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Perfectionism

The psychology of never good enough.

Therapy
Therapy Should Do More Than Help You Feel Good

Leon Garber LMHC on December 4, 2024

Therapists often spend too much time with helping their patients learn to like themselves, when they should also be helping them explore how they relate to others.

Therapists often spend too much time with helping their patients learn to like themselves, when they should also be helping them explore how they relate to others.

Therapy
What Is Good Therapy?

Leon Garber LMHC on December 1, 2024

It's an oft-repeated misconception that therapy is non-judgmental, yet therapy needs to provide a space of judgment for any growth to happen.

It's an oft-repeated misconception that therapy is non-judgmental, yet therapy needs to provide a space of judgment for any growth to happen.

Forgiveness
Why We Should Learn to Forgive Ourselves

Leon Garber LMHC on November 27, 2024

We find it hard to forgive ourselves, in part, because we believe doing so is counter-productive. Yet, shame, when coupled with forgiveness, makes us better people.

We find it hard to forgive ourselves, in part, because we believe doing so is counter-productive. Yet, shame, when coupled with forgiveness, makes us better people.

Limerence
The Sometimes Scary Uncertainty of Limerence

Leon Garber LMHC on November 13, 2024

While limerence usually fades in time, a more extreme form of it, often associated with a psychological disorder, is much harder to remedy.

While limerence usually fades in time, a more extreme form of it, often associated with a psychological disorder, is much harder to remedy.

OCD
Truth Is the Remedy for a Constant Need to Be Reassured

Leon Garber LMHC on November 9, 2024

The need for chronic reassurance is stoked by repeated attempts to gain it, so letting go, rather than controlling, tends to be more helpful.

The need for chronic reassurance is stoked by repeated attempts to gain it, so letting go, rather than controlling, tends to be more helpful.

Perfectionism
Is Passion Overrated?

Leon Garber LMHC on October 16, 2024

It's argued that passion is overrated, yet it helps us cope with our inevitable failures and disappointing successes.

It's argued that passion is overrated, yet it helps us cope with our inevitable failures and disappointing successes.

Intelligence
Depression and Anxiety in Gifted Children

Leon Garber LMHC on October 13, 2024

Anxiety and depression in gifted children tend to manifest from perfectionism, the inevitable failures of grandiose expectations, and existential anxiety.

Anxiety and depression in gifted children tend to manifest from perfectionism, the inevitable failures of grandiose expectations, and existential anxiety.

Decision-Making
Help! I Can't Make a Decision

Leon Garber LMHC on October 9, 2024

Chronic indecisiveness is caused by extremely high self-oriented expectations, self-doubt, and dysfunctional ways of thinking.

Chronic indecisiveness is caused by extremely high self-oriented expectations, self-doubt, and dysfunctional ways of thinking.

Perfectionism
Limerence and Maladaptive Daydreaming

Leon Garber LMHC on October 2, 2024

Limerence is bidirectionally related to maladaptive daydreaming. Yet, the problem is deeper than any specific frustration. Both indicate an inability to cope with life.

Limerence is bidirectionally related to maladaptive daydreaming. Yet, the problem is deeper than any specific frustration. Both indicate an inability to cope with life.

Relationships
Captured by Limerence

Leon Garber LMHC on September 29, 2024

While limerence may seem like love, its qualities differ in meaningful ways, which, when discovered, help address it.

While limerence may seem like love, its qualities differ in meaningful ways, which, when discovered, help address it.

Narcissism
Is Narcissism Really Just a Prison?

Leon Garber LMHC on September 24, 2024

Despite the popular view of narcissists as people who deliberately choose to harm others, they're often ruled by their base fears and desires.

Despite the popular view of narcissists as people who deliberately choose to harm others, they're often ruled by their base fears and desires.

Shame
Sometimes, You Just Need a Nap

Leon Garber LMHC on September 18, 2024

While therapy and introspection may be helpful, more basic strategies, like taking a walk, may be equally so.

While therapy and introspection may be helpful, more basic strategies, like taking a walk, may be equally so.

Therapy
How Helpful Is a Mental Health Diagnosis?

Leon Garber LMHC on September 11, 2024

Personal Perspective: Whether to diagnose is a controversial topic. It masks three problems: people wishing to avoid criticism, therapist collusion, and therapists who shame.

Personal Perspective: Whether to diagnose is a controversial topic. It masks three problems: people wishing to avoid criticism, therapist collusion, and therapists who shame.

Shame
Treatment Resistance and the Therapist's Shame

Leon Garber LMHC on September 8, 2024

Personal Perspective: Concepts like treatment resistance and projective identification are often employed to absolve therapists of responsibility for the failure of treatment.

Personal Perspective: Concepts like treatment resistance and projective identification are often employed to absolve therapists of responsibility for the failure of treatment.

Parenting
Don't Be a "Good Mother"

Leon Garber LMHC on August 27, 2024

D.W. Winnicott noted that being a "good enough" parent was better than being a good one. Here's why trying too hard may backfire.

D.W. Winnicott noted that being a "good enough" parent was better than being a good one. Here's why trying too hard may backfire.