired to learn, thrive, and grow through our relationships — our engagement with and observations of others. Early in life, we rely on teachers and role models for guidance and support. Through engagement in formal and informal settings, in school, games, and other pursuits in our young lives, comparison begins to seep into our daily lives.

We compare virtually every aspect of our young lives, including our grades, appearance, athletic performance, and popularity, and judge our abilities and attributes in relation to our peers. As our lives expand and we begin to make our way in the world, we seek mentors and role models who align with our values and goals.

Throughout our lives, we continue to scrutinize and judge ourselves. We compare our progress, performance, appearance, relationships, and social and economic status to our peers, our role models, and, thanks to social media, to millions of highly curated lives around the world.

Soaring social media engagement

When it comes to comparison traps, there’s nothing that compares to our engagement with social media. Today, as social media engagement is at an all-time high, with an estimated 5.41 billion (65.7 percent of the world’s population) engaged in social media as of July 2025, and the average social media user spending close to two and a half hours a day on social media platforms, our capacity for comparison has expanded to include virtually the whole world.

Social comparison theory, self-esteem, and mental health

Social comparison theory, originated with Leon Festinger, acknowledges comparison as a means by which individuals evaluate their progress, set goals, and course correct.

Self-esteem essentially refers to our relationship with ourselves, our sense of confidence in our capabilities, attributes, and our ability to handle life’s challenges and obstacles. High self-esteem is positively correlated with strong social connections, academic achievement, and overall well-being. A 2022 meta-analysis of longitudinal research on the impact of self-esteem on mental health identified wide-ranging positive impacts of high self-esteem in several areas of life, including “better social relationships, more success at school and work, better mental and physical health, and less antisocial behavior.”

The ups and downs of social comparison

On the plus side, social comparison can motivate us. It can assist us in goal setting, provide us with a realistic sense of where we are in relation to our goals, help us identify our vulnerabilities and aspects of our lives that require our attention, and inspire us to work toward our goals. As well, when we compare ourselves to those who are less successful, accomplished, or attractive than ourselves — known as downward comparison — research shows that we can experience an increase in self-esteem, and support personal growth during times of adversity.

On the downside, social comparison can lead to feelings of low self-worth. An August 2025 study examining the social media comparison on social networking sites found that self-comparison to those who are more successful — referred to as upward comparison — is associated with lowered self-esteem and depressive symptoms, and concluded that: “raising public awareness about the risks of excessive upward comparisons—particularly extreme ones—and promoting healthier and more intentional social media use is essential.”

In a 2022 interview, Harvard professor and eating disorders expert S. Bryn Austin stated that “social media platforms—especially image-based platforms like Instagram—have very harmful effects on teen mental health, especially for teens struggling with body image, anxiety, depression, and eating disorders.” She explained that algorithms can lead “ vulnerable teens into a dangerous spiral of negative social comparison.”

A 2024 study on the impact of social comparison on self-esteem and body image on Instagram users supports these concerns, concluding that “…body-esteem scores significantly decreased after upward comparison.” (This study also identified Instagram users as experiencing an increase in body-esteem in the aftermath of downward comparison.)

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Finding a balance

As human beings, we are always changing, learning, and growing. While it is natural to compare and judge ourselves in relation to others, it is crucial to adopt a healthy and compassionate approach to self-comparison that fosters motivation, confidence, and growth.

7 Steps to a self-compassionate approach to self-comparison

Build awareness around your tendencies to compare yourself to others and how your social media engagement contributes to feelings of low self-worth and increased self-scrutiny.

• Acknowledge areas of your life where you would authentically like to make improvements.

• Challenge the negative thoughts and self-limiting beliefs about what you can achieve and what you deserve.

• Realize that much of what you see on social media is idealized, inauthentic, and highly curated, and does not show the challenges and struggles we face.

• Take steps to connect to resources, experts, and activities that can help you reach your goals.

• Create realistic boundaries around the time you spend engaging, comparing, and self-scrutinizing on social media and in real life.

• Use social comparison to motivate you to learn and grow. Get inspired to engage in healthy routines and activities that support your goals, connections, and growth.

• Seek the help of a mental health professional if you are struggling with feelings of low self-worth and hopelessness. A mental health professional can provide valuable skills, tools, and strategies to assist you in moving forward with positivity.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.