5 Ways Predators Target Kids

Source: Art by K. Ramsland

On a recent podcast, I discussed how predators who seek teen accomplices operate. It's the same approach they use for their prey. For either venture, the goal is control. I discuss this in The Serial Killer’s Apprentice, which includes tips for parents and teachers. Among the items I turned up in my research were past studies that offer insights still relevant today.

People are often unaware that successful predators play a long game. They start with their target’s community. They know that children might have a buffer of guardians (parents, teachers, relatives), so they first work on those who are close to their target. They’ll do favors, gain credentials, and attain positions of trust to turn the child's guardians into unwitting allies.

Researchers Reuben Lang and Roy Frenzel interviewed 52 incest offenders and 50 pedophilic offenders and found that the typical modus operandi is to befriend the parents and offer to babysit targeted victims or keep them busy with things like pool, sports, trips to the beach, or computer games. They gradually ease into the victims’ lives and make themselves indispensable.

If a child reports the predator, the guardians will experience denial at being duped. They've been primed with "niceness," so they'll lean toward minimizing the child’s complaint. The protective buffer begins to erode, isolating the child.

So, that’s the first thing predators know:

1. Separate the child from guardians through the guardians.

Next, who are the targets?

2. Some kids are hungry for kindly adult attention, especially if it comes with gifts.

Dr. Jon Conte, an associate professor in social sciences, invited 20 male sex offenders from a community treatment program to describe how they’d targeted, recruited, and maintained a sexual abuse situation with a child. Most were confident of their ability to spot a vulnerable kid. Most also used systematic desensitization to prepare the child for abuse, i.e., trying out innocuous things before gradually increasing “friendly” coercion in a way that reduced resistance and increased compliance. Gifts, flattery, concern, and sympathy facilitated their approach and helped to maintain the abuse. Offering desirable things that were out of reach, like alcohol or drugs, sweetened the pot. Many of these offenders looked “for some kind of deficiency.” In other words, they sought kids who were lonely, alienated, socially ostracized, or physically challenged. “Use love as a bait,” one offender said, and “Show the kid extra attention.”

3. Lonely kids will cross lines to gain and keep a friend.

Predators might not know the neuroscience behind adolescent immaturity, but they do know that kids want things, fear missing out, are rooted in the present, are inexperienced with grooming, and have malleable identities and moral stances. They might do things for quick gain without considering consequences. They typically won’t realize they’re entering a trap. Kids with traumatized backgrounds, or adverse childhood experiences, are especially vulnerable. They seek a safe port.

After a tumultuous childhood, Lee Boyd Malvo, one of the “beltway Snipers,” clung to 41-year-old John Muhammad as the only stable force in his life. With an absent biological father, Malvo had been subjected to the whims of an unstable mother, who'd moved him around and often neglected or abandoned him. Muhammad took Malvo in when he was a teen. Little by little, Muhammad won Malvo’s trust and leveraged him into obedience, until the boy finally agreed to kill for him.

“I trusted him completely,” Malvo wrote. “Whatever he was or was not, he was consistent…. If he uttered it, it was as good as the next sun rising; not only have I accepted him, he became a pattern for me to follow…I was nothing without him.” At his trial, Malvo put it more succinctly: “I was desperate to fill a void in my life, and I was ready to give my life for him.”

4. Secret intimacy can make a child feel special.

The sex offenders in Conte's study evaluated kids for how likely they were to keep a secret. Then they made their approach. A popular opening strategy was introducing sexual jokes and using verbal seduction. “Get on their level, ask how their day was going, what did they like.” The goal was to get the child to feel that he or she mattered and to believe that they’ve given tacit consent. The self-blame that arises from doing something they wouldn’t ordinarily do, especially if they view their abuser as a friend, would decrease the chance they'd tell someone. Sealing this with the idea they "share a secret" gives a child who longs for affirmation the sense that the predator is the best—and maybe the only—source.

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5. A confident person with knowledge or authority attracts kids who lack direction.

In a pivotal study about persuasion, social psychologist Robert Cialdini crystallized the core principles of influencing others. He identified six key aspects of human nature that will “move someone in your direction.” Good persuaders create a state of mind that is ready to respond.

One strategy is posing as an authority, a person with knowledge or power. Successful predators offer false personas spiked with confidence or acquire actual positions of authority to gain the aura of privilege and trust. They watch for uncertainty, then step in with clear instructions; they know that making people feel safe induces cooperation. This is especially true with children.

Similarly, says Cialdini, successful persuaders know that people do things for those they like, so they use compliments, common interests or problems, or similar gestures, clothing, and posture to increase rapport. They give gifts to elicit the human tendency to want to reciprocate. They also use initial small commitments to leverage their targets into increasingly greater investment.

Kids aren’t prepared to fend off these sophisticated strategies. They need their guardians, whether parents, teachers, older siblings, or counselors, to listen. Thus, guardians need to understand (and acknowledge) how they might be played and be prepared to further investigate a child’s complaint.