The 26 Keys to Thriving

You Don’t Need Permission to Thrive

By T. Alexander Puutio, Ph.D.

People underestimate their freedom to act, even when no one is stopping them. We internalize the presence of gatekeepers so thoroughly that we stop testing doors to open. The need for permission is nothing but an illusion, and it’s one we enforce ourselves. Our time on this planet is short. The rules of society may be useful, but they are not binding laws on your curiosity. Seeking permission is optional, while the path to flourishing is open, always.

You Are the Data

By Faisal Hoque

Algorithms increasingly shape our world and our choices, making predictions based on statistical likelihood, past behavior, and expectations about the continuation of trends. AI is the least help in moments of crisis, creative decision-making, and deeply personal choices. When it comes to decisions about you, you are the data the answers are going to turn on. Your internal states (emotions, physical signals) tell you things that data-driven reasoning can’t. Intuition isn’t mysticism: It’s an evolved form of pattern recognition. You can sharpen it by making small decisions and limiting yourself to 30 seconds for making low-stakes choices.

How to Get Beyond Being Stuck

By David Hellerstein, M.D.

Paradoxically, there’s power in indecision. If you haven’t decided, you haven’t lost. The agonizing experience of weighing two options that are both appealing and costly—what scientists call “approach-avoidance conflict”—is a hallmark of depression. What feels like a failure of willpower is actually a measurable physical event in the brain: The circuitry for weighing options is compromised. The system cannot generate enough neurological momentum. Chronic stress leaves the decision-making circuit prone to locking. Paradoxically, choosing not to decide—making that the deliberate plan—restarts the motivational engine. As Yogi Berra said, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

The Surprising Power of a Compliment

By Lindsey Godwin, Ph.D.

We consistently underestimate how good our compliments make others—and us—feel. Small acts of kindness not only spread happiness to givers and recipients but ripple out, shaping the wider culture, making the world slightly warmer. Although people hesitate for fear of intruding or being misunderstood, a compliment is, in fact, a small act of rebellion against the invisibility many people feel. It is the gift of attention. The formula is simple: Notice, appreciate, share; make it authentic, specific, concrete, quick, and respectful.

Eat Those Oats, Slow Your Aging

By Bill Sullivan, Ph.D.

The fountain of youth turns out to be where no one expected—down inside your gut. The gut microbiome may be the secret to aging well. The composition of the gut microbiome changes with age. The gut microbes of older people tend to be less diverse, with more bacteria that promote inflammation—except in supercentenarians and people who age well. Fiber nourishes the microbiome; gut bacteria process it into compounds, such as short-chain fatty acids, that promote better aging by improving metabolic, brain, and immune function while reducing chronic inflammation. You’re only as old as your gut microbes.

Wisdom, Explained

By William A. Haseltine, Ph.D.

Biological maturity is actually the ability to ignore. Wisdom is the ability to focus, to see the world with clarity and precision. We learn to tune out the background noise of life so that we can attend to the few things that truly deserve our attention. Our senses are constantly bombarded with information. It is the job of the brain’s thalamic reticular nucleus to decide which messages are urgent enough to be passed on to our conscious mind. New research reveals that the nucleus undergoes dramatic refinement well into adult life, simplifying its wiring—providing a new perspective on what it means to grow up.

Go Ahead, Indulge That Guilty Pleasure

By Eric Solomon, Ph.D.

Most of us have one, although we typically hide it. It’s not really guilt we feel, but closer to embarrassment. As we indulge, we simultaneously enjoy and judge ourselves because we are voluntarily engaging in an activity that violates our identity. That tension—enjoying something while being unable to justify it—is actually a sign of psychological flexibility, that our identity isn’t overly rigid. And the guilt amplifies the pleasure. AI will never have a guilty pleasure, never have the ridiculous thrill of doing something completely pointless and loving every second of it. So protect it. The things that can’t be justified are often the things that hold us together.

Don’t Chase Mood, Build a Life

By Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D.

People who are struggling with depression and focus only on symptoms can become trapped in a kind of bad 5G commercial: Am I feeling better yet? Am I there yet? Therapeutic change can then turn into a wrestling match with feelings or thoughts. But when people monitor the processes that produce or ameliorate their suffering and vitality—emotional openness, awareness, cognitive defusion, self-kindness, values, committed action, avoidance, disconnection—something very different can happen. They are no longer just staring at distress. They are learning how their life works. Do not wait to feel good before doing what matters.

The Mundane Miracle of the Reboot

By David Hellerstein, M.D.

Habits are difficult to change, not because of lack willpower but because they’ve become embedded in our neural circuitry—grooves worn by repetition. Sleep deprivation, chronic stress, depression, and substance use all corrupt these circuits. Sometimes the most useful intervention is a systemic reboot: a period of rest, a change in environment, a behavioral pattern interrupted long enough for something new to take hold. There’s a reason exercise, sleep hygiene, and changing your daily routine can have measurable effects on mood: They interrupt circuits that have been running the same program on a loop.

When to Say Yes to Negative Thinking

By Margaret Smith, Ph.D.

It’s important to mentally rehearse "oh-sh*t" moments so that you can practice shifting your focus to what you can control if a self-critical narrative comes up. Imagery is your totally legal performance enhancer, and mental reps in which you have to shift your focus from the story your brain wants to tell to attending to what’s-here-now will enhance your skills.

Choose Your Path to a Good Life

By Sebastian Ocklenburg, Ph.D.

Is it money? Adventure? Comfort? Or sustainability? Each pursuit offers a path through life that can make you happy. It turns out that an exciting life, full of beautiful experiences, and a cozy life, devoid of stress but full of inner balance, bring as much satisfaction as a prosperous life, researchers find. A sustainable life, full of respect for nature and the environment, brings satisfaction, too, just not quite as much. The takeaway: Several life concepts can lead to a happy and satisfied life. The important thing is to realize one of them.

Make That Phone Call

By Joachim I. Krueger, Ph.D.

Like romantic love, friendship comes with a mystique: It seems to just happen, a gift of the gods. To think of friendship as something that requires work to be found, cultivated, and maintained spoils the enigma. Cultivating reciprocity is the key to healthy friendship. If all goes well, friends find an equilibrium of reaching out and responding that feels organic and unmonitored. But if this feeling has disappeared, resolve to make the first move. Make the call. Send the text. Mail the letter. The strategy in friendship is to not be strategic. The irony!

Forget Your Passions, Follow Your Abilities

By Jeff DeGraff, Ph.D.

What are you designed to do? Purpose comes from design, not desire. It’s where your gifts and skills align with a context that values your strengths. The modern imagination is obsessed with wanting, but wanting is mercurial. It’s appetite dressed up as purpose. The configuration of gifts, temperament, and circumstances is what shapes the current of your life. You don’t choose your gifts; you discover them through the apprenticeship of living. The surest way to see your design is to notice what you do when everything goes wrong. Your natural mode of problem-solving is a clue to your design. Work with the grain of your nature, not against it.

Seeking Success? Humility Trumps Narcissism

By Joel Wong, Ph.D.

Many people see humility as a virtue—just not one that fuels success. But humility is not low self-esteem or the same as modesty. It is a lack of self-importance, which allows people to see themselves accurately, recognize their limitations, seek help where they’re lacking, be open to learning and growth, and attend to the needs of others. Humble people aren’t doormats; they recognize they don’t reside at the center of the universe. Research shows that humble leaders produce better organizational outcomes. Willing to seek help and feedback, they become highly effective. Here’s one of many ways to practice humility: If you’re used to helping others, try asking for help instead.

Let’s Hear It for Late Blooming!

By T. Alexander Puutio, Ph.D.

Early success, scientists report, is just that: Those who succeed while young rarely are world-class performers as adults—whether athletes or artists, cellists or scientists. In fact, those who eventually reach the highest level often performed worse than their peers when young. From childhood onward, we are coached into coherence. A résumé that looks like a quilt rather than a ladder is treated with suspicion. Exceptional adult performers look unremarkable early on because they’re engaging in more multidisciplinary practice, still exploring to find their best fit. The takeaway is clear: Give yourself permission to be more ranging. And let’s stop asking kids who they are before they’ve had a chance to find out.

Measure Your Success in Mondays

By Ira Bedzow, Ph.D.

We chase success but overlook how we actually spend our days. We often choose the path that looks most successful from the outside rather than one we can get excited about actually living day to day. Even if we mark our life journey with milestones and trophies that can be measured and displayed, most of our time traveling will be in the everyday steps we take along our way. Social media show the trophies, not the weekday mornings that make up a life. Pay attention to the details; your everyday life isn’t a means to a few momentary milestones. Life is embraced through the ordinary days we spend living it.

Listening More Gets You More

By Christopher Willard, Psy.D.

Whether talking to toddlers or terrorists, colleagues or spouses, effective discussion starts with effective listening. The most influential people in any room are, first and foremost, exceptional listeners. When someone feels genuinely listened to, their nervous system shifts. Their amygdala, the brain’s alarm system, dials down. The prefrontal cortex comes online. The person becomes more articulate, more creative, more open to solutions. Before your next important conversation, ask yourself: What do I genuinely not know about this person’s experience right now? Let that question be your entry point, instead of your agenda.

Unleash Your Many Selves

By Elizabeth Mateer, Ph.D.

We humans naturally have multiple versions of ourselves that emerge across different roles and contexts, although we often feel pressure—especially in professional settings—to keep them separate. But life doesn’t unfold in neat categories. And research shows that the ability to adapt behavior across roles makes people both more resilient and more creative. It lowers the risk of distress in stressful circumstances. Further, when your sense of self isn’t concentrated in just one role, a setback in one domain does not threaten the whole self. In addition, creativity arises from the ability to draw connections between unrelated fields. Identity is layered and always evolving. The different parts of who you are are resources to draw on.

Gain the Pride of Trying

By Alice Boyes, Ph.D.

If you’re naturally cautious and yearn for a bit more daring, start with sensible calculated risks. Look for risks in which the downside is no payoff rather than harm or loss. For example, asking a question. If the answer isn’t productive, you might waste a few minutes, but you could gain something important. Even if you get ignored or denied, that might not sting as much as you anticipate. When I try something small and it doesn’t work, I’m often quite proud of myself for trying.

Don’t Seize Opportunity, Create It

By Thomas S. Bateman, D.B.A.

When we’ve missed a crucial window to prevent a problem or grab an opportunity, we regret that we weren’t more proactive. Full-fledged proactivity is the unique class of forward-looking behavior that creates the future we need and want. Taking initiative, the effort to make self-chosen change, is the first visible sign, but it begins much earlier, in thinking about where current paths are leading and identifying a better future that could result from making productive changes. In these times of uncertainty, it’s easy to feel that we are losing control of work and life. Becoming more proactive helps to restore some control.

When Your Identity Needs an Upgrade

By Anna Katharina Schaffner, Ph.D.

We are storytelling animals, constantly spinning a narrative of our existence. The stories we tell ourselves about ourselves can be helpful—or not. Self-narratives that we are different, defective, or doomed to fail shape our experience. It’s possible to change our self-stories. Asking yourself three questions can help you develop a more empowering way of making sense of yourself:

• What evidence am I repeatedly highlighting—and what am I ignoring?
• Which version of this story makes me more capable, compassionate, alive?
• What would a fairer, fuller, interpretation look like?

Life Is Fast. Love Is Slow

By Kathryn Ford, M.D.

The most important thing you can do for your relationship is to slow down—whether talking, making love, or making dinner, slow down your life in general. We have increased the pressure on ourselves to do more, faster. But that pace induces physiologic changes—extra cortisol and adrenaline. Our amygdala fires up; we become reactive and defensive. For the things we want—to know and be known, to care and receive caring, to have the shared experiences that knit us into couples and communities—we need to attend to our feelings and to notice the experiences of others. We need enough ease to welcome their requests rather than resent one more demand that life is making. Research shows that our brains are more active during the pauses in sounds. Pausing allows our brain to consider what is going on. The white space is what makes poetry—on the page and in our lives.

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