What Amy Winehouse Taught Us About Denial and Alcoholism

The gifted soul/R&B/jazz singer Amy Winehouse won Grammys for Song of the Year and Best Female Pop Vocalist Performance of the Year in 2008 with her defiant public refusal to enter treatment for alcohol and drug addiction (the song "Rehab"). "Rehab" appeared on the album Back to Black (referring to the abyss of depression she experienced) which eventually sold 16 million copies.

They tried to make me go to Rehab
But I said no, no, no
Yes I've been black but when I come back
You'll know, know, know
I ain't got the time
And if my daddy thinks I'm fine
Just try to make me go to Rehab
But I won't go, go, go

I'd rather be at home with Ray
I ain't got seventy days
'Cause there's nothing
There's nothing you can teach me
That I can't learn from Mr. Hathaway(1)

Ray and Mr. Hathaway refer to two of her musical icons—Ray Charles and Donny Hathaway. In her denial, she was sadly telling people if she was left alone to listen to her favorite singers and she would be OK.

Her father acknowledges saying she was “fine” in 2005 when she reduced her drug use, but her alcohol consumption escalated. At the time "Rehab" came out, he said, "Part of the problem is she doesn't think she's got a problem. She thinks she can do what she does recreationally and get on with the rest of her life."(2)

She couldn’t. She was a binge drinker and actually entered rehab in 2007. Perhaps the victim of her celebrity, the rehab center permitted her husband to accompany her. They argued intensely and she quickly left treatment twice. The following lyrics illustrate her struggle and suffering:

I don't ever want to drink again
I just, ooh I just need a friend
I'm not gonna spend ten weeks
And have everyone think I'm on the mend

And it's not just my pride
It's just 'til these tears have dried

Winehouse knew she was troubled by more than alcoholism. She was also darkly depressed and felt isolated, though family and friends say they tried to reach her. On the other hand, those around her were willing to help turn her resistance to rehab into a financially profitable pop tune. Lucre for them on the back of her suffering, though she was a willing partner in this public display of self-harm.

Alcoholism and denial

There are many ways to think of denial, but one popular research website cuts through fancy language and offers the central meaning by simply saying, “If you’re in denial, you're trying to protect yourself by refusing to accept the truth about something that's happening in your life.”(3)

Denial is an important defense and part of good mental health when it gives us time to adjust to distressing situations. Soldiers in Ukraine today need to deny the realities surrounding them in order not to be overwhelmed and to continue protecting their country and families. Many of us have had the experience, following a loved one’s death, of knowing they are gone but not fully believing it. Amy Winehouse knew she was seriously alcoholic but did not fully believe it was killing her. In the end, there is nothing strange about alcoholics’ denial, except for its exaggeration and application to a risk others see as obvious.

Alcoholism and pride

Denial was dangerous for Winehouse because it interfered with her ability to accept the help she needed to meet a challenge she could not overcome on her own. Pride certainly got in her way. She “didn’t wanna have ta” face her alcoholism fully and go to treatment.

Virtually no one wants to need treatment. Unfortunately, alcoholics too often turn the realistic need to enter rehab into a battle between themselves and anyone who is urging treatment. This leads to a prideful stance to maintain a distorted sense of power by not letting anyone “force” them into treatment. “You can’t make me” becomes a battle alcoholics can win, while ultimately losing the war.

I have even witnessed many alcoholics steadfastly defending their “right” to live as they please, including to drink as they wish. The problem is that no one is trying to take away their right to drink. Of course, they have that right. But it is sheer reality itself that is dictating they must stop drinking if they wish to end their worst suffering and continue living. It is not their family and friends who make them unable to stop on their own. This is just the simple, plain reality. Unfortunately, alcohol so disrupts clear thinking that alcoholics can deny reality past the point that they are still alive.

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Facing Difficulties, Literally and Figuratively

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Amy Winehouse suffered from the disease of alcohol dependence. She was found dead in 2011 at age 27, lying on her bed with an empty vodka bottle on the floor beside her. She had been abstinent for a few weeks, drank moderately for a couple of days, and then died of alcohol poisoning. Her own lyrics told us “I don’t ever want to drink again.” But she did drink again.

Again, when you stay in denial, you:

• Won't acknowledge a difficult situation
• Try not to face the facts of a problem
• Downplay possible consequences of the issue

I empathize with Amy Winehouse, not because she was one of the most gifted soul/R&B/jazz singers, but because she suffered so gravely from her alcoholism, a disease she had no ability to control on her own and refused the help she needed. Like every alcoholic I have watched die, she deserves my humble compassion and understanding. Like the rest of humanity, I too have misused denial, but been spared the challenge of the downward spiral that accompanies the denial of alcoholism.