Why Other People Can Exhaust You

Do you ever leave a meeting, a conversation, or even a friendly catch-up feeling inexplicably drained? It’s tempting to chalk it up to being an introvert or simply having too much on your plate. But emotional depletion doesn’t always come from socialising or overworking, it often stems from how we relate to others and the subtle dynamics at play during those interactions.

This fatigue isn’t limited to extroverts or introverts, social butterflies or wallflowers. Many of us, especially those attuned to others’ emotions, highly conscientious, or stuck in people-pleasing patterns, find ourselves running on empty after a day of conversations, not because of what we did, but who we had to be while doing it.

Following are some hidden reasons why interactions, both personal and professional, can leave us feeling wiped out, and what we can do to restore a sense of vitality and ease.

1. Performing in Place of Relating. In many professional or social settings, we subtly shift into performance mode. We try to be competent, agreeable, presentable, and impressive. We listen and nod at the right times, keep our frustrations in check, and calibrate how we’re coming across, especially in high-stakes or hierarchical environments. While this might seem harmless or even necessary, it takes a toll. This mental effort, known in psychology as impression management, requires significant cognitive and emotional energy. According to research, the constant monitoring of how we present ourselves to others is associated with stress, decreased authenticity, and long-term emotional exhaustion (Bolino et al., 2008). It’s especially depleting when we feel like we can’t let our guard down or be fully ourselves. So while the conversation may seem casual on the surface, our inner world may be working overtime.
2. Boredom Isn’t Harmless: The Toll of Passive Engagement. Interestingly, it’s not just over-engagement that wears us down. Sometimes we’re exhausted because we’re under-engaged. This can happen in long meetings, repetitive conversations, or interactions that lack genuine connection. We might nod along, make small talk, or sit through another team update, yet internally feel flat, restless, or disconnected. This form of 'passive fatigue' has been studied in monotonous environments, where lack of stimulation decreases alertness and increases tiredness (Pattyn et al., 2008). Our brains crave a certain level of engagement and meaning. When we can’t find it, we start to check out, not just mentally, but physiologically too. You don’t have to be antisocial to be bored by people. You need the interaction to feel lifeless, repetitive, or misaligned with your values.
3. Absorbing Emotion Without Reciprocity. Then there are moments when we’re not performing, and we’re not bored—we’re burdened. You might be conversing with someone who talks at you, not with you. Or someone who shares their struggles over and over, without ever seeking change. Or someone who never pauses long enough to ask how you are.

These dynamics are more common than we admit. When we repeatedly engage in relationships where we are the emotional sponge, absorbing, fixing, listening, or smoothing things over, we end up depleted. The psychological concept of co-rumination describes a pattern where problems are discussed repetitively without resolution, often increasing stress and fatigue (Rose, 2002). And the broader emotional labor of holding space for others, without any attunement in return, can be deeply tiring.

This doesn’t make the other person "bad." But it’s worth noticing when your relationships are one-sided or chronically draining.

Recharging Through Resonance: What Helps.

We often think of recovery as retreat, quiet time, a night alone, a solo walk. While solitude can be powerful, many of us also need relational nourishment — being seen, heard, and understood in a way that feels safe and effortless. It’s not about avoiding people altogether, it’s about shifting the kind of interactions we prioritise.

Steps to Replenish Relational Energy

• Notice when you’re performing. Are you trying to get it 'right' in conversations? Are you managing how others see you? Begin to notice when your body tightens, your voice shifts, or you engage in mental rehearsal to match what you think is expected. Gently return to what feels true - let yourself unfold and flow.
• Seek resonance, not just presence. Prioritise interactions that feel mutual, curious, and connected. You’ll know them by how time softens and your guard lowers. Sometimes it’s one person. Sometimes it’s a way of being with someone differently.
• Reduce emotional over-carrying. If you often find yourself being the listener, the fixer, or the container for others’ emotions, pause. It’s okay to let a silence linger. It’s okay to change the subject. You’re allowed to not hold it all.
• Make space for recovery. This isn’t about being antisocial. It’s about integration. Whether it’s five minutes alone after a meeting, a walk with no phone, or a quiet night with someone who doesn’t need you to be anything, recovery is found in space, not escape.

Final Reflection

Emotional exhaustion doesn’t only come from big dramas or ‘toxic’ people. Often, it comes from the small, daily disconnects, from who we can be to fit in, keep the peace, or be liked.

The good news is that you don’t have to overhaul your life to feel better. Small acts of awareness, boundary-setting, and meaningful connection go a long way. The more you learn to recognise what drains you and what restores you, the more your relationships become places of nourishment, not depletion.

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