The Joint To-Do List

To-do list

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Consider a couple, Steve and Jane, who have been together for four years and recently moved into what they hope will be their forever home. The home was a bit of a fixer-upper, and while they were able to get some of the work done prior to moving in, there is still a long way to go. Steve works from home, and as such, the boundaries between his work life and home life are somewhat diffuse. This means that he often gets caught up in home repairs or stresses about the repairs during what should be his time to focus on his work. Jane has a long commute to work and exceptionally long days and, as such, spends most of her time out of the home. They have recently been getting into fights because of the amount of work that needs to be done in the home, as Steve feels that he can’t escape the mess.

Researchers E. J. Masicampo and Roy Baumeister have studied the effect of unfinished goals on people and note that incomplete items can interfere with subsequent tasks. They also share that committing to a plan to attain a goal helps facilitate the process of reaching it and can free up cognitive resources (or your ability to think and process) for other pursuits. Essentially, what we need to do can negatively affect us, and the act of planning how we can tackle incomplete items can assist us. Enter the to-do list.

To-do lists

To-do lists allow people to record all the items that need to be completed and can be created on a daily, weekly, monthly, etc., basis. Not only does this enable us to take inventory of all that must be done, but the list serves as a helpful reminder so that we don’t forget any steps along the way. It is important to be flexible when creating a to-do list, as something unexpected may pop up during the day, preventing us from checking or crossing off every time on the list. It is important to prioritize, getting the most important or time-sensitive items out of the way early on, allowing the ability and freedom to move any unfinished items to another day if time runs out.

Couples’ to-do lists

When couples create to-do lists, I often encourage them to create one together, both being present for the process. If each partner is going to take care of certain items, you can eventually split the list, and each have your own; however, creating two separate lists at the outset isn’t beneficial. If this is done, you may duplicate items, miss items between the two of you, or both have different ideas of what needs to be done and when, and you wouldn’t even know it.

For situations in which partners need to tackle a large job, such as the home renovation projects Steve and Jane must complete, working together to create the list is important. Steve and Jane can go room by room, exploring what must be done and recording it. This ensures that they aren’t missing anything, and both are present to bring up list items that the other may miss. By the end of the house tour, they will have a comprehensive list.

Afterward, they should rearrange items and put them in order of most to least important. This will allow the two of them to discuss time frames and short or long-term goals. It will ensure they are on the same page before tackling this large project. Once the previous two steps have been completed, two lists can be created, allowing them to divide and conquer should they choose to approach the tasks that way.

By working together to create the to-do list, Steve and Jane now have a clear and concrete plan that they both agree on. This will free up some mental energy for Steve and allow him to focus better on work during the day.