He/She Likes Me; He/She Likes Me Not
Five verbal indicators that someone likes you.
Posted May 25, 2020
Did you ever wonder if the person you are talking to likes you? One method to determine your likeability is to pull petals off a daisy and alternately recite, “She loves me” and “She loves me not.” There is an easier way. Listening to what people say can provide clues as to whether they like you or not. When people converse with others, most of their cognitive processing is spent focusing on what they are going to say next instead of listening to what the other person is saying. In doing so, we miss the verbal cues that indicate if we are liked or disliked. The following five verbal indicators signal that the person with whom you are conversing likes you.
Asking Open-Ended Questions. When a person likes the person they are talking to, they ask open-ended questions. Open-ended questions typically elicit longer responses. Longer responses reveal more detailed information about personality, personal beliefs, and attitudes. These are key ingredients for building or maintaining personal relationships. Additionally, the more personal the questions are, the more a person is interested in you. Conversely, closed-ended questions require a limited response, which indicates the person is not interested in getting to know you better.
Giving Advice. Giving advice is a personal act. In order to give advice, a person must have a good understanding of the topic they are giving advice about. A good understanding of a topic requires attentive listening, which is an indicator the person likes you. Furthermore, people only give advice when they like the person to whom they are dispensing the advice. In giving advice, people reveal more intimate personal feelings and emotions. People only reveal personal information to people they like.
Proposing a Rain Check. If you ask a person for a future social meeting and you get a rain check without an alternate meeting date, the person probably is not interested in seeing you again. People are busy. Inserting a new person into an existing lifestyle may take some rescheduling. A person who is interested in meeting you again will give you a rain check, but they will provide an alternate meeting date. A person not interested in meeting you again will give you an open-ended rain check for a meeting that will never take place.
Talking About the Weather. Superficial talk is a sign that a person has a limited interest in getting to know you better. People who like one another, share more intimate details about themselves. The more intense the relationship becomes, the more comfortable they become sharing personal information and emotions. When you first meet a person of interest, don’t expect them to divulge too much personal information. However, if the person likes you, they should ask some probing personal questions and not fixate on superficial topics.
Comparing Interests. Seeking common ground is the fastest way to build rapport and sets the foundation for longer relationships. People like other people who share the same interests as they do. People holding similar views reinforce one another and thereby enhance the likelihood of mutual attraction. Similarity also increases the probability that like-minded individuals will meet again. Listen for statements such as “I like that too,” “Me too,” “I feel the same way,” or similar statements expressing mutual interest in attitudes, ideas, or activities. These statements signal that the person you are talking to likes you.
For more tips and techniques to develop and maintain friendships refer to The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over.
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Fichten, C. S., Tagalakis, V., Judd, D., Wright, J., & Amsel, R. (2001). Verbal and nonverbal communication cues in daily conversations and dating. Journal of Social Psychology, 132, 751-769.