Writing About Grief

Source: anvel / Pixabay

No matter how prepared we are, grief catches us by surprise.

My dog, Corey, died yesterday, humanely euthanized after being diagnosed with terminal cancer two months ago.

She was my rock, my daily companion, my dear friend, my support. My company when my husband traveled. The wielder of the bark that scared away burglars who broken into our home with a crowbar. My comfort and hero wrapped up in one beautiful, brown-eyed package.

We had two months to get ready for her death. To grieve, cry, be angry, and love on her as much as possible. And still, when the time came for her to cross the bridge, I wasn’t prepared at all. My younger son, who isn’t given to strong expressions of sadness, was so upset it caught me off guard. I cried so much I had to take Zofran so I wouldn’t puke.

When my horse Leroy died four years ago, it was hard as hell. So I was familiar with this grief, and I knew what was coming.

One way to cope with any strong emotion is to write about it, so that’s what I did. I wrote about Corey’s life and her coming death (and about Leroy’s), about what dogs mean to us, and why we grieve them and should. I wrote essays that I’ll publish one day (and one that already was, see below). I wrote private thoughts in my journal.

Indeed, I’m writing to you, now.

The question I tried to answer was this: how do we wrap our brains around the impossible, the cosmic, the unbearable pain of living?

If you are suffering, however large or small, you, too, can write about it. Put your rational brain in the back seat, and let your emotions take control of the pen or keyboard.

If you are struggling to get started, begin by asking questions, like these:

• “What am I feeling?”
• “Why am I feeling this way?”
• “Why am I struggling to get started writing?”

Usually the answer to the third question is “because I’m embarrassed by my writing/feelings/something else.” But that feeling of embarrassment has no place here.

Underneath all of the social norms that try to lock us down are worthwhile feelings for you to express.

I can’t promise you will feel better after doing this, but you will better understand the hurricane of emotions inside you. And when we’re grieving, that understanding is a gift.