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Key points
- Self-destructive behaviors are the greatest generator of your unhappiness.
- Targeting your self-destructive behaviors is good, replacing them with healthier habits is even better.
- Shortcuts to a happier life include identifying sustainable activities that bring lasting happiness.
If you’re reading this article, you’re probably facing an unhappy situation. Maybe you're confronting a personal crisis, such as heartbreak or loss. Maybe you feel stuck in a job or relationship that seems to be going nowhere. Or maybe you’ve got a bad case of the blues.
Don’t sweat it. Everyone experiences ups and downs; obstacles and hardships are a part of life. No matter how happy someone appears on social media, don’t be fooled: everyone experiences difficulties eventually. Ultimately, how you face hardships determines whether they defeat or propel you forward.
When faced with your current unhappy situation, you may wonder: Are there shortcuts to a happier life? (See my new book "Shortcuts To A Happier Life: Essays on Life, Love & Parenting")
Habits that breed unhappiness
The painful truth is that sometimes, like many people, you may be the most significant generator of your unhappiness. You engage in self-destructive behaviors that undermine lasting happiness. Sure, you may know these behaviors are bad for you, but too often, that’s not enough to stop you.
Caught in a battle with your impulses, you're engaged in a wrestling match with your desires. This battle often comes down to quick-fix relief vs. long-term solutions.
The tricky thing about quick-fix relief is simple—it works in the short term. Drugs and alcohol, high-calorie foods, credit card abuse, hypersexuality, compulsive shopping—such activities give you a refreshing burst of feel-good chemicals, such as dopamine or endorphins. However, an overreliance on them sabotages sustainable happiness and breeds addictive behaviors.
Ironically, as feel-good chemicals run out and short-term happiness expires, stress hormones are triggered, causing you to return to self-destructive behaviors for relief again. And so the cycle continues.
Shortcuts to a Happier Life
Targeting your self-destructive behaviors is a good idea, but replacing them with healthier habits is even better.
Start by identifying activities that bring you peace of mind and contribute to long-term happiness—activities that refresh and inspire you. Such activities are the building blocks of sustainable happiness and are more effective than simply illuminating bad habits.
Here are a few shortcuts to dig yourself out of your current unhappy situation:
- Identify a sustainable activity that brings you happiness: Long walks, hiking, book clubs, and creative hobbies are great ways to get started
- Reclaim an abandoned activity that brought you happiness: Sadly, as we age and our schedules become more demanding, we tend to abandon things that make us happy. Take that violin or guitar out of storage. Start journaling again. Reboot those happiness-producing activities.
- Come up with a schedule: Schedules and routines keep us focused and remind us to stay on task. Getting up regularly and designing times to work on your happiness will inspire you to keep going.
- Find a happiness buddy: One of the great benefits of friendship is that true friends hold each other accountable. Identify someone you can check in with. If friends are few, find a support group, a therapist, or a coach. Establishing long-term happiness is a mighty battle; you need troops.
- Accept problems and setbacks as part of the process: The sun doesn’t shine every day. There’s no reason to let a slip-up define you. Stay focused, turn to your support team, and redetermine to start again tomorrow.
Don’t sell yourself short! Sustained effort pays off. A happier life is closer than you think.
To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
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