Why Do We Stress Ourselves Out Unnecessarily?

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A variety of things can stress us out unnecessarily. This post focuses on one category in particular: manageable tasks that take up more mental space than they should. These tasks aren't overly difficult and might only take 30 minutes to a couple of hours—but they still create mental stress. Why?

First, I'll explain five psychological reasons why some relatively mundane tasks feel stressful, then offer a practical cheat sheet to help you move forward despite the stress.

1. There's a Mismatch Between the Task Requirements and How You Prefer to Approach Tasks

We all have preferences when it comes to how we approach tasks. Some people lean toward creative or unconventional methods and resist anything that feels too standard. Some of us like to maximize (achieve the best possible result), while others prefer to satisfice (efficiently meet all the key requirements). You might like to make perfect plans—or you might prefer to act and iterate, like someone who either reads the full instruction manual or just dives in and adjusts as they go. You might like well-defined tasks or feel more comfortable with fuzzy ones. You might prefer to work collaboratively or independently. Maybe you want milestones where an authority figure checks off your progress—or maybe you can't stand that. You might care a lot about efficiency—or not at all.

Our natural approach is better suited to some tasks than others. When there's a mismatch between the most logical "best" way to tackle a task and our preferred style, we can end up feeling at sea—or just challenged or frustrated by it.

Example: Someone who values efficiency might feel annoyed by a task that involves inefficiency—like writing out your insurance information on a form after already handing over your card.

2. The Task Feels Like a Threat to Your Autonomy

Demand avoidance has been a popular topic lately. A big theme is that people avoid tasks that they feel threaten their autonomy. For example, you don't want to get a permit for a home renovation or commit to a class that requires 10 consecutive weeks of attendance. You want to do the class, but how can you know you'll still want to attend three Wednesdays from now? Or, perhaps you need to contact a health provider, but you hate asking for help.

Avoiding demands that threaten our autonomy is often linked to neurodivergence, but it likely goes beyond that. Many people dislike being told what to do. For example, author Gretchen Rubin created a quiz called the Four Tendencies to classify how people respond to inner and outer demands. Three of the four tendency types resist demands at least sometimes: "Rebels" don't like feeling boxed in by their own or others' rules, "questioners" want to be convinced before agreeing to do something, and "obligers" typically follow external rules, but sometimes rebel when they've had enough. Clearly, many of us are driven to preserve our autonomy, each for our own reasons.

3. You Fear Making Mistakes

Even small tasks can carry pressure to get things right, especially when mistakes have consequences—like making a typo on a tax form or ending up with a bad driver's license photo after a long, uncomfortable wait at the DMV. This fear of error, however minor, makes us feel more stressed than we should.

4. The Task Provides No Immediate Reward, Beyond Mental Relief

In psychology, there are two types of rewards for action: positive reinforcement (obtaining a positive consequence) and negative reinforcement (relief from a negative consequence).

Some tasks, like applying for health insurance or renewing a driver's license, offer only minor negative reinforcement at first—the relief of having the task off our minds. A bigger reward may or may not come later—like not getting caught with an expired license months down the road after a minor speeding incident.

If the rewards of a task are nonexistent or aren't immediate, or if the only immediate reward is the relief of getting it off our minds, it's hard to justify doing it until the last moment.

We'll naturally defer the task in favor of those that provide current, positive rewards, but this avoidance stresses us out further.

5. The Task Conflicts With the Self-Image You Want to Maintain

A few days ago, I saw my neighbor while I was out running. I wanted to keep running, but I also didn't want to seem rude. The simplest solution was to call out in a cheery voice that I was timing myself and needed to keep going, rather than stopping to chat. Seems straightforward, right? Yet, when I went to speak, a lump rose in my throat. It conflicted with my desire to be friendly.

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Any task that puts us in a situation where the most straightforward approach conflicts with the image we want to maintain can cause stress. This overlaps with points 1 and 2—where our natural preferences or desire to protect our autonomy clash with the task at hand—for example, when you want to maintain a self-image of being independent but must admit your DIY efforts failed and seek professional help.

The Path Forward

When you're stressed by a manageable task, start by identifying which of the five patterns is causing it. Then, use this simple framework:

"This is what I'd prefer [referencing the specific reason], but given the reality of the situation, my best next action is..."

For example:

"I recognize that filling out repetitive forms conflicts with my preference for efficiency, but given the reality of the situation, my best next action is to try writing 'see insurance card' and see if I get pushback, but not let this occupy more mental space."

This self-awareness creates breathing room between your natural reaction and your response, allowing for more self-compassion and less reactivity. The goal isn't to eliminate all stress but to understand it well enough that you can move forward skillfully despite it. (Here's a more comprehensive guide to behaving skillfully when feeling challenging emotions.)