Am I Naïve?

First, let’s look at what we mean by naïveté. An easy way to understand the concept is to look at some synonyms for the word. Innocence, gullibility, inexperience—these are a few synonyms. So, you see, naïve can be applied to people who are not mature enough or experienced enough to make adult decisions. But the word may also indicate that we can be unable or unwilling to reflect on life in such a way as to see through the lies, tricks, inappropriate or unethical actions and words, manipulations, and emotional and verbal abuses of others.

Naïveté is, of course, the mindset of every child. They are inexperienced in life. But naïveté can also be a part of our interactions with others as adults without our even knowing it. One common example is when we just cannot allow ourselves to believe that a friend would ever lie, cheat, or steal—when all the while they are lying, cheating, or stealing. In this case, as in many others, we are not paying attention to our own inner signals that would inform us of what might be going on here.

Before we go any further, however, we must recognize that naïveté is not something to be ashamed of. In fact, many of us have been taught to remain naïve because that is considered to be the most righteous or good way to live. Consider all the memes out there that tell us to see only the good in people. These memes are basically telling us to avoid paying attention to our own inner signals and just try to rationalize a way to see only the good in people. In the most extreme cases, regardless of other signals coming from a person that inform us of danger to ourselves or others, we must tell ourselves not to think of those things and only allow ourselves to find the good in them. This way of thinking not only makes us unable to access our own internal guidance system but can actually put us in harm’s way.

Of course, none of this means that there are no loving, kind, giving people out there who can be trusted. There are many of these people. But we can even use our internal guidance system to determine that.

So, what do we mean by our internal guidance system? Our internal guidance system consists of three things: intuition, discernment, and body/mind connection. Let’s take a look at each of these.

Intuition

Intuition is not instinct. Instinct is a body/mind function. We will talk about that in a minute. Intuition, on the other hand, is a kind of knowing. We just know. We don’t know how we know, but we know. And this knowing is so frequently right that it is hard to doubt its veracity. Of course, we can get intuition mixed up with fear—which can mislead us. But intuition is that “gut feeling” that just knows what it knows without question. Of course, we can question it, ignore it, or doubt its significance. But pure intuition just knows what it knows.

It's important to look beneath appearances.

Source: Andrea Mathews

When we question, ignore, or doubt the significance of our intuition, we just discount it—which makes us naïve. We become gullible. We believe anything the other person wants to show us because we are no longer paying attention to our inner signaling. It is not uncommon at all for a person who has been abused, for example, to look back to the beginning of that relationship and remember that “I knew, I knew it. I knew what kind of person he was from the beginning. I just didn’t let myself know I knew.” Of course, this observation is not intended in any way to blame the victim of such abuse, but it does tell us that we can know things we don’t pay attention to.

Discernment

Discernment is different from intuition. Discernment is the ability to watch (really watch objectively) what another person is doing or saying and simultaneously feel one’s own feelings about what the other person is doing or saying. In this way, we are allowing ourselves to really see, and we are also allowing ourselves to feel what is real inside. We can make really good adult decisions out of discernment. Basically, discernment keeps us from lying to ourselves. Very often we may see what the other person is doing, but we don’t pay attention to how it feels. We may tell ourselves, “Oh, she was just kidding.” Or “He didn’t mean it.” Or “She’s just so pretty and nice, I can’t believe she would really do that.” Discernment means seeing and feeling, which creates knowing—and very often helps us know what to do next.

The body/mind connection

The body/mind connection is a bodily sensation that the mind notices. The hair rises on the back of our necks, and we notice it and consider what it might mean. Many times, the body reacts in ways we don’t allow ourselves to notice. Our stomach feels funny, and we just think we have a minor stomachache and ignore it. The hairs on our arms tickle and we just don’t pay attention. Our bodies are frequently talking to us, but since we have been taught to believe that the body is kind of like an inanimate object, we don’t treat it as though what it says matters in our decision-making processes. But if we allow the mind to assess what is going on with the body, then the connection between the two can be very informative.

Putting it all together

We do not have to be fooled, tricked, or otherwise conned into missing the signals another person is putting out. We have an internal guidance system that can guide us to make wise decisions to protect ourselves and others. This system can help us to decide whether or not to enter a relationship. It can help us decide where we want our boundaries. It can help us make decisions to leave a relationship. It can even help us know whom to trust. All we have to do is tune in and pay attention to it.