Understanding Trauma and Its Impact on Happiness

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Happiness is something many of us desire, yet it often feels elusive. We often chase it through external accomplishments, relationships, or material possessions, but the true key to happiness lies not in what we attain but in how we view ourselves and our past. Central to this self-view are two fundamental concepts: meaning and purpose. While these are often used interchangeably, they are not the same. Both are essential for happiness, but they operate in different ways.

Today, we’ll explore the critical role trauma plays in shaping both meaning and purpose in our lives. Whether we realize it or not, trauma, whether large or small, influences how we make sense of our past and guides us toward a fulfilling future.

The Role of Meaning in Happiness

Before we dive into trauma, it’s important to first clarify what meaning and purpose actually are. While purpose is action-based and forward-looking, meaning is rooted in our past and how we make sense of the experiences we’ve lived through.

Purpose is about the present and future—it’s about what we do today and how we move forward. It’s the actions we take to light us up and pursue the things that bring us joy. In essence, purpose is our guiding force, helping us take action and stay focused on what excites us.

Meaning, on the other hand, is about how we interpret our past, especially the difficult and traumatic moments we’ve lived through. It’s the story we tell ourselves about those experiences. The way we process trauma determines whether we feel empowered by it or if we let it hold us back. Happy people often tell themselves a “hero story”—a narrative in which they faced their struggles and came out stronger. These individuals are able to look at their past traumas, process them, and realize that they overcame those challenges. They view themselves as resilient, which helps them move into their purpose-driven future.

In contrast, those who are unhappy often tell themselves a "victim story." They view their trauma as something that defines them, something that has thwarted them, leaving them feeling stuck and incapable of achieving their goals. These individuals may not feel "enough" in the present or future because they remain tethered to the wounds of their past.

Trauma: More Than What Meets the Eye

Trauma plays a crucial role in the meaning-making process. But what exactly is trauma, and how do we experience it? Trauma doesn’t look the same for everyone, and it’s important to understand that trauma isn’t always about huge, life-altering events like war or abuse. Trauma can take many forms, and it affects each of us differently.

Trauma can be classified into two major types: generational trauma and lived trauma. Within lived trauma, there are two further categories: little t trauma and big T trauma. These distinctions help us understand the varying levels of trauma and its effects on our lives.

Generational Trauma

Generational trauma is passed down from one generation to the next, often manifesting in subtle ways. This type of trauma may be inherited through learned behaviors, fears, or coping mechanisms that are passed down from our ancestors, even though we may not have directly experienced the events that caused the trauma.

For example, my maternal grandmother grew up as an orphan during the 1918 flu pandemic. Her mother died, and she was placed in an orphanage, where she spent much of her childhood. Later, during the Great Depression, my grandmother faced a constant scarcity of food and money. As an adult, she developed certain survival mechanisms—like hoarding food and money—as a result of these early hardships.

This behavior was passed down to my mother, who also became fearful of not having enough. And, even though I never experienced the same events, I, too, struggle with anxiety around money and scarcity. This is generational trauma at play—something I didn’t directly experience but that still deeply affects my behavior and mindset.

Lived Trauma

Lived trauma, as the name suggests, is trauma that we experience firsthand. This can include both little t trauma and big T trauma, and while they may differ in intensity, both types of trauma are significant and impactful in their own right.

• Little t trauma refers to the smaller, everyday experiences that may not be immediately life-threatening but still leave an emotional scar. Examples might include being bullied at school, experiencing social rejection, or feeling misunderstood by peers. While these experiences might not be catastrophic, they can still shape our beliefs about ourselves and the world. For instance, someone who was teased or ostracized as a child might grow up feeling inadequate or constantly striving to prove their worth.
• Big T trauma involves major life events that shake our sense of safety and security. This could be the loss of a parent, surviving a natural disaster, experiencing abuse, or living through a violent crime. Big T traumas are those that fundamentally change us and often require years of processing to heal. For instance, I lost my father when I was just 7 years old—a devastating event that left a lasting impact on my life.

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The Equivalence of Trauma

Now, it’s important to emphasize something crucial: big T trauma and little t trauma are not comparable in terms of how they impact us emotionally. While big T trauma might seem more severe, both types of trauma are equally valid and painful. The emotional experience of trauma is subjective, and what might seem like a small event to one person can feel just as overwhelming as a major trauma to someone else.

This is because trauma is not about the event itself—it’s about the emotional impact of the event and how we interpret it. A person who has experienced bullying, for instance, may struggle with feelings of worthlessness, while someone who has lost a parent might feel a profound sense of grief. Each person processes their trauma differently, and for each individual, their trauma feels just as significant as anyone else's. There is no hierarchy of pain when it comes to emotional wounds.

How Trauma Shapes Meaning and Happiness

So, how do we make sense of our trauma, and how does it contribute to our sense of meaning?

The key lies in how we process the trauma we’ve experienced. Trauma, whether big or small, can either empower us or hold us back, depending on the story we tell ourselves about it. If we view our past trauma through the lens of victimhood, we may struggle to move forward. But if we can reframe our trauma as something we survived—something that made us stronger—we begin to tell ourselves a "hero story."

A hero story is one where we see ourselves as resilient. Yes, we’ve been through hard times, but we overcame them. We didn’t let them define us. This empowering narrative allows us to make peace with our past and step into the future with a sense of purpose.

When we learn to tell a better story about our trauma, we can embrace a future driven by action—purpose. By understanding our past and reinterpreting it in a way that serves us, we can move forward with the confidence to pursue our dreams.

Conclusion: Healing Through Meaning

Happiness is built on both meaning and purpose. Meaning allows us to make sense of our trauma, and purpose propels us to take action and live a life we love. Whether we’ve experienced big T trauma, little t trauma, or generational trauma, it’s essential to process it in a way that empowers us. The key to happiness isn’t in erasing the past—it’s in reimagining it. When we understand our trauma, find meaning in it, and tell a better story about it, we unlock the potential to live a fulfilled and joyful life.