I know this article is 5 years old so I'm just shouting into the void, but I'm doing it anyway.

For a long time, I've been able to maintain an optimistically realistic outlook on life. In particular, that at some point I would have a fulfilling relationship with someone I can trust.

That optimism is now destroyed. *All* of my long term relationships have broken down and my partners have cheated and lied. Every single one. I no longer have the capability to trust, and without trust there is no possibility of any kind of fulfilling relationship.

There is no way to fix this by mental discipline alone. What I have before me is a large and undismissable pile of evidence which allows no rational conclusion other than this:

Something about me, that I don't understand, will lead to my partner betraying me instead of being honest and ending the relationship with integrity when it has run its course.

I don't know how to lie to myself well enough to overlook this fact. For all my faults (and I do recognise MANY of my personal faults) I have never betrayed a partner. I am capable of many mistakes, but I would never do this to someone else.

How does one deceive oneself in the face of overwhelming objective evidence? My emotions are now nothing but baggage that I would never willingly bring into a relationship because that would be so unfair towards someone I love. How the hell is one supposed to function like this?

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