Dating With a Buddha Heart
5 rules to date by.
Posted Dec 16, 2020
The energy you generate and harbor within yourself colors the lens of every new relationship you develop. There is so much out of your control when it comes to dating and romance. One thing entirely within your control is cultivating positive energy within yourself and allowing that energy to permeate everything you do and all with whom you come into contact.
1. Everything is temporary.
Whatever you are feeling in your dating life—good or bad—it is temporary. This may be disappointing if things are going well, but also can be relieving when managing rejection or heartache. Either way, accepting the idea of “impermanence,” that states of being and life itself are transient, always changing, not fixed or permanent, brings perspective.
Whoever you may be with, they are not going to bring a panacea or magic cure to your life. If you struggle with finding what brings you happiness, low self-esteem, grief, anxiety, or depression, you will continue to struggle with these things even if you find a seemingly perfect match. Instead of putting new partners on a pedestal remember to focus on cultivating deep internal peace from within—mindfulness practices can be very helpful in this regard.
2. Greed leads to suffering.
As humans, we want more of the good stuff and less of the bad stuff. The reality is that life is full of both. You can’t expect to find love without also experiencing hardship and heartbreak. Suffering is a part of life and makes the sweet parts all the sweeter.
If you go into dating expecting you deserve to only experience the good stuff, then your suffering will increase. Take it easy. Slow and steady. Don’t gulp. Sip. Things happen in due time. The only way toward deep fulfillment is by accepting this middle path.
3. Practice honesty and compassion.
Treat people and yourself with respect and compassion. If you know someone is not a match, let them know in a direct and kind manner. It is not kind or compassionate to string people along when you know your feelings don’t match theirs. Don’t use people just to get through difficult times. Instead, work to cultivate honest communication and real relationships that reflect your authentic self.
4. Have awareness.
Your actions and thoughts lead to good and bad consequences. Be aware of your feelings, what you want or don’t want, and the tendencies that get you into defeating relationship patterns. One way to build this kind of awareness is to spend 10 minutes most days meditating, breathing, journaling, or quietly stretching. Connect with yourself so that you can actually create relationships that reflect your deepest self.
5. Focus on helpful thoughts.
Notice if you are filling your mind with negative, self-critical, judgmental, or hurtful thoughts. This energy will permeate you, make you feel bad about yourself and unworthy of good people and good events. You will find reasons to doubt people, be critical and harsh with others, and not trust. Instead take care of yourself by cultivating a mind that fills your consciousness with constructive, helpful, and positive thoughts. If something is unwholesome and not good for you, acknowledge that fact but without self-criticism and judgment.
For more, check out my book Getting Close to Others.