Grounding Yourself Through a Moment of Wonder

Source: Pexels, Nigrit Nogor

Feeling unfocused, easily distracted, and mad at yourself for wasting time aimlessly scrolling? You’ve been on your phone getting sidetracked instead of focusing on getting things done—even things you would rather be doing. You fear you have lost control of your day, and spiral into anxiety because of your lack of focus. But you cannot stop scrolling, or opening more tabs on your laptop, or getting caught up on a gossipy thread on social media.

Aggravating your battle with distractions, there is breaking news—always breaking-- and always unsettling. These are testy, uncertain times as the US shifts into a new administration. It seems everyone is on edge and this edginess collectively affects us.

Like most people I know, I fall into unhealthy scrolling habits when I’m anxious or mentally exhausted, just trying to get a break from my own “bad head.” It’s ironic that the more I feel overwhelmed by my lack of focus, the more my attention turns to more distractions to escape my nagging thoughts. Social media takes hold as I start overthinking about how much I overthink, and like a cat chasing its tail, I’m dizzy and frazzled.

I know when I need to sit still and take a deep breath. A little two-minute breathing exercise comes in handy. Scatterbrained, short-fused, on too many tracks, most of us worry about our disappearing attention span. We might know ways to get our attention back on track, but we worry about the precious time we will never get back.

In his book Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention—and How to Think Deeply Again, Johann Hari writes with alarm and compassion that our lives are too toxically distracted with screens, scrolling, and social media. He calls for us to protect our attention—to be mindful of what we give our attention to, and to take care of our attention by protecting it from habits that destroy our ability to focus. “And there are certain things you need to protect your attention from, because they will sicken or stunt it: too much speed, too much switching, too many stimuli, intrusive technology designed to hack and hook you, stress, exhaustion, processed food pumped with dyes that amp you up, polluted air.”

He describes agonizingly well how battered our minds feel when our attention is robbed. How can we protect our attention? How can we resist the toxic distractions and algorithms that take us to noisy, unlivable headspaces?

There are many ways to resist these distractions and protect our headspace. I can make one simple (so simple it seems too simple) suggestion to help us restore our focus and ground ourselves back in our bodies. We can give ourselves a break by turning to our sense of wonder—even a few minutes of being wondrous can take the edge off of rampant anxiety.

We could just call this practice the act of giving ourselves a wonder break. There are simple wonder breaks we can offer ourselves for a few minutes on days when our minds are pulling us in all directions. We can do these wonder-inducing actions where we live (or possibly where we work), even indoors in the wintertime.

First (and this likely comes as no surprise), we need to step away from our screens and phones and find a quiet spot, and then take a few good, slow breaths.

Then, find a place, by a window, or on a balcony, where you can look up to the sky or out across a wide expanse, or horizon. (It is now January in Boston, so sitting by a window with a cup of hot tea is just fine with me.)

Gazing at the Sky or a Wide Horizon

There is a wonder-enhancing practice called horizon gazing or sky gazing. We can sit by the window and gaze at the sky, over the treetops, or over the rooftops. Or, we can try stargazing or moon gazing at night. If we are fortunate, we can gaze at a wide river, bay, or ocean where water meets the sky. The key benefit of looking out over a wide horizon (rather than cluttered spaces) is that this expanse elicits a sense of vastness and awe. Our minds perceive openness, and this allows for a sense of calmness to settle our minds and bodies.

Our overloaded minds appreciate the wide, clear, uncluttered, unlimited feeling of open spaces. The sky is often the most available open space for us, if we can look up and allow our senses to take in the beauty of the sky, in its infinite, changing, wondrous ways. A sunset, a sunrise, a patch of clouds, a prism or rainbow, a glorious blueness, or a misty, white horizon—the sky always is there above us to wonder about. (I live in a bustling Boston neighborhood, but I can look up at the sky, even on a wintry, overcast day, and see beyond the rooftops and treetops.)

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One key ingredient to experiencing the benefits of wonder is to give yourself the perception of vastness. Vastness is essential for eliciting a sense of awe and wonder. Studies show how vastness affects us, and research describes what constitutes an experience of awe (The Awe Experience Scale).

In a neuroscientific nutshell, here is what the brain is doing when we savor a moment of awe by gazing at the wide, open sky, even if we live in a city, or similarly, by gazing out over a wide expanse of water, such as an ocean, a bay, or a lake.

• The prefrontal cortex and anterior cingulate cortex are activated. This means your executive function is activated and gives you the ability to focus and regulate our emotions. You can focus.
• The brain releases dopamine. This neurotransmitter is associated with pleasure and reward, as well as balanced movement and coordination. You feel better.
• The vagal tone is increased. This reduces stress and anxiety, including the allostatic load (the stress in the body that you accrue over time). The vagus nerve also regulates the release of proinflammatory cytokines that affect inflammation. Inflammation is lowered in the body. You feel calmer and grounded.
• The default mode network (DMN) of your brain is deactivated. This switches us out of our self-referential or self-centered thinking to pay attention to what is outside of ourselves (including noticing other people and greater surroundings). Your mind switches out of negative self-chatter and nagging thoughts. (At least, you get a little break, or a pause.)
• Oxytocin is increased. Instead of the fight-or-flight response, we switch to the “tend-and-friend response” (a term coined by psychologist Shelley Taylor). This is your ability to feel connected to something greater than yourself or a greater sense of belonging to something more than yourself. Oxytocin activates a relational response to stress. You don’t feel alone—there is something greater beyond yourself—a whole wide world of possibilities for connection.

In short, gazing at the sky is utterly simple, but it does wonders for your mind.

Other ways to give yourself a wonder break, even on a busy day:

• Stop and notice the natural world around you. Watch birds or squirrels come and go, or other wildlife in your yard or in a tree nearby.
• Listen closely to a piece of music or song that elicits wonder.
• Listen to the words of a mantra, chant, prayer, or affirmation you say out loud.
• Read a poem that elicits wonder from a book. (For example, the poems of Mary Oliver, Wendell Berry, or Rumi)
• Journal about something wondrous that happened recently. (Such as a dream, or a synchronistic event, a sign, a symbol, a friend calling you when you were thinking of that person)
• Take a short walk: Even for a few minutes. Step outside.
• Play with your cat or dog.

All of these wondrous experiences are brief, actionable ways we can restore our ability to focus, ground ourselves, and live more peacefully in uncertain and transitional times. Admittedly, these suggestions are little quick fixes, but more essentially, these simple actions reinforce an attitude of living with wonder. More importantly, we need to preserve our awe and wonder in these cynical, distracting, and uncertain times. Indeed, holding on to our sense of wonder can be our way of resisting the forces of the world around us that threaten our ability to focus, so we can give our attention to what we truly care about and love.

Preserving our sense of wonder preserves the best in ourselves, despite a cynical and distracting world. As Rachel Carson has told us, “The more clearly we can focus our attention on the wonders and realities of the universe about us, the less taste we shall have for destruction.”