Stopping the Cycle of Digital Self-Sabotage

We’ve all been there: Doing the exact opposite of what is good for us. Like eating that extra scoop of ice cream when trying to lose weight, binge-watching a Netflix series instead of finishing a pressing work assignment, overspending beyond our budget or harshly berating ourselves for making a mistake.

When our behaviors backfire, more often than not despite our good intentions, we may be unknowingly engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors. Self-sabotaging behaviors and thoughts are learned in childhood through example and modeling, and all too often are passed down from one generation to the next.

It's no surprise to learn that self-sabotaging behaviors can also show up in our digital habits and patterns — for example, compulsively checking social media accounts, texts, and emails. A recent survey by the American Psychological Association found that more than 8 out of 10 Americans are attached to their gadgets. Of those surveyed, 86 percent said they constantly or often check their e-mails, texts, and social media accounts. People who constantly check their gadgets are more stressed and anxious than those who do not use technology and social media as frequently.

And behaviors such as snooping through a partner’s phone, obsessing over Facebook photos of virtual friends or events you weren’t invited to, or digging for information online about an ex. are a few more examples self-sabotaging digital behaviors. Self-sabotaging behaviors, whether online or offline, have the potential to significantly undermine our emotional well-being and self-esteem and magnify pre-existing mental health conditions such as generalized anxiety, depression, or body image disorders. In a nutshell, any behavior or thought, online or offline, that creates a downward spiral and makes us our own worst enemy is a self-sabotaging habit.

But it's not all bad news. It's possible to stop the cycle of self-sabotaging behaviors and thoughts by becoming aware of our larger emotions such as anxiety, loss and depression that trigger and makes one more vulnerable to these cycles in the first place. With time, practice, and patience around working on replacing negative behaviors with positive ones, self-sabotaging behaviors can become less and less a part of who you are.

Following are a few suggestions to help you get started:

1. Identify your digital self-sabotaging triggers. Seeing a friend’s post about her new baby might not be your trigger, but seeing that same friend’s posts about her new promotion might put you in a terrible emotional space if you happen to be struggling with your own career. Instead step away from social media during difficult moments. Taking a step back is an act of self-protection and self-care.
2. Disrupt self-sabotaging digital behaviors with offline distractions. Distractions such as watching TV, taking a warm bath, or doing short bursts of intense physical exercise can immediately help to interrupt your brain’s self-sabotaging patterns.
3. Do daily check-ins. Pause and reflect upon your feelings before logging on. You can do daily check-ins by regularly putting your thoughts and feelings down on paper. Start a journal or keep a diary.
4. Remember to commit to daily non-digital self-care. Make time for doing the things you derive pleasure from in real life, such as reading, exercise, time with a beloved pet, and time with friends and family. Participating in activities that you enjoy and feeling happy doing makes breaking negative patterns of behaviors and thoughts a bit easier.