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Bridgerton is not only America’s favorite Netflix show; it may also be its sexiest. But don’t go dismissing the show as just a horny take on Jane Austen. In fact, Bridgerton may be the healthiest and most honest representation of female sexuality ever depicted in a popular TV show. Let’s explore why this is the case (Warning: Show spoilers ahead).
Sex Is Not Just Penetration
Here is what a typical heterosexual sex scene looks like in the media: The couple kisses, they undress, the man inserts his penis, a few thrusts, and they both scream out in orgasmic ecstasy. This isn’t just the image we get in the male-dominated world of pornography; it is also the script followed by nearly every movie and TV show.
The problem with this depiction is that it suggests it is normal for a woman to (1) orgasm as a result of vaginal penetration and (2) orgasm at the exact same time as her male partner. Both of these assumptions are flat-out wrong.
To learn why, answer this question: Men have a penis, and women have a _____.
If you answered “vagina,” you are wrong. The female clitoris, not the vagina, is a woman’s primary sex organ. In fact, the clitoris is made of the exact same material that forms the male penis (and it has twice as many pleasurable nerve endings as the penis).
According to the excellent book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, research indicates that 70 percent of women do not orgasm during penetration (70 percent!) and can only reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Guys, can you imagine having sex without including your penis in the process? Well, now you know how women feel when their primary sex organ is left out of the game.
The writers of Bridgerton seem to know this fact quite well. Nearly every sex scene between the show’s main characters starts with Simon providing Daphne with some type of non-penetration pleasure, either in the form of oral or manual stimulation. If sex is to be mutually pleasurable for men and women, it often needs to include clitoral stimulation in some form. We usually refer to such external stimulation as “foreplay,” as if it was just an appetizer to the main course of penetration. But such terminology downplays female pleasure and elevates male pleasure as the “goal.”
One reason why we rarely see clitoral stimulation scenes in the media may have to do with ratings. In general, the MPAA rates films with scenes of cunnilingus (female oral sex) as more explicit than films with scenes of fellatio (male oral sex). Movies that feature cunnilingus, like Gone Girl and Blue Valentine, often get ratings of R or NC-17. Similar movies that instead feature fellatio, like What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, receive a PG-13 rating.
This subtle distinction communicates a message that seeing a woman in pleasure is more sexually explicit than seeing a man in pleasure from the same act. Male sexuality is the norm; female sexuality is the extreme.
Female Masturbation Is a Must
We are two decades into the new millennium, and yet it is still rare for a show or movie to show female masturbation. A 2013 study found that 75 percent of masturbation scenes depicted in the media featured male masturbation. The problem with this lack of female representation is that it prevents both women and men from seeing a woman take full agency of her sexuality. So the fact that Bridgerton even included a female masturbation scene is rare.
Even better is that Bridgerton depicted Daphne engaging in masturbation in an effort to learn about her own body before engaging in her first act of intercourse. Sex experts agree that masturbation is the best way to teach people about their own genitals. Ideally, natural sexual development should involve masturbation years before engaging in intercourse.
Unfortunately, most women know very little about their genitals. A 2019 survey found a whopping 73 percent didn’t technically know what a vulva was and couldn’t identify it in a drawing. Can you imagine if 3 out of 4 men couldn’t identify their penis! (Quick anatomy lesson here: “Vulva” refers to a woman’s external genitals; “vagina” only refers to the reproductive canal. There, you now know more about female genitals than 73 percent of women.)
The more women become acquainted with their genitals, the better able they are to clearly and confidently communicate with their sex partners about what they like and don’t like. For far too long, women have been taught to feel embarrassed or ashamed by their own body (Side note: The term medieval anatomists used for female genitals was “pudendum,” a word derived from the Latin word pudere, which means “to make ashamed”). The more a woman understands her own body and what feels good, the better able she is to have a pleasurable experience with a partner.
Consent Can Be Sexy
During their first sexual consummation, Simon asks Daphne, “Do you want me to stop?” and when she doesn’t answer, he repeats the question. Only after she gives an affirmative does he continue.
People often complain that requiring explicit consent ruins the mood, but this scene definitely debunks that theory. (It is worth noting that not all sex scenes in Bridgerton are positive. In a scene after this one, Daphne violates the very consent Simon offered her.)
Take-Home Message
This doesn’t mean Bridgerton got everything right about sex. It is, after all, fiction. Sex is rarely as passionate, pleasurable, and pretty as the show depicts. But it certainly does break ground in its representation of female sexuality and masturbation. Hopefully, Hollywood’s writers and producers will take note of the show’s popularity and continue the trend of more accurate depictions of sex.
But entertainment isn’t the only solution. We as a society need more education than the minimal amount we received in our middle-school sex-ed course (or, even worse, our education-by-porn). By far, one of the best sources for such information is Nagoski’s best-selling book Come As You Are. The book serves as a useful how-to manual for the female mind and body. If you are a woman, you need to read this book. If you are a man who wants to become a better lover for your female partner, you need to read this book. If you are a parent raising a daughter, you need to read this book (no, I’m not getting paid by the publisher; I simply think this book is that groundbreakingly good).
