Anxiety
Life Too Busy? Feeling Trapped? Time to Take Stock
Life is about making decisions, taking charge. Don’t run on autopilot.
Posted July 10, 2022 Reviewed by Jessica Schrader
Key points
- Many people feel too busy, trapped, or unhappy. They may also feel that they can't change it.
- Life is about making decisions and having choices, but often we run on autopilot or stay in our comfort zone.
- It may be time to step back and check the state of your life. What do you need to change most?
I meet them all the time: couples who, when I ask what they do together as a couple, say, “Nothing. We’re just too busy.” Busy with what? Kids—schools, after-school lessons, bedtime; work, overtime. Do they want to spend more time as a couple? Sure, but they can’t. They’re too busy. And if it’s not about couple-time, they complain about work—they hate their jobs. Why don’t you look for another job? I can’t because … pay cut, have retirement, not sure what else I can find.
A life filled with being too busy, with feeling trapped, with can'ts. When I say, “If you don’t like it, why don’t you change it?” I’m not trying to be flippant or minimize how they feel, but as an outsider, I’m curious. It seems they don’t run their lives; their lives run them. Life is about choices, about decisions, and even in the narrowest of lives, the power to choose is always there. It may be about changing what you do, or even if you can’t change what you do, changing how you think about what you do. But when can’ts box you in, if you’ve given up the power of choice, it usually leads to a few results.
You’re always running on autopilot
You do what you do because you do it. Yes, routines help structure our lives and keep us from having to create our lives from scratch every day. But it’s all too easy to let routines take over; we keep following them even if they aren’t working. We choose to stay in our comfort zone rather than make a change.
You’re reactive
So now your day is driven by the demands of the day—your work schedule, which is likely all about what comes at you once you hit the ground—but also your personal demands—the kids’ lessons, cleaning the house, mowing the lawn—responding to that critical, driving voice in your head. We think of vacations as ways to “get away from it,” but how well do you really get away from it all? You break the routine, but you probably don’t break that reactive way of looking at your day, worrying about what’s waiting for you once you get back home.
You’re anxious or depressed
All this autopilot and reactiveness leave you either constantly worrying about what might come at you next—anxiety—or feeling trapped—depression, an I-can’t-change-it-why-bother attitude. And yes, you can feel both.
Do you want to keep living this way? If life is about making decisions, about you running your life rather than your life running you, maybe it’s time to step back and take in the big picture of the current state of your life.
Are you happy—with work, with your everyday life?
This can seem like a complicated question; there are qualifiers. It may depend on ... the day, your mood, your health, your relationship. But qualifiers are more can’ts. Stepping back, are you overall happy with your life? If you were to take an average day, would you be satisfied to live that day over and over forever?
If not, what would you like to change?
Several things may come to mind. But what is at the top of your list? Is there some theme to your collection of complaints—the too-busy, too trapped, too ... what? Next, translate your answer into something concrete. Being less busy is a start, but what does that look like in your everyday life? Having more couple time, or more enjoyable, less stressful work? What specifically comes to mind?
What stops you from making these changes?
These are your obstacles; what makes you say you "can’t.” That cut in pay if you switch jobs, the reaction or resistance of others, your fear of failure, or the simple anxiety that comes to us all when we step outside our comfort zone.
What baby steps can you take to move forward?
It may be time to bust through: You need to start looking for another job to see what’s out there. You need to look at your budget and see what kind of pay cut you could realistically handle. You need to drop one of the kid’s after-school lessons, you and your partner need to schedule a date night twice a month, or simply sit down together and talk about how you each feel about your lives.
What support do you need?
Some folks have enough grit to do it themselves, but most of us need some support to keep moving forward. Who or what is that for you? A partner or family member who believes in and encourages you; a friend who can help hold you accountable? Your faith, your belief that your God wants the best for you?
You don’t get points somewhere for being a victim or martyr. Even if you don’t feel it at times, you deserve to be happy. You can always choose and change, always. It’s up to you.
Ready?
