From FOMO to FOFO: The Expanding Alphabet of Fears

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Lately, I have been feeling a little FOBO. With the rise of AI, I worry about my contribution to the field. My FOBO stems from another FOBO: If my clients and my editor start opting for better, faster, and cheaper options, what happens to me?

I can feel my FOBLO rising. Given my FOPO, my FOMU will probably trigger FODA. I won’t change, I won’t adapt, I won’t do anything, leaving me with full-blown FOBA in a world that has already moved on.

At this point, the FOSO is real. Hopefully, my FOLU will motivate me to explore new trends before my FOFO takes over and keeps me in the dark.

Everyday anxieties turned into witty acronyms! The rockstar of acronyms is FOMO, the fear of missing out. The digital age's favorite neurosis and a form of anticipatory anxiety rooted in social comparison, FOMO captures how easily we imagine everyone else having a better time than we are.

Other FOs quickly joined FOMO in an ever-expanding lexicon of modern fears. But while naming our fears with witty acronyms helps us see them more clearly, it does not make them go away. In fact, some of these FOs can be persistent and reinforce our fears, instead of making them disappear. They can affect the decisions that we make and the actions that we take, and become barriers to growth.

Here are some common modern fears that many of my clients share as stuck points:

1. FOBO: Fear of Better Options

Endlessly vetting through options, worried that choosing the “wrong” one will have irreversible consequences, can lead to analysis paralysis. Ruminating about better options that we didn’t choose can keep us stuck in a cycle of regret and self-blame.

2. FOPO: Fear of Other People’s Opinions

It is important to make the distinction between COPO and FOPO. COPO, caring about other people’s opinions, is important. It affects how we present ourselves in the world and makes us focus on what we have to offer for meaningful impact. FOPO, excessively worrying about what other people think, halts growth and progress. FOPO often keeps people stuck in careers they don’t like, relationships they don’t enjoy, and a lifestyle that doesn’t align with their values.

3. FODA: Fear of Doing Anything

I’m so glad someone gave this fear a name. FODA spread its wings during the pandemic to describe the reluctance people developed to engage with the world, to avoid getting sick. But it aptly applies to any situation we persistently avoid, because lack of practice and experience makes it seem daunting. FODA is paralysis without the analysis.

4. FOSO: Fear of Starting Over

The anxiety that comes with the thought of having to start something new can be overwhelming. Whether it's starting a new job, a new career, or a new relationship, leaving behind years of effort and familiarity to go back to square one can seem terrifying and futile, regardless of how deeply burned out we feel.

5. FOMU: Fear of Messing Up

The cornerstone fear of negative perfectionism. In contrast to positive perfectionists, who thrive in challenge, negative perfectionists strive to avoid failure. FOMU can stop us from exploring options and taking on challenges, to avoid failure and negative judgments.

While FOMO makes us impulsive, signing up for things that we have neither the time nor the energy for, FOMU makes us waste time and energy to overprepare.

6. FOFO: Fear of Finding Out

This fear originated in the medical field to explain why people underuse healthcare services. The anxiety of dealing with unwanted treatments or lifestyle changes often outweighs the logic of addressing medical issues.

FOFO, however, is not limited to health; it applies to any kind of information—credit card balances, performance reviews, business ratings on Yelp—that threatens to disturb our peace of mind. Oblivion is emotionally safer than awareness.

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7. FOBO (again, but a different one!): Fear of Being Obsolete

With the rapid advancement of technology, our wonder can quickly turn to dread. In almost every field, professionals, myself included, express concern about how AI is going to render them unnecessary. We joke about it, to allay our fear, but we know change is coming!

I also see other irksome FOs surface in my work. FOBA (fear of being average), FOBLO (fear of being left out), FOLU (fear of looking uninformed), and FOPS (fear of public speaking), all of which can hold us back from pursuing and achieving.

We have turned our anxieties into witty acronyms. But can these acronyms actually help us conquer fear?

Besides being hip and easy to type, I argue that they can become tools for improving emotional intelligence. Fear, like all other emotions, is not something that appears out of nowhere and for no reason. Fear is about something. The sooner we identify it and the more precisely we label it, the better equipped we are to conquer it.

The FO acronyms create three advantages:

1. They make it easy to identify the fear. Instead of using the generic label “fear,” we have enough granularity to pinpoint its origins and effects. To name is to tame it, as Dr. Daniel Siegel suggested. And in this case, not only are we naming it, we are giving it a whole new ID, with a first, middle, and last name.
2. They make it easy to communicate the fear. You say, “I have FOMO,” and most people instantly get it. In two seconds, we have identified the specific flavor of fear, and now we can start thinking about what to do with it. The witty acronym turns abstract anxiety into something we can talk about.
3. They make it easier to manage the fear. After naming it and sharing it, we can focus on the “about” of the fear, what the fear is pointing to. Whether it is missing out, being left out, or being average, it is no longer a vague sense of anxiety, but a specific emotional response to a specific imagined outcome.

We labeled our fears like fashion trends: FOMO, FOBO, FOPO, FOFO. But the real work isn’t finding the next catchy acronym. It is in facing the FOWHY: the Fear of What’s Haunting You. And the cure for FOWHY is not another acronym. It is curiosity, introspection, and the courage to find what really lurks underneath.