The Polyamorists Next Door

Sex

The Underrated Value of Your Post-Sex Talk

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on December 30, 2025

Attention makes a partner more likely to want to do it again.

Attention makes a partner more likely to want to do it again.

BDSM

Distinguishing Between BDSM and Intimate Partner Violence

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on October 15, 2025

Is that slap in the face a kinky fun interaction or abusive? This post outlines the differences between intimate partner violence and BDSM, or kinky sex.

Is that slap in the face a kinky fun interaction or abusive? This post outlines the differences between intimate partner violence and BDSM, or kinky sex.

Sex

Rejecting Sexual Shame from Purity Culture

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on July 24, 2025

As purity culture became a major cultural force, some individuals were profoundly damaged by its mandates. As former adherents leave, they report fresh life explorations.

As purity culture became a major cultural force, some individuals were profoundly damaged by its mandates. As former adherents leave, they report fresh life explorations.

BDSM

What Is the Difference Between Rough Sex and BDSM?

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on June 11, 2025

Rough sex is murkier than BDSM, which is often clearly defined and has an associated community with rules and expectations. Both share similar actions, impacts, and motivations.

Rough sex is murkier than BDSM, which is often clearly defined and has an associated community with rules and expectations. Both share similar actions, impacts, and motivations.

Marriage

The Legal Prosecution of Consensual Non-monogamy

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on May 8, 2025

Legal prosecution of consensually nonmonogamous relationships happens most often in cases of bigamy and adultery. CNM practitioners also face double standards in child custody.

Legal prosecution of consensually nonmonogamous relationships happens most often in cases of bigamy and adultery. CNM practitioners also face double standards in child custody.

BDSM

Online Age Play or Child Predation?

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on April 2, 2025

Distinguishing between role play and reality can be especially challenging online, but it's crucial for kinksters exploring age play.

Distinguishing between role play and reality can be especially challenging online, but it's crucial for kinksters exploring age play.

BDSM

Rising Interest in Consensual Non-Consent

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on February 7, 2025

Consensual NonConsent is a kinky sexual practice that is becoming more popular, even though it can be dangerous and must be done quite carefully.

Consensual NonConsent is a kinky sexual practice that is becoming more popular, even though it can be dangerous and must be done quite carefully.

Polyamory

The Polyamorous Perfect Storm

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on January 20, 2025

What to do in a polyamorous relationship when the going gets really tough for one partner, just as another meets an important new sweetie?

What to do in a polyamorous relationship when the going gets really tough for one partner, just as another meets an important new sweetie?

Gender

Femme Boys Undermining Toxic Masculinity

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on November 27, 2024

Toxic masculinity constrains men with rigid boundaries around what "real men" are allowed to do, wear, feel, and say. Femme boys are smashing these restraints with style.

Toxic masculinity constrains men with rigid boundaries around what "real men" are allowed to do, wear, feel, and say. Femme boys are smashing these restraints with style.

Sex

How to Deal with Sexual Regret

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on August 22, 2024

Sex can be fully consensual yet still leave someone feeling uncomfortable or regretful. These strategies can help them navigate these challenging feelings.

Sex can be fully consensual yet still leave someone feeling uncomfortable or regretful. These strategies can help them navigate these challenging feelings.

Gender

How to Talk to People When You Don’t Know Their Gender

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on July 26, 2024

How do you handle social situations where you can't tell someone's gender? Here's some vocabulary and tips for polite and compassionate communication.

How do you handle social situations where you can't tell someone's gender? Here's some vocabulary and tips for polite and compassionate communication.

Polyamory

Adult Children of Polyamorous Parents

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on June 7, 2024

This post explores the three most common reactions that adult children have to their parents who come out to them as polyamorous.

This post explores the three most common reactions that adult children have to their parents who come out to them as polyamorous.

Polyamory

When Your Parents Are Polyamorous

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on May 12, 2024

When parents tell kids they've decided to become consensually nonmonogamous, the kids will have questions. Children living in polyfamilies offer these 5 tips for navigating the change.

When parents tell kids they've decided to become consensually nonmonogamous, the kids will have questions. Children living in polyfamilies offer these 5 tips for navigating the change.

Body Positivity

Fat and Sexy: How Body Positivity Is Smashing Fat Phobia

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on February 5, 2024

Tips for clinicians who want to provide culturally competent care for fat clients.

Tips for clinicians who want to provide culturally competent care for fat clients.

BDSM

The Truth About Breath Play and Choking During Sex

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on December 29, 2023

What is the difference between choking or strangulation and breath play? A few answers: legality, execution, and risk.

What is the difference between choking or strangulation and breath play? A few answers: legality, execution, and risk.

Sex

How Women Are Transforming "Public" Sex

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on December 4, 2023

While public sex is nothing new, the ways in which women are taking charge of their own public sexual interactions are transforming the public sexual landscape.

While public sex is nothing new, the ways in which women are taking charge of their own public sexual interactions are transforming the public sexual landscape.

Polyamory

Queer Families Need Planning for Loved Ones’ Deaths

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on October 14, 2023

Dealing with death can be tricky, but even more so for queer families whose relationships might not be legally recognized. Planning makes a huge difference.

Dealing with death can be tricky, but even more so for queer families whose relationships might not be legally recognized. Planning makes a huge difference.

Sex

Sex Positivity as an Antidote to Shame

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on August 31, 2023

Sex positivity can help to counter the impacts of shame.

Sex positivity can help to counter the impacts of shame.

Relationships

What's the Hierarchy in Multiple-Partner Relationships?

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on July 20, 2023

Hierarchy is hard to escape completely in consensual nonmonogamous relationships, as it pops up even if partners say it's not there.

Hierarchy is hard to escape completely in consensual nonmonogamous relationships, as it pops up even if partners say it's not there.

Polyamory

Consensual NonMonogamies and Pride

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE on June 29, 2023

Some question if CNM qualifies as queer and should be included in Pride festivities, which could help with visibility, rights, and protection from discrimination.

Some question if CNM qualifies as queer and should be included in Pride festivities, which could help with visibility, rights, and protection from discrimination.