'I Don't Want to Go to Kindergarten'

Starting kindergarten is filled with many challenges for little children. If your child was in nursery school for a few years, he is probably feeling a great deal of separation anxiety. He was familiar with the teachers, the building and the routines. Many of your child’s friends may be going off in different directions. Your child has probably visited his new school by now and may feel overwhelmed by it's size. Perhaps you pass by the new school frequently and it is a constant reminder of the move ahead. Relatives and friends may be greeting your child with remarks such as: “You're so grown up. You're going to a big boy school.”

Don't be surprised if one day your child announces, “I'm not going to kindergarten.” In part it is due to her anxiety about leaving nursery school and facing the unknown. But it also has to do with her ambivalence about growing up. Sure, going to a big kid's school is exciting—she will be just like her older siblings and cousins—but she is also giving up babyhood. When children make a developmental step forward, they may experience anxiety. It is also natural for them to regress to earlier behaviors such as thumb sucking or having toileting accidents. Once they feel more comfortable, these behaviors usually disappear. You will need to provide your child with support as she takes this huge developmental leap. Here are some strategies that will ease her transition.

1. When he says he does not want to go to kindergarten, avoid debating with him the merits of having an education over working for minimum wage. Instead, address his anxieties directly. Ask him what he is afraid will happen at kindergarten. If he says there will be no one to take him to the bathroom, he probably means he is worrying that there will be no one to take care of him. Reassure him that there will be teachers to help him with whatever he needs.

2. Try to arrange a play date for her with a child who will be in her new class before school begins. If she has one friend on the first day of school, she will adjust more easily.

3. Reassure him that kindergarten is similar to nursery school. There will be toys, free play, yard time, and lunch. Using dolls or action figures, play out a day at kindergarten. This will help him to feel calmer.

4. Address her ambivalence about getting older, directly. At a quiet moment, you can say, “Sometimes it's hard to get bigger and leave being a little baby behind. All kids feel this way.” Convey excitement about the new things she will learn in kindergarten and suggest to friends and relatives that they de-emphasize how big she is.

5. If your child wants to be held like a baby, it is fine to indulge him. Avoid making a big issue about such regressive behaviors. When your child has adjusted to school, they will disappear.

6. Keep in mind that you are also going through a separation process. Your baby is growing up. Kindergarten will seem less personal than nursery school. You may not be able to walk your child to his classroom each day or chat with the teacher as frequently. After a short time, you and your child will adjust to these changes. You can comfort yourself by keeping in mind that with each step forward your child takes, you get something in return. Soon you will have the pleasure of watching your child become more independent and develop exciting reading and writing skills.